The thoughts of how I would solve all my numerous problems clouded my inner man as I walked through the deserted pedestrian lane towards Aso Rock. I was going to start solving the problems first by seeing the President of the Federal Republic. If I get to his office soon enough, we can discuss other things before he leaves for any other meeting he has. I was planning to tell him about my flight to the UK, and how successful it could have been, if not for Senator Badmus, who yelled right in public – right in the presence of other ambassadors of different countries that I should not be trusted, because I could have been infected with the trending Ebola virus.
That was the state of my mind when I suddenly encountered this man ahead of me, I thought he was normal at first, judging by the way he walked calmly and peacefully. But the odor of his body had hit my face too suddenly, and I realized at once that it could only have come from a man who had not had is bath in ages; my observation sent my eyes upwards at once in intriguing observation.
This man ahead had a big hair, almost thrice the size of mine. But his dread locks looked more natural and unkempt with dust stains, he wore engine oil stained red shirt, which was bigger than his lanky body. The gentle man was probably too much in a hurry to wear a pant trouser because his lower limbs was left starkly naked therby allowing his phallus to dance in between his legs, while he walked on.
He suddenly rose his hands in the air, and made some prophetic utterances, I slowed my walking, he was obviously not a normal being, and moving closer to him could be dangerous.
I slowed for him to walk away far ahead, so that I would never have to overtake him and risk the scene of getting brutally hit by the lunatic. Another gentle but different odor suddenly took predominance over my nasal cavity. It was the most odoriferous smell I ever perceived. I turned around at once and my eyes stared unbelievably at another mad man trudging behind me with a very heavy sack glued at his back pitiably. He had countable long dread logs on his head. He was more mad in appearance, so if I slowed down a little more, he’d catch up. I impulsively jerked my pace, and moved faster forward.
As soon as my consciousness was brought back to normal, I realized sadly that I was already closer to the first mad man that I had been careful not to walk up to meet. This was a very deserted pedestrian lane, and anyone held in a conflict here would inevitably be left to his fate. Here was a devil-like mad man ahead of me, and he kept prophesying angrily in a way that showed that he was ready to launch a physical attack on his subjects, I didn’t want to walk up to him, in order not to appear to be one of his stubborn subjects, and if I slowed too, there was this other mad man who looks as fierce as a wild beast. I swallowed hard. ‘If they kill me here, nobody might even see my dead body, not to talk of rescuing me’. I thought angrily, and without a second thought, I dashed across the street to be on the safer side.
I had not completed the crossing when my eyes suddenly hit a third lunatic sitting very comfortably in the compound of many dirts, if I remained on this new ‘other side of the road’, I would soon be joining in his just prepared feast, from a distance, he was obviously hoping to have a company. My eyes steadied in his direction, I wanted to calculate which was the fairest devil, to conclude at once, if to return to the other two.
Since this one was seated, just walking by, should do a lot better than following or leading any of the other two. My hairs were on the edge as I moved the tentative steps closer to the witch hunt looking mad man.
“Young man!” The sitting man yelled at me, as soon as I almost reached his spot. My eyes travelled quickly to the other side of the road, to the other two mad men across the street, their attention too was reverted quickly in my direction. I focused on my path, looking away from the man now calling me. “Young man, I said come!” He shouted again, “where are you going?”
I felt angry, but there was no choice on a deserted route, “To Aso Rock, I want to see the President.”
I heard his laughter, and then the supportive laughter of the other two men across the street, after he roared, “This mad man is going to Aso Rock.”
The men seemed to hear what he said clearly, and their roaring laughter annoyed me more than anything. I, for some moment felt like fighting the mad man, but that would only make me one too.
“Why are you laughing?” I asked quickly, hoping to get away from this mad men palaver as soon as possible.
“You are a big fool, you are in Lagos, and you want to trek to Aso Rock.”
“Lagos ke?” One of the other men who had now crossed towards us replied, “This is Benue State oh, you idiot.”
It seemed amusing talking to mad men, I didn’t want to continue, but something in me felt a need to help them know that we were in Abuja, very close to FCT.
“See, you both oh. This is Abuja. You mad men.” I walked faster away.
“See mad man calling us mad” One of them replied.
Not long afterwards, I heard a siren blare loudly, and then a white bus parked beside us, “See,” I said to the seemingly sane lunatics, “That is the President’s convoy.”
They only laughed.
Some security officers alighted quickly from the van, they were big as sphinx. They took the sitting man first, and then bundled the other man along too.
“The third one has left through the other route” I was explaining helpfully to the security men, when one of the officers suddenly carried me quickly into the van neglecting my hurried explanation. There were several other mad men inside.
My eye suddenly caught my reflection in the rare view mirror of the van; In it, I saw my hair, bushier than a forest grass and my only outfit, which was a black colored blue singlet was already ripped into two, over a seemingly mechanic-workshoped jean short. My eyes stared at my feet, I realized suddenly that I was putting on two different slippers which were poverty stricken. Then, I knew why they took me along with the other mad men, – we were all mad.
I couldn’t tell if I had now gained my absolute consciousness or not, but I remembered clearly well what I heard from the speaker of a security man’s walkie-talkie;
“They escaped sir, … from the hospital… but we have retrieved ten, the other four have not been found.”