If Only I Knew

Life is not always the way we want it. I broke up with the love of my life because i thought i could do better. Now I’m childless and alone at 39.

It all started the day i went home to see my parent.

“Abigail you’re not getting  younger anymore.” My mother said and sat down beside me. “What are you still waiting for? All your mate has got married.”

“Mama you’ve started again.” I pulled my gaze away from her. “Leave me jare.”

“I should leave you?” she leaned forward. “Till you get old abi.”

“Mama,” I met her eyes. “Should i go to the street and be announcing that i need a husband.” I hissed and pulled my gaze away. “What is…”

“You better start doing that.” My mother snapped. “Idiot. You want to end up like your sister. She’s now  42 years old no husband.” She rose to her feet. “You’re telling me you know more than me.”

My father walked in. “Whats the noise all about.” He asked.

“It’s your daughter.” My mother said.

My father slid his gaze to me and back to my mother. “What has she done?”

“Ask her.” My mother said. “Ask her the day she will bring her husband to us.”

“Is that why you’re shouting?” My father asked.

“Why wont i shout? Is she getting younger?” She sat back in her chair.

“Then find a husband for her to marry.” My father said and settled in a chair opposite me.

“I know.” My mother pulled herself to her full. “I know that is  what you would say.” She hissed and walked out of the living room.

My father gaze roamed over my face for a minute and became serious before he spoke. “Abigail.”


“I want you to think about what your mother told you.” He cleared his throat. “It is time for you to get married and raise your own children.”

“Papa.” I met his eyes. “You know Segun haven’t got a job yet. He told me to give him a little time.”

My mother walked back into the living room with annoyance. “You’re just wasting your time with him.” Her words tumbled out faster.

My father stared at her with a frown. “Who called you into this matter?”

“It concerns me.” My mother snapped. “For how long will she wait for that lazy and jobless man?” She turned to face me. “You’re just wasting your time my dear.”

“What is your problem this woman?” My father yelled at her. “Leave us alone.”

Without anymore word my mother walked out of the house.

I met Segun doing my final year in the university and we’ve been dating for over 5years. The relationship was filled with so much love, but Segun was a man who was yet to fulfill his dream.

A night after i returned back to Benin, i was lying in bed when Segun opens the door to my room.

“Baby,” he said. “When did you return back?” A soft smile played about his lips.

“Yesterday.” I said and pulled my gaze away.

Segun stepped forward and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Why didn’t you call me?” He asked.

“I was not having call card.” I said and turned my face towards the wall.

“Are you okay?”

I waited a few seconds be answering. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

“Sorry dear.” He said and pulled himself up. “Don’t let me disturb you. I will check back on you tomorrow.”

I nodded my head in reply while he walked out of the room.

I wasn’t in mood to talk to him, all i wanted that moment was to be alone and think. The words of my parent were flashing through my mind. Am i not wasting my time with Segun as my mother told me? What if he disappoint me? Men can’t be trusted, I thought.

I loved him, but what has love got to do with it when the money is not there? I don’t want to end up like my sister. I want a serious man who will be there for me at anytime, not a man who can’t afford 3 square meals.

Few days later. I was standing with my friend Juliet when John rolled his car to a stop beside us. John was a very successful business man, who has been asking me out for the past few months.

He got down from his car and walked toward us. “Abigail how are you?” He smiled.

I smiled back and kept my eyes on his. “I’m fine.”

“I will see you later.” Juliet said and left us.

John met my eyes with a soft smile. “You’ve not been picking my calls.”

“I am sorry, i wasn’t with my phone.” I lied.

John smile started in one corner of his mouth and wandered slowly to the other. “Abigail.” He said. “Why are you pushing me out?

I brushed a hair off my forehead nonchalantly and met his eyes. “I told you to give me some time to think about it.”

“You can’t keep love on suspense you know.” He said with a slight smile. “I love you. Give me chance to prove my love to you.”

I folded my arms across my chest and pulled my gaze away. The thought of Segun filled my mind. I don’t want to break Segun’s heart, but Segun has not been a man i expected him to be.

“What are you afraid of?” John said softly. “Believe me. I mean what i’m saying, i wants to marry you.”

I stared at him silently for a long moment and let out a deep breath. “I have to go back inside. I will see you later.” I turned and walked back into the house.

6 thoughts on “If Only I Knew” by Harry Enomamien (@Silvadereal)

  1. You should work on the grammar and tenses but I’m excited to see how she allowed time and love to pass her by.

  2. Great effort. Like @silvadereal pointed out, you really do need to work on your editing. Probably, making use of spell-checks might help. Good job, though.

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