Green.

Prompt #3

I paced holes onto the floor of my living room. I had been waiting, for hours, for my wife who was supposed to take me to the airport. When I called her, she said she was almost home. That was one hour ago. I loved her but that woman could never keep to time to save her life.

It seemed like just another ordinary Wednesday, one which I had to travel to Johannesburg for just another trip. I and Esther had been married for two years now and she was already three months pregnant with our first child. It wasn’t up to a week I had spent in Abuja, before my office demanded this trip.

My phone beeped and I saw a text from her that read, “I’m almost home.”

Anticipation soon turned to worry as I began pacing again and I checked my watch for the umpteenth time. I just had an hour till departure time and the airport was a good thirty minute drive from our house. Some minutes later, Esther sauntered in through the front door.

Her face held dread that I had never seen before and she looked weary. I rushed to her side. That was when I noticed her back was damp with sweat and her blouse was stained with something that looked a lot like blood. My eyes went wide in bewilderment. “Esther?”

She looked at me, her eyes pooling with tears, and said “Fola, I swear, I didn’t- I didn’t mean to…”

“What are you talking about? What do you mean? Is the baby okay?” I flooded.

“The baby’s fine…” She burst into tears. I led her to the settee and held her for a while.

After some moments, she leaned back. “I was on my way back, when I decided to stop by the market, you- you know how I am. As I was coming out, there was this mallam that was seriously following me and- and I was becoming panicked.” She pursed her lips, “Then, he, suddenly, moved towards me and I grabbed the knife that I just bought and stabbed him.” She began sobbing again, “I swear, Fola, I- I thought he was Boko Haram.”

I was getting nervous. This was not the way to start a new month. “Esther! Why would Boko Haram be after you now?” it was ridiculous.

“I tried to help him but- but people were coming and-” She sniffed, “I don’t know if he’s dead.”

I stood up and began pacing. My mind was racing; there was no way I was going anywhere now. She was fond of getting in trouble but this was too much.

Just then, I glanced at her and saw her smile. “Esther? What’s so funny?”

At that moment, she burst into a fit of laughter. I just stared at her, confused.

“Remember last year? With the bomb scare?” She said between breaths. Realization settled on my face as she finally said,                                      “Happy April Fool’s day Baby!”



18 thoughts on “Green.” by Adaobi Onyeakagbu (@Ardah)

  1. heheheheheheh lol!! it was even funny with or without the April fool stunt.

    Welcome to NS and do stick around to learn and write more.

  2. Ahhh that April fools was too much now lol. We’ll written lol. Good choice for the pic too. I don’t exactly understand the title but that is really of little importance now.

  3. Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

    Good job. I enjoyed reading this. Did she have to go that far? Lol! I can only imagine what the bomb scare must have been like.

  4. The commas in the second sentence had no business being there. You don’t throw in comma at random.
    Google comma usage.
    2nd paragraph last sentence should have been structured better: “I hadn’t spent up to a week in Abuja before my office demanded this trip.”
    Better than what you wrote there.
    Also avoid clichés like…”to save her life etc.
    The story is also unbelievable and unconvincing. If it’s not fantasy or Sci-Fi then it should be as realistic as possible.
    What kinda mumu April fool is that one?

    Well done.

  5. louis (@luwizdrizzy)

    hehe,bros @kaycee if all editors are this rude, I would not write even a poem…every one thinks it’s funny, this is a fiction, so u don’t expect it to be very realistic,besides you don’t know how some couples are, they might just like pranking each other.

    Anyway my rant don finish,@ARDAH I really love this, it’s so funny, maybe next year’s own might be a plane crash (God forbid ooo) lol…. really funny

    1. YES! You get to be free when you’re writing. You get to convince your readers that a black wall is actually white. We all can’t write for the unconvinced and I am not in support of rude comments…. corrections can also be done in the softest way dear experienced writers.

  6. @ufuomaotebele @luwizdrizzy @ivie9ja @roy-journals I am so glad that you enjoyed it. @kaycee thank you for your candid thoughts but i was kind of having a hard time with the 500 word limit. I understand you are experienced in writing but try a different approach next time. If the story isn’t good enough for you, say it and don’t just throw in a casual “well done” after the bashing.
    After all’s said, @kaycee well done.

