This short series attempts to capture a rather naive young man’s relationship journey.
We are sitting together on the couch in my house holding hands and watching tv. I am half awake, half dozing.
“I want to ask you a question,” Sandy says, looking a bit embarrassed as she lets go of my hand. “I don’t know how you will take it.”
“I can handle anything,” I tell her.
“Go on, ask me,” I urge her.
“What do you think about sex in a relationship?” she asks me. She seems shy.
I pause and wonder why she’s asking the question. I know girls may be a bit apprehensive about what a guy’s intentions are, especially since most guys nowadays just want to have their fun and go on testing the waters.
“I don’t believe in sex before marriage,” I say finally. “I think that it is a sin. I believe that it is not because I am righteous that I have been able to keep myself, it has been by God’s grace and I don’t judge anyone.”
She gets quiet and pensive. She looks hurt, no, scared.
“Do you mean you have never had sex?” she asks.
“Yes.” She starts to cry. I am shocked.
“I am not a virgin,” she says. “Would you still want to be with me?”
I am double shocked. I have never considered my preferences in sexual experience of a prospective mate. Here, right now, the question is being thrown at me. We started seeing each other not long ago and I had promised to always be by her side. This seems to be a test of that resolve.
“Don’t worry, I will always be with you.”
I am hurt. My eyes sting me. I could burst into tears now. What have I been keeping myself for all these years? Why have I been avoiding self-gratification if the first woman who I would go into relationship with had been giving herself out freely?
Should I just ignore what she has told me? After all, I’m not perfect myself. How do I move on from this?
By Victoria Ozidu and Victor Moody.