Total Guilt

Elizabeth sat on the couch.

She had killed a cockroach some moments ago, before increasing the volume of the sitting room television, and when she looked towards the side where she had watched the cockroach quiver to death, it was not there anymore!

While she was still holding the remote control towards the tv, her eyes absentmindedly traced where the dead fly could have gone, and then suddenly, she saw the big winged creature walking towards the door of her matrimonial room.

‘Jesus!’ She flinched quickly, and stood combatively, as if she was facing a man in a boxing ring. Elizabeth had made sure that the insect died by stamping it hard with a broom, she knew that cockroaches were smart and terrible die hard creatures and that was why she had hit it continuously until its white juice gushed out and stained the carpet. She had planned to sweep it off into the waste basket later, and now that the supposed dead object was walking peacefully into her room, she was beginning to think it spiritual.

There was practically no explanation to the moving animal, Elizabeth picked the broom again, and raced after it. But on getting to the door, she realized that the animal was still dead, only now calmly cooperating with the hundreds of ants that carried it into their colony. She had not seen the ants from the couch, and now that she could, she took a relaxed sigh. Having physically explained what she had thought was spiritual; she sighed again, and told herself that she still needed to fumigate the whole house against such insects. Without wasting time, she hijacked the insect from the ants and threw it into the dust pan without a second thought, and then she decided to spray the whole house with insecticide, starting from David’s room.

***

On every other normal day, Elizabeth was a very distinctively calm woman; a transmissible peaceful aura always hovered around her wherever she went, and even when she assumed she had shown anger at any point, she was just generally seen to be displaying a peaceful kind of anger and every now and then, other adults would jest about her inability to show serious stern warnings to children, although everyone was sincere about the fact that her mild approach to child’s discipline always worked more miraculously than their own stern immediate lashing.

It was totally strange even to her now as she suddenly changed into a very wild woman, with unexplainable justification. Her hair had suddenly grown rough and her whole body speedily began to pump more blood than usual. If any of those neighbors saw her now, they would be shocked to their marrows, seeing an Elizabeth they never knew existed.

Even if her husband – who had known her since childhood – came into this room now, and saw her like this, he would be so disturbed throughout the day, and that might even ruin his weekend, and in fact the week ahead altogether, but at that possible thought? Elizabeth only winced in greater anger, she didn’t care that her husband’s week could get totally ruined if he saw her in this state. What Elizabeth’s eyes had just beheld underneath her son’s bed was too much for her eyes.

‘So David too has started?’ She thought angrily, soliloquizing as she continued her spontaneous routine of pacing angrily in her son’s room and stopping once in a while to stare at the object that had triggered her anger. The very moment when she saw the square pack, her emotions got the better of her, and she forgot even what had brought her into the room in the first place and even if she remembered, Elizabeth seemed to be nonchalant about it, in fact she now cared less if what she came into his room for was of much importance.

Elizabeth was still pacing, trying hard to fix the puzzles in her head; one thing was clear though, the sheath pack that she had seen under her David’s bed showed clearly that David had started having sex too. That should not have been disturbing, at least if Elizabeth had heard that a nineteen year old boy had started having sex, it was normal. Well maybe not normal, maybe not normal at all, maybe just common. Just common – yes, but at least she wouldn’t have been shocked to hear that.

The situation here is just completely different to Elizabeth. It was David! – Elizabeth’s own son – who was having sex with some stupid girls. The same David that she had trained with everything in order to avoid him falling into such temptations in his life, had now grown wings to do the very thing she had tried preventing.

‘Where did that spirit come from?’ She wondered, she had brought him up in a godly way, and had made sure that the friends he kept were not the kind that could pollute his mind, she had even made sure that she had a very good rapport with him always, so that he’d carelessly say everything about himself to her, but he had been smart to avoid what she very much wished he’d share. Elizabeth felt jealous, and she started to cry helplessly. First, because her son had started having sex despite been raised from a Christian home, and two because he was keeping things from her, even though they promised and pretended to say everything about everything.

‘Could it be one of the girls in his school?’ She thought too, when she could not detect any other avenue her son had. ‘No wonder he came home late last Tuesday!’ She remembered suddenly. ‘he must have been with her’

As she kept pacing, more revelations were revealed to her; the previous Saturday, David had claimed that he was invited to represent his school at a National Programme, organized by the Red Cross Society of Nigeria. ‘He must have probably lied about that, and gone to meet that same girl instead’ She concluded, crying more and more. Anyone who saw the way she cried would choiclessly assume that she has lost someone very dear to her heart. She threw herself on the floor and stood again to do it again so that physical pain would accompany her emotional distress.

‘A condom in my son’s room! A whole pack!’

She reached out for his school bag, and opened immediately, she brought out the strange notes in it, there were three notes altogether, all belonging to one ‘Busayo Adeshakin’. Elizabeth sprawled the notes on the floor, and herself crashed into the floor again, with helpless tears.

“Mom!” David yelled as he entered.

When there was no reply, and seeing the way she sat on the floor crying, David couldn’t tell what to do; he gambled going out to call his dad, or waiting here to make sure things don’t get out of hand before he brought in his dad.

“Mom, what is happening here?”

It took time before she spoke, “David, who is Busayo?”

“Busayo?” He almost screamed, “Mom, do you think I’m a kid!”

“Yeh! Chineke! Chinekemezuo!…” The woman cried, what she has seen was disappointing enough, but for him not denying made the scene more unfortunate for her.

