Life in High School 4

“Alright! That’s it, I’ve had enough of you Nike and our new student, stand up”, wow!, I thought grimly, that was more like a roar. This man as I had earlier predicted is a smoker, even his attempt at a smile gets me all tensed.
“This is all your fault”, I muttered to my partner in crime, “This is the first time in all of my junior high school year I’ve been told to stand up as an offendant, okay, maybe not the first but rare, very rare even for your mind to begin to comprehend”
“My fault? Hello!, thanks to you, I became an offendant my very first day in a new school, I guess I should probably be groveling at your feet for this huge favour you’ve so graciously bestowed upon me, lady”, he hissed stretching the lady so much that it didn’t quite sound like lady anymore.
“Now the two of you, follow me!”, Mr Ade or whatever name he had called himself while I seethe at my newest archenemy called out to us as he packed his books and exit the class leaving us at his trail.
“New student, what’s your name?”, Mr Ade (am not sure that’s his name though) asked.
“Mark Johnson”, the new student replied, yea, that definitely brought out my eyes from their sockets but just a little.
“Are you rela___”
“Definitely not”, I replied cutting him off as he tried to bring up the idea that we might be related because we have the same last name.
“Hmmm, what coincidence, so, can you explain to me the reason why you were both arguing in my class?”, the smoker asked, his eyes darting from me vto Mark.
Silence
“I asked a question”, he stated, his voice rising
More silence
“Fine, write down an apology letter and state why you were arguing or call a truce, both of you, now go!”
We both sat in silence staring at each other in contempt, Mr Ade had made us go into the punishment room to write the apology letter, so far, Mark had only succeeded in picking up his pen while my eyes dart from my pen which was still on the table beside a sheet of paper to his face looking both with contempt.
“Why don’t we call a truce?”, he asked breaking the silence
“Why would I want to call a truce with you?, I hissed, my face clearly displaying the disgust I felt.
“What did I even do to you to make you all so worked up about me?
“Am not worked up about you?”
“Then what? If at all I’m going to be archenemy with the most popular girl in school, I need to know why Nike”, hearing him say that is making my anger wane, crap!
“Well…”, what’s the reason again, ” yeah, you crossed my path”, I almost did not even remember why I got angry at him, Nike, you’re becoming something else.
“That wasn’t intentional na, you know it, you were crying and you didn’t watch where you were going, I should have tried to avoid you running into me, am sorry”.
Uh-oh, why is he making this easy, what’s wrong with me even?, when did my hobby become picking fights.
“Alright, I guess you’re right”
“Well…”, he said looking at me tentatively
“Shouldn’t you say sorry?”, he prodded
“I don’t say sorry, not in my dictionary”
I musta grown horns with the way he was looking at me, then he smiled, his smile was nice, very nice.
“Let’s go see Mr Ade”, he finally said, “but before then, I am Mark Johnson”, he said stretching out his finely sculptured hand and flashing those white teeth
“And I’m Nike Johnson”, I replied as I slipped mine into his and gave him one of my genuine smile, really genuine.



7 thoughts on “Life in High School 4” by Adenyke (@And-romeda16@NS.)

  1. Onome prince Tadafe (@thaprince)

    I have been following this story this series and am still trying to make a head of where this is headed. This is the fourth part, if I am not mistaken.

    The story lacks drama and intensity. I was expecting that at this stage of the story.

    That said, let me move on.

    A few errors that I encountered.

    1: Silence is silence. Is there anything like “more silence?”, if you wanted to describe the intensity, then you would made use of a simile or hyperbole. Like if you had said; “the silence was deafening”, that would have been enough to pass the message across.

    2: “darted”, not “dart”.

    3: “an attempt at smiling”, not ” an attempt at a smile”.

    4: “This is the first time in all of my years that I have been told to stand up”, not”This is the first time in all of my years I’ve been told to stand up”,

    5:”Stressing the word lady”, not “stretching the lady”.( It appeared confusing to me at first. I had to read that line repeatedly before I got the message. Am sure other readers will find themselves in such a plight )

    4: “exited”,:not “exit”. There is what is teemed as ‘Vweb agreement’. A verb must agree with the other verb. Since it is in the past, every other verb must remain in the past.

    “So rare for my mind to comprehend”, not “so rare for yourmind ro comprehend”. (We the readers, weren’t there with you in school. You made it sound as if we were with you all those years in Junior school. It appeared confusing.

