STRENGTH OF A WOMAN
It’s me and him again all alone, I wonder how long we would remain like this without any interruption, if nothing disturbs us , I’ll find a way to runaway. I am getting weak and paralyzed on my seat, he is talking and I am responding too, he is moving closer to me now and am becoming uncomfortable. Will there be a touch, a kiss, a feel of the flesh on flesh? I am not sure and I don’t want to think about it.
Oh no! now he is closer, he picks a book on the table beside me, his hands brushes the smooth part of my hand. “who is the author of the book” he asked. “T.D Jakes” I answered.
Damn!, I shouldn’t have worn a dress with a short sleeve. My stomach ached a little. I need to run, I can’t let this happen, as much as my hormones are calling forth for the body chemistry to explore itself, it can’t be now, not now.
“I am going to the kitchen, I want to finish up with the dishes before your sisters return from the market”.
“Ok” he said smiling. He looks so cute, and I feel like having all of him, but why am I noticing all of his unique features, am not just seeing him for the first time. I walked to the kitchen holding the plates and cups we used for lunch, humming a jingo para-military song. “ I remember when I was a solider…hn hun hun ……”. He looked at me shaking his head “what kind of a song is that at this hour of the day?” I laughed, said nothing but kept on humming.
While in the kitchen, here he comes again, I wonder what has brought him here, he picked up a glass cup, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and stood leaning on the table of the kitchen. I could feel his eyes all over me. I hope he is not thinking of what I am also thinking?, or should I just let it out by telling him how I feel at this moment and what I would not want to end up doing. I am feeling like a teenage girl who is meeting her dream man in a secluded place for the first time.
Oh God! He is beside me now dropping the cup into the basin for me to wash. I was frozen on my feet but I had to regain my consciousness, to keep my head up, assuring myself that all is well.
He moved gently behind me, holding my waist, pecking my neck and saying something sweet into my ear. We both giggled.
I am weak on my feet now, any moment from now, we could get down to a serious business of heavy petting and touching. But I don’t want it or not that I do not enjoy it but I want to stay clean, it took me a long time before I recovered from the guilt of the last pleasure I explored, and am not going to let this happen again. I hope he keeps himself under check too.
Lord, I am praying in my heart let someone knock to distract us, or something should drop and break. Still standing and feeling the arousal all over my body, my red led is blinking danger and my heart beating faster, looking at the basin with the water rushing out from the tap, rinsing my hands I felt the warmness of the water, the sun had not been friendly today and the air conditioner inside the house is messing up. Woops!
Slowly I asked him in the faintest voice that come out of my lips “have you had your shower today?” he busted into a laugh “of cause” with a little peck on my left ear , “joking with me right? Or do you want some shower? He asked.
Oh lord I need to get him off before something goes worse, I collected a little water into my palm, “or rather would you want me to bath you with this” sprinkling it backwards into his face
Both of us bursting out in a loud laugh; then he left me to wipe his face with his shirt.
Whoops! Thank God, a bit free now, thinking of the next move to make to be out of this emotionalistic aroustic atmosphere. That is what I call it “emotionalistic aroustic atmospher” I heard it from my best friend Flora and since then it got stuck in my brain.
Back in the parlor I watched him lying on the couch playing a game, why is he looking so amazing today I asked myself. I took my eyes off him walking towards the door. “I am going to sit with Aunty Kenny at the shop” I said picking up my phone from the dining table. I will be there till his sisters are back from the market, it just few more minutes to go.
I have learned to do one thing when it comes to a situation like this which is to walk away never to wait for a special kind of miracle to take place. Whenever I remember my first experience with him, I laughed at my foolishness, was I waiting for an angel to tell me “stop it!” or to come and grab me out of his hands. What was I thinking? I tried to keep myself under control, but my flesh failed me. I could not resist the kiss, neither his grip on my breast. But when there was a break for breath sake, I came back to my senses and gave him a big slap on his face and started crying. He still laughs at me till now and he teases me with it.
We have been together for three years and it is 9 months to our wedding, this struggle will soon be over, we will both have ourselves and do all that we want to do, at any day, anytime, and in whatever style, I am laughing now… only if we won’t be tired.
I owe my kids a true love story to tell, I owe my kids a good moral legacy to lay for them just like my mum would always tell me and my sisters “I never sleep with any man until I marry your papa”. She says it with so much humility and strength, “after all if I no get all the money in this world give you, I get good moral legacy for you to learn”.
I want to be the mother my kids can look up to and be proud of, and so my husband too.
“Babe when you are cool please come back quickly, I understand how you feel. I will be on the mountain praying for you”. He said laughing.
Smiling back at him, I closed the door gently.
If I can’t discipline myself and live out Christ principles, I wonder what & how I will teach the youths in church on how to fight temptations. Lord I pray for more wisdom. Amen.