“Mom, stop crying. See, Bussy is my friend!”

The boy’s attempt only made his mother cry the more.

Things didn’t get better, until Adekunle entered.

“What is happening here?”

The way he was looking at the two of them made her hit a quick conclusion that if her husband tried to pacify her by justifying the boy, there would inevitably be a contentious strike.

“Dad, I don’t understand myself.”

“Dear. You can’t believe this.”

“What (mom)?” Both father and son echoed loudly.

“David now has a girlfriend.”

“MOM!!!” David shouted

“Shut up David!” Adekunle would never doubt his wife on any matter.

“Check under his bed and see what he now keeps in his room.”

Both father and son hurried to see what was there, the curiosity that grew in David’s eyes showed that he had been totally caught.

“DAVID!!!” detecting the object before his son, father shouted.

David stood puzzled for some seconds, and then stupidly asks, “What is it dad?”

There was no reply.

“His girlfriend’s name is Busayo.” Elizabeth kept crying as she pointed at the books on the floor, for her husband to observe himself. Adekunle bent quickly, still with a stiffened frown, his frown became stiffer as he saw the truth in what hs wife was revealing.

“Mom! Busayo is a boy!!!”

That could have made the woman look stupid, but David wasn’t smart enough for his dad.

“How then do you explain that under your bed.” The older man asks angrily, “The packet is broken already, and it is obvious that some have been used.”

“Blood of Jesus!” David yelled, “Dad, Mom. Did I not tell you guys that I was going for a Red Cross Programme last week? Did I forget to mention that it was tagged ‘HIV Aids and Nigerian Youths’?”

“And so?”

“They distributed free condoms there ni naw! And most of my friends did not collect, we were all claiming ‘holy holy’ and some started putting it in others’ bag unknowingly.”

The parents were starting to look stupid, but the man still mustered courage; “So why is it broken?”

“Dad, they gave just one pack to four students! We needed to break it to share it.”

Looking more stupid at the seeming factual account, mother burst into horrible tears, but father continues probing; “How can we proof that now?”

David victoriously walks towards the small brown packet of condoms, and retrieved the only sachet inside, he presents it to his father and showed him the back.

As Adekunle stared at the condom, he could boldly see some words printed on it, they were words that would exonerate his son. ‘NOT FOR SALE’

He nodded quietly and showed t to his wife, who cried miserably after discovering her miscalculations. She cried even more, there were ways of settling matters than fear, now that she had mentioned that assumption in the ears of her son, it was all the devil needed to pollute his mind.

“Mom, I’m soo disappointed that you allowed yourself to think that about me.” David walks out, leaving dad and mom in utter embarrassment.

If only they knew that he indeed had tons of condoms in his church suit pocket, if they checked, they would even see some that have been used – David had already calculated that his church suit pocket was the last place they’ll check, and maybe his mom would have seen it, but the woman had allowed too much emotions to take over her actions quickly.

So while David sat outside smiling triumphantly to himself for being so smart, his parents sat inside with embarrassment, strategizing about how best to go about begging him, for an offence they didn’t know he was TOTALLY GUILTY of.

Parents watch out! Your approach to issues matters a lot!

THE END



12 thoughts on “Total Guilt” by Levuz (@Levuz)

  1. Hilarious…but also expository.
    You wrote it well, with twists and turns to keep the reader guessing till the end.

    1. @topazo, thanks bro. It’s been a long time sir, Is it my absence or yours that makes me feel so…? Thanks for commenting.

  2. David’s a bloody zon of a beishe… And a sharp baschurd.

    I couldn’t agree more… It’s all good for people to say it’s “normal” for teenagers to be all about experimenting with sex, only to become very upset when it happens to be their own daughter or son.

    I’m not going to say that very annoying line of “…at least he (David) was smart enough to use protection…” Smart? Really? So just because you’ve been promised safe passage through the valley of the shadow of death means you should carry your head and go there abi? When there are many other safer routes to your destination.

    Lol @ the cockroach affair… I’ve often believed that it’s them that have the nine lives, not cats.

    You called it a fly in one line like that.

    1. @anakadrian, this your comment is funny oh, so you won’t justify the slight fact that he uses protection ehn? lol, It’s unfortunate that some religious leaders are appreciating that though because of fear of STDs and STIs.
      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      @the cockroach affair, I am totally with you on that.

  3. wonderful piece……

  4. Omila (@oriaifo-donald)

    How to be calm under pressure!
    Sha, I wouldn’t want to be him when his mum meets ‘Bussy’.

  5. lmaooo @anakadrian reminds me of the joke: As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I come dey wonder wetin carry me go there? I dey crase? lol! This is a very good story because all parents want to believe thier children dont think for them selves that if they do anything wrong that it is someone elses fault meanwhile the boy is walking around with condoms both used and unused in his Church jacket pocket of all places lol you should have tagged this story as funny. Very good work thanx for the laughs and good read

    1. Ehen! Yes, yes… @Ivie9ja, that was exactly how the joke went. Couldn’t remember so I tried to rephrase it. Hahahaha.

  6. Sister Elizabeth free ursef o ahhh, u dey cry because of condom, you should be happy he’s using protection, you can’t stop him just pray you don’t become a grandma prematurely.
    And ohhh I love David’s approach, the is smart.
    @ufuomaotebele and @kevweodogun should please see this.

  7. Hahahahaha he was so smart!!

  8. Children os nowadays! There cases like this everyday!!

  9. lol. david na bad guy o

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