    1. Loool. That’s why they never learn.
      Keep it up. Let’s see how far you go with mediocrity.

      1. @kaycee I’m sure someone taught you. I’m sure someone also insulted you and that was how you got better. but don’t come in here with that attitude of that’s why they will never learn. You don’t know that much okay??

  7. Its quite puzzling, the popular perception that good critique MUST be synonymous with forceful comments. I’ve had the rich and humbling experience of interacting with masters of commucation; down to earth, everyday people, who pass across the most salient points in the most unobtrusive of ways. But then, who am I to judge? I guess a human being can only communicate with about as much skill as which he/she posseses to do so.

    That said; truly, this could be better written. But then, even for “seasoned” writers, depending on the topic, a 500 word limit can be a royal pain in the arse. I am most definitely certain that this isn’t your best work.

    The bright side is, you can only get better with the more you read. And of course, with the more you write… This done with the relish of a person who enjoys writing for the sake of it, and for the sake of the readers they love enough to want to entertain.

    Thank you for writing… Sincerely! It takes a whole lot of mettle to do so; to put your thoughts out for the scrutiny of everyone else, who have the undeniable and exclusive right to form a personal opinion of it. Take the good in anything that is said, no matter how little quantity of it you may perceive that there is in it, and no matter who says it. For surely, I’m sure that the reason you are submitting articles in a public domain and not stashed in your wardrobe or under your bed is because you want to get veiws that will make you become better at what you do.

  8. #wheeew!….that’s one expensive prank o..
    well done @Ardah

  9. @anakadrian, i think your comment’s great and there’s really little more left to say but i’ll find something…:)
    @Ardah nice write-up. I smiled at the end sef. lol. Funny enough as ‘unrealistic’ and ‘unconvincing’ as it was…i actually bought the babe’s story for several moments. But then i tend to be gullible sometimes so perhaps i may not be the best judge of such material. #shrug
    There are one or two words and punctuation the story could have done without which might have helped it’s overall presentation a little bit, but that didn’t take out one iota of fun from it for me sha.
    @kaycee Ah, this guy. Kilode? I haven’t been active in awhile but somewhere deep down i was hoping you’d begun taking those ‘chill’ pills with this your mode of communicating. Not many might believe me but I’ve seen one or two comments from you that I could describe as ‘mildly critical’ and maybe even NICE. That means it’s not impossible for you to make comments which aren’t caustic. So i’m just here trying to understand why you insist on presenting yourself as this “Get a brain, get it right, or get out of my face!” kinda guy. I might be wrong but, that’s not a good look for anyone.
    Nobody’s asking you to laud bad writing or pat people on the head when they don’t perform but we both know you can be critical without sounding arrogant, unforgiving or just plain mean. It’s your prerogative to ignore whatever anyone has to say yeah (it’s your call to make), but i just thought i should say something you probably already know.
    If your aim is to help folks grow and be better, then do that. Taking criticism well isn’t easy on it’s own…don’t make the job any harder biko. It’s not about folks being too touchy or soft or whatever. It’s about you needing to learn to communicate better.
    Happy new month btw. ^_^

    1. @kwiksie where in the universe have you been hiding!!!

      1. @ufuomaotebele my darling, i have no excuse (at least none worth giving). But i have been stalking you a tiny bit (congrats on your book iz all i’m going to say atm). :p
        I’ll try posting something soon…aaaand i’m going to stop typing now before we make ada’s post a chat panel. xxx

  10. Ardah brought in all the editors on this one…..lol.
    Anyway……beautiful story, that’s all im going to say.

  11. Korayday (@DelectableKay)

    Made me laugh at the end. I like!

  12. well, let me put in my two cents.
    1. I loved the story and the surprise at the end.
    2. I find it totally believable. My husband’s birthday is on April 1st, April fool day, and we do love to organise some serious pranks.
    3. Some people will be nice and still helpful. Others will not. If your aim for posting in a public domain is to get helpful feedback, you will learn to sieve constructive criticism from the not so constructive ones.
    4. Keep on posting. You will only get better.
    5. Welcome to NS. and congrats on making the shortlist.
    6. I hope to read more of your work

  13. This is beautiful @Adarh

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