    This just what I observed. I am naturally a poet. I just started my hands in prose writing and I really must say that it can be challenging. But consistent practice and listenership participation helps. Others will criticise you without correction, while others will let you know where you can improve on.

    What I am saying is nobody knows it all. We can only do ourselves good by trying to be better at what we do.

    Keep on writing sis.

  2. Onome prince Tadafe (@thaprince)

    I have been following this story this series and am still trying to make a head of where this is headed. This is the fourth part, if I am not mistaken.

    The story lacks drama and intensity. I was expecting that at this stage of the story.

    That said, that done, lets move on.

    A few errors that I encountered.

    1: Silence is silence. Is there anything like “more silence?”, if you wanted to describe the intensity, then you would made use of a simile or hyperbole. Like if you had said; “the silence was deafening”, that would have been enough to pass the message across.

    2: “darted”, not “dart”.

    3: “an attempt at smiling”, not ” an attempt at a smile”.

    4: “This is the first time in all of my years that I have been told to stand up”, not”This is the first time in all of my years I’ve been told to stand up”,

    5:”Stressing the word lady”, not “stretching the lady”.( It appeared confusing to me at first. I had to read that line repeatedly before I got the message. Am sure other readers will find themselves in such a plight )

    4: “exited”,:not “exit”. There is what is teemed as ‘Vweb agreement’. A verb must agree with the other verb. Since it is in the past, every other verb must remain in the past.

    “So rare for my mind to comprehend”, not “so rare for yourmind ro comprehend”. (We the readers, weren’t there with you in school. You made it sound as if we were with you all those years in Junior school. It appeared confusing.

    This just what I observed. I am naturally a poet. I just started my hands in prose writing and I really must say that it can be challenging. But consistent practice and listenership participation helps. Others will criticise you without correction, while others will let you know where you can improve on.

    What I am saying is nobody knows it all. We can only do ourselves good by trying to be better at what we do.

    Keep on writing sis.

  3. Adenyke (@And-romeda16@NS.)

    Thanks, “so rare for your mind to begin to comprehend” is actually right because she was talking to Mark at the time, thanks for reading

  4. Onome prince Tadafe (@thaprince)

    The way it was put, it sounded as if you were talking to your readers. It appeared confusing. You have to woek on your dialoguing and the arrangement.

    Keep on writing.

  5. Adenyke (@And-romeda16@NS.)

    It is clear enough though, it was in quotation mark

  6. Onome prince Tadafe (@thaprince)

    It was quite fast. I get the point that you are trying to make the dialogue like that of a college setting cos it is, but the arrangement of it has to be spot on.In some parts of the story I was a bit confused. For instance check this dialogue out

    “Alright! That’s it, I’ve had enough of you Nike
    and our new student, stand up”, wow!, I thought
    grimly, that was more like a roar. This man as I
    had earlier predicted is a smoker, even his
    attempt at a smile gets me all tensed.

    Who is the man that spoke? And there should have been a full stop after the word student.

    2) Check out this part again; This was sophy talking, I guess
    ,
    This is all your fault”, I muttered to my partner
    in crime, “This is the first time in all of my junior
    high school year I’ve been told to stand up as
    an offendant, okay, maybe not the first but rare,
    very rare even for your mind to begin to
    comprehend”

    Now who was talkingin the second part cos I believe that it wasn’t Sophy

    “My fault? Hello!, thanks to you, I became an
    offendant my very first day in a new school, I
    guess I should probably be groveling at your
    feet for this huge favour you’ve so graciously
    bestowed upon me, lady”, he hissed stretching
    the lady so much that it didn’t quite sound like
    lady anymore.
    He hissed. Who hissed?

    That’s just a few i dnt wanna go on. I get the fact that you were picking the story up from where you stopped, but using your quotation mark isn’t just enough. You have to point out who said this or said that.

    Check this out;

    “My fault? Hello!, thanks to you, I became an
    offendant my very first day in a new school, I
    guess I should probably be groveling at your
    feet for this huge favour you’ve so graciously
    bestowed upon me, lady”, Mark hissed, stressing the word lady, so much that it didn’t quite sound like lady anymore.

    This way we know it was Mark that was talking.

    No body no am pass. We are all trying to get better.

  7. Onome prince Tadafe (@thaprince)

    Imagine those who have not been following? Imagine someone who is just reading this episode and not the start of it. They surely will be confused with the dialogue. Anyone who is reading the story not from the first part should still have a chance to enjoy and understand the story, if juat a little bit, regardless of the part that they started with.

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