My last card

Have you ever found yourself in a situation you regretted so much yet you couldn’t get yourself out because no one compelled you,you got yourself into it willingly. That was what happened to me one faithful day.

I am an undergraduate at University of Abuja, am not rich but I no dey manage, I have a 1999 red Honda civic which I refer to as a Ferrari in my mind, and I’ve got designer baffs including a Rolex.

I met this Ibira chick a few weeks ago, she said she was in 300 level biz admin, her name is Oiza, she’s pretty but not that pretty, bleaching fit some girls and this one don bleach die. Anyway this morning the devil compelled me to call this girl for no reason at all and to make the jist sweet I promised to take her out.

I had only 3000 naira left on me, my account at that time was red, I have responsibilities, I have a car and as a guy I don’t cook, I always eat out. Well as the devil will have it I promised Oiza to take her out at 6pm.

5:30 I dressed up smelling and looking good of course thats my trade mark, I sat down and watched hell in a cell on dvd till it was 6:25 pm then called Oiza to confirm our outing.

6:35 I left my crib in angle90 and went to Total to top my fuel with 500 naira. I wouldn’t want my fuel to be reading E, then I headed to red bricks, by 6:55 we were on our way, she too do her own shakara small.

‘Have you ever been to Stanley’s?’ I asked after she had settled in my red Ferrari, wearing jeans and top, which I could have admired if the top was not too long and covered her back side, plain stinginess for my eyes.

‘No.’ She replied.

‘Okay, by the way you look good.’I lied, she looked like she was going to church. I gave her my charming smile, Omo I waz looking gud, I knew from her eyes which were praising me. With one hand I navigated my Ferrari out of phase two and headed to Stanley’s in phase three opposite our school.

Gwagwalada is small, infact students made a sizable population and there are many eatries, Mr Biggs was a popular one but I don’t do Mr Biggs, my nieces and nephews eat there, I should have gone to Mr Biggs at least one plate costs 700 naira with drink.

But the devil was at work to spoil my perfect day, so we entered Stanley’s and we sat down.

The yeye waiter came, atleast in Mr Biggs  we would’ve gone to the counter and  verified the prices before ordering. We ordered, or she ordered and I was like.

‘Anything you want baby.’ No be me oh, na d devil.

She ordered chicken, chips, salad and plastic coke. She pronounced it as seeking and sips, I be like wetin my humble ears dey hear, seeking and sips abi I dey watch legend of the seeker, even though Craig Horner has my physiques this babe no resemble Bridget Reagan at all with all her bleaching.

She ordered plus takeaway, e b like say devil posses dis girl o, but thank God it’s gwags, e no go cost.

As she dey chop,  me I dey look, oh my God, she did not even invite me, on top of my own money. As to not look like a mumu I ordered a bottle of Eva water and started sipping with straw.

As she was eating, I felt like like landing her a hot slap, who eats and orders takeaway?, she eat like someone that was starved, I  minimized my jist because anger was creeping up on me.

After the meal the mumu waiter waka come with receipt, ehhh!!! who dey give receipt for gwags, if I want receipt I will visit chopsticks na.

If too say I no baff up, I for place my hands on my head and scream Egbami oo!

I look the receipt, 2450 naira, my anger burst.

‘What!!!, what did we eat?

‘Sah you buy sikin, sips, salad, coke and water to heat here and also take haway.

‘To heat here and take haway.’ I repeated after the guy in rage, it was my last card in question.

‘Explain.’ I said shamelessly, I was going to be broke.

‘Two sikin na 600.’

‘Two plhates of sips na 500.’

‘Two salads na 400.’

‘Two rubber cokes na 400.’

‘Ehn wait coke na 120 outside.’ I said.

‘Na 200 for here ogah.’

‘Continue.’ I said, I was mentally calculating it, am economics student.

‘Take haway plate for sikin na 200.’

‘Take haway plate for sips na 150.’

‘Ehn sikin and sips no fit enter the same plate? I said using their accent.

‘No, the sikin big well well.’

‘Ehn.’ I urged.

‘Take away plate for salad na100.’

‘Pour the salad on top the sips.’ I said.

‘Ogah we go still put the money, we don already use am.’

‘Your water na 100.’

‘Totahl na 2450 naira.’

I payed with my last card and the waiter gave me 50 naria change.

We left but I said nothing for the fear of slapping her,if I was a cartoon I’d be red and bringing out smoke from my nose and ears.

I dropped her, went home and coiled on my bed, I was very angry, the pain circulated from my tummy to my toes, when she called I almost rejected her call.

I was hungry, I bought 30 naira bread from mai shahi and 10 naira pure water for the night while one bleaching brat ate a meal of 2450 naira on my neck and what did I achieve? Nothing.

I regretted it so much it almost lead to our break up.

It was the devil shaa.



27 thoughts on “My last card” by Amina Idris (@ameenaedrees)

  1. beht y do people lyk accusing the devil? no be u wan do big boi? oga park well, beta luck nxt tym. *tongue out

    1. I don’t know why people blame the devil for everything o, as if they can see him.
      Thanks for reading @shovey

  2. Stil laughing… who sent you? Devil ko, mumu ni

    1. It has to be the devil, who else makes a guy waste money.:-) :-) :-)
      Thanks for dropping by and welcome to NS.

  3. Big boy things go around to come around…

    1. My Oga at the top.
      Tnx @innoalifa

      1. U’re welcome, always dear, @ameenaedrees

  4. Hehehehehe, “seeking and sips”, Oiza na my name oo, and hello..,we don’t bleach *winks*…. I enjoyed reading this, I actually laughed out loud while reading. Welldone.

    1. @Raykeeyah I think say na Yoruba you be o.
      Anyway no be all Oiza’s dey bleach na lolz.
      Tnx dear hope NS has resolved your issue.

  5. Hahaha couldn’t help laughing…sorry guy in case of next time if any,make sure she doesn’t order for the sikin n seeps again lol

    1. Maybe rice and stew will do, at least they will be in the same take haway plhates.:-) :-) :-)
      Tnx for dropping by @kosnie

  6. Serves him right! Big boy koh!! He is even lucky bleaching babe did not come with her friends. Gwags for know his big boi levels. lol!!!

  7. Haba @lone you did not even pity him.
    You’re siding with bleaching babe not fair :-( :-(
    Tnx for reading.

    1. But na true nah, she did what every other campus babe will do. At least when I was in school, I followed a friend out on a correct big boy toaster and we were really treated well even with enough takeaways. I no dey pity all these pretending boys trying to impress.

      1. @lone are you a girl or a boy?, pleaseeeee am just curious.
        My guy no pretend o, it was his bad luck.
        :-) :-) :-) :-) like he said na the devil.

        1. @ameenaedrees, lol!!!! am a woman ooo. My profile pix here is my daughter’s pix. Just as Ufuoma said, na cheap boy. He had only 3,500 to take a babe out even if na bleaching babe, haba!!! For University, big boys really dey spend enof money. No be 2450 at all. The babe no even chop sef. Since he wanted to show off, we go kukuma chop am well walahi!

  8. Cheap boy!! chep boy! If you don’t have the money bros sit your butt in your house. Did she force him? mshew. Guy think say he go spend common 2450 and get something out of it?like what? change? see ehn guys like him vex me. and girls like her…whole your own money come.

    1. Ahhhhh @ufuomaotebele, this guy is an undergraduate o, in a Nigerian university it is not easy.
      He’s cheap shaa, and he got change too #50 .
      :-) :-) :-)
      Tnx for reading.

  9. I can’t stop laughing…seeking and sips, lol…

    1. Lol @Prudy tnx for reading and welcome aboard NS.

  10. lmao, he should have come to meet me let me take him to my Igbo customer in Kubwa, better akpu with egusi and sizeable kpomo, all for 250 naira, big boy ke?

    1. Hehehehehe @kevweodogun, no tell me say u dey carry girls go chop akpu o for inside kubwa.
      Anyway next time I will give him your number, remember you displayed it sometime ago and I copied it.
      Na kubwa you dey live?

      1. lol, @ameenaedrees no oh, I dont live in Nigeria for now, but Kubwa was my Zanga back then, but you can add me on whatsapp +1784 5931 591 just incase i decide to fly in for some akpu

  11. Na wa for NS peeps o! Una no go kill person with hilarious stories and even comments that are more so. Good job, @ameenaedrees

    1. Tnx @mcsnol am glad you find it hilarious. :-) :-)

  12. Next time no allow the devil come near you…

    1. Abi, na dem go make space for the devil later they go blame am for everything.
      Thanks for reading @menoveg.

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