“Emotional Jaguda – THIS IS NOT A LOVE STORY! Episode 3”

I gather up enough courage to look back and I see him.
I remember this guy I say to myself. I see him everywhere I go. And then it dawns on me that he might have been following me.

His voice jolts me back from reason “You think you are the finest girl in this school abi?, just misbehaving anyhow you like”. Omo, at this point, my heart was racing and pounding. I felt like it was going to explode in my chest.

I mumbled a few things that even I couldn’t comprehend ” errm, I ….what do you want?”.

He replied ” nothing o, I just saw you here alone and I thought I should look out since its not so safe here” I couldn’t be more thankful simply because “WHO I WAN EXPLAIN GIVE?”

I walk-run to the party, luckily for me, its still going on. I join Dare like nothing even happened, even gave him a kiss while thinking “Gosh, how will I break up with this one?”

Now, I might have skipped the part where I introduce my kolo friends- Tola, Ngozi and Omoye. We were all in the same class and a terror to everyone.

Tola is a daddy’s girl, always talking about her dad so tey we dey suspect say no be really her papa.

Ngozi is from a typical ibo family where ‘ada’ must marry first before any of them even thinks about having a boyfriend. and oh her mum, sweet mrs chukwuka, always calling to ask us “I hope you girls are still VAGINZ?

Now omoye was too dodgy. We didn’t even know why she was our friend. She literally jumped into the equation to make us even and Tola was not having it at all.
I believe we all have that one lielie- mydaddyhasnigeria-i’mstillaVagin-isleptathomelastnight friend. Even when its pretty obvious that everything na wash. We just let her bask in her ocean of lies, Literally.

Now , what I didn’t understand about Omoye was her constant reason to have what I had. Even Dare was at risk in my opinion. We were sharing ideas on how best I could let the nigga go and this is how it went down


Me: Dare is so boring, kai. I feel like I am in a relationship with myself

Omoye: I am sure he is not that bad

Tola: Please he is that bad, If you are not interested, tell him now

Ngozi: I hope you guys have not done it yet?

Me: what does that have to do with anything? Even if we have, does it change the fact that he is boring?

Tola: Please send him a text message let us move on

Omoye: Wait, let me see what you are sending

Tola & Ngozi: “eyes rolling”

Me: Dare, I dont think this relationship is going anywhere,dont worry, its not you, its me. I want to work on myself. If you dont want to be friends, its fine, I understand” – SEND!

Tola: Did u now die that you did it?

Ngozi: Such a cruel world

And we all burst out laughing.

Meanwhile, my other phone had been ringing for hours and I did not even notice…..

6 thoughts on ““Emotional Jaguda – THIS IS NOT A LOVE STORY! Episode 3”” by You-cant-see-me (@Valerie-anne)

  1. I just hope they are still VAGINZ.

  2. vaginzzzzzz! hmmmm the mama means well o

  3. Sweetie, I get what you’re trying to do here. Writing informally et al but please get serious. Pay attention to structure, punctuation and syntax.
    You switched tenses a lot, would be cool to maintain one tense; past or present. Also, what the heck is that disclaimer for? This is supposed to be a story not some diary entry. And cut out writing in caps; I see no good reason for it. Basically dear, tighten your writing. Right now this reads like a joke.
    Now I’m sure my comment read a tad harsh and well, I apologize for that. But I will not not tell you the truth. NS is a place for constructive criticism not ass-kissing. You won’t get better as a writer if you don’t get the necessary tongue-lashing. Trust me.
    I hope to see better episodes of this because I think this story would have potential if you get serious with it.

    That said; keep improving your art.

    1. sweetie, I also get what you are trying to say.

      I am writing to entertain myself and have fun. If you knew the meaning of ‘constructive criticism”, your post def not be here.

      You can correct me on tenses and punctuation but if I choose to put a disclaimer in MY story,its for fun, its not that serious.

      Don’t like the way i write, kindly focus on your stories or move along!

      God blesshuu

  4. Waooo!!! @Valerie-anne, please don’t take it that way. At least you can thank her for the tenses and punctuation correction.

  5. @lone you definetely must admit that the critisism was not constructive I actually find your writing @valerie-anne to be quirky and different. Its a playful and entertaining work that shows a side of Naija this being Naija stories and all its bound to have pidgin and other English that may not be grammatically correct. Its not every time that I come to this site that I want to read the queens English in all its perfection. I like this the way it is Of course Punctuation and tense is important that part you can definetly work on but as I stated before that comment was far from constructive

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