A Bowel Struggle

Theresa stood grinning stupidly in the motor
park. Her hands clutching her behind as she felt the “shit” trying to fight its way out of her
bowels. It was harmattan season but Theresa
was sweating. “I will not shit in my pants”
she said therapeutically to herself. All the buses
going from Agbado to Ijoko were charging 100 Naira.
Too bad at a time like this to be short of
transport fare. Not minding the ridiculous price,
she hopped into the bus smiling at everyone
especially the driver. Indirectly telling him to get
his bus on the road. It took as long as 15
minutes for a passenger to enter the bus and
with each fight for control over the thrusting shit,
came a broadening of her smile. She was
sweating profusely.
“Are you alright ma?”A
woman by her side inquired.
“Not quite” Theresa
responded, hoping that a conversation would
effectively reduce the pushing faeces.
“I guessed as much. With all the sweating and smiling, am
sure it must be pregnancy. Its usually like that
with first-timers. Don’t worry, it wont kill
you”.
Tessy wanted to say “It already has,
and I am about to give birth to a toilet full of
bouncing shit”, but instead she replied “Yea I hope so”.
The first motor gallop had Theresa chanting Latin.
“Is that a 2-face song?”
The woman inquired, but Tessy was way into her
Latin.
“Bonae voluntatis…” The push subsided.
“God!” Tessy cried. It was all her fault. The day
before, she had gone to a wedding ceremony
uninvited. It was a ‘mo-gbo-mo-ya’ event where
she had eaten all sorts. From Fufu, pounded
yam and semo to rice, salad, chicken and so on.
She wouldn’t blame anyone for her misfortune.
The bus stopped and Tessy slowly alighted only
for a fart to come out long and loud.
“Abajo!” The
woman in the bus exclaimed “So na shit dey do
this lady since? She for don enter bush”.
Theresa struggled all the way to her house.
“Hold
on, hold on, you are almost there” she cautioned
herself.
Pretty Tessy got home in time to find out
that her house keys had some how gotten lost in
transit.
The watery shit came out at that instance
to soil her skirt with ease.



15 thoughts on “A Bowel Struggle” by Gabriel (@GabrielNwogu)

  1. Nice one, especially at the climatic end of loosing the keys and having the shit mess the skirt still

  2. my dear i feel ur pain

  3. Funny. Nice piece.

  4. s'am (@samenyuch)

    :lol: This made my day. haha

  5. Gabriel (@GabrielNwogu)

    @princess, caught in that situation before rite? *oya confess*

  6. Gabriel (@GabrielNwogu)

    @namdi, s’am, thanks a lot. I appreciate u guys.

  7. Hahahaha so funny! @inoalifa read this.

  8. Gabriel (@GabrielNwogu)

    ufuoma, innoalifa. Glad u guys enjoyed it.

    1. @GabrielNwogu, the piece really got me laughing out loud………….waiting to read