Sitting here with a million thoughts in my head. I was cool were i was. He wanted more. He made me fall hard. I chose him. He was sweet. He called me his crown and I called him my world. He said he wanted to meet the family I told him he had to be sure because there was only one man I was taking home. He said he was that man. I did crazy things for love. No man could measure up to him in my eyes so there was no distraction. Its was me and him against the world that’s what I taught. Until the first came … he almost betrayed me. I was broken but … Then he changed, my calls were like disturbance. Cos she was beside him he couldn’t say a word. I begged him to let me go if it was not home anymore. He said he needed time. Then I saw her….. I was suppose to leave but instead he chose her. And came with the lets be friends speech. I was trying to save our friendship when I pleaded for answers. I was not the one who cheated, I was the one who wanted us to work but your last word said different. Its been days now and I’m still wondering how to face the world while you walk without a care. You promised all and i promised nothing. But i gave it my all. You were my best friend now your just someone I use to know. Somebody asked me why I’m not yet married I said nothing. Expected a wedding, now I have to give them the bad news and pick up the pieces. I use to be cool staying on my own now everything reminds me of you. Even my room does. I want me back. I miss the comfortable me myself and I. Don’t know what hurts the most the shame or the betrayal. Now I can’t even feel my own skin, I’m just trying to move. Would I love again I ask myself? I went to church today to pray and all I did was cry. I just wanted that reassurance that there will be joy in the morning and for this shame there will be gain. My wants ….. but God’s ways. I pray someday I will get my “beauty for ashes”.