“Adejoke mi, what are you doing in the kitchen at this time of night?” dad asked as he was rubbing the remaining ‘sleep’ off his eyes. “daddy, I just came down for ice-cream” Joke replied while ransacking the fridge. “haba! Dejoke, its 2:30. You shouldn’t be awake by this time let alone eating ice-cream” dad said now almost awake. “if we can’t have a midnight snack, why is there light in the fridge” Joke answered now holding the cup of ice-cream and reaching for a spoon not even minding the man. “hahahahaha, you this naughty girl, okay you can have it but it’s just one cup oh, and you go straight to bed” dad said now fully awake and ready for his daily midnight reading.
As interesting as this conversation went, I was in a more interesting position. I was outside the kitchen peeping from the window. What was I doing there uhn? Well, things got a little out of hand at Le soiree and I lost track of time. Now I got shoes, in my hands, alcohol on my breath and a wish to just faint there so even if I’m seen, they will be more concerned about my health than my indiscretion.
*oh God, this man too like book sef. Go upstairs make I enter* I thought to myself while googling easy ways to faint on my phone. “ADEDAPO JORGE GEORGE” was the next thing I heard behind me. Yes! It was the sound of death calling to me. This would be a very good time to faint but unfortunately, there’s no banana peel to put under my armpit here.
“ADEDAPO JORGE OYEDEJI GEORGE, are you deaf” my dad called now slightly angry. *chineke mo. Three names? Preferable, Four names? That one na die* I thought to myself while turning slowly towards him. “ Kilon she nita ni time yi?” he asked with his face mixed with anger and surprise. “Ehn..ehn I….I… I (lord know lies ranging from I sleepwalked downstairs to I thought an intruder was outside so I came outside to check crossed my mind but let’s face it, dad might be old fashioned but he isn’t stupid) I am coming from a club” I replied.
Yes! I said it. Don’t even know how it came out. I just want to sleep and die now now like my friend’s grandfather died in his sleep while his passengers died screaming. “what the hell where you doing at a club at this unholy hour” my dad retorted bringing me back to the reality of the situation. I was silent at the moment, feeling so stupid with my supra on my hand and the other on my head like a girl doing the walk of shame. “can’t you talk ni?” he shouted.
“sir r r, I went to preach for them. I went for evangelism”(yes I admit, for a law student I was extremely stupid but I can’t cry over spilt milk. Wat’s done is done) “you went to preach? In a club? In the middle of the night? How stupid do you think I am” dad kept on asking all these rhetorical questions. “uhm.. yes, I went to preach. Jesus said in Matthew that he didn’t come for those that are saved but for the sinners.” I said with a sudden change of affection from hatred to love for Mrs Agbabiaka, my children’s Sunday teacher for forcing me to know this verse apart from the legendary John 3:16.
“oh…I see. Okay, what was the topic of your so-called preaching” dad said with a little more sarcastic tone. *this man won’t quit sha* I thought to myself. “uhmmm.. yes! It was about the ten commandment” I said feeling fly about my lucky save. “really? Okay, what’s the fifth commandment?” *Jesu!!!… this man has killed me oh.. why don’t you kuku ask me to sing the national anthem of Chile* I thought to myself before giving the most stupid answer on earth. “the fifth commandment is …. Thou shall not call the name of Jesus for no reason” (yes.. me too I know I’m dead so stop judging. How many of una sabi am)
“bravo. You are a fool. The fifth commandment says thou shall honour your father and mother so that your days might be long and not lying to your parent lie within that honour clause. See, I don’t have your time jare, I have a lot to read so till tomorrow before I settle your matter. For the mean time, you are grounded!” these were the constructive words of my father after the flagrant exhibition of my unequivocal stupidity.
“uhm, dad, how many days am I grounded for” I asked( God knows why I asked that oh). “till your fourth grandchild is hold enough to recite the ten commandments by heart” he replied while going inside. Well, the hard part is over, time to catch some sleep. Abi, the Yoruba people say “ori bibe on she ogun ori fifo” that is chopping off the head isn’t the cure to headache. I need my sleep.
As I was climbing the stairs up to my room, something fell from my pocket and my dad picked it up. “Adedapo, what is this” dad asked with an explanation demanding tone. And back I looked and saw my dad standing with his left arm on his waist and his right hand stretching my “Gold Circle” towards me. Mouth opened…… nothing came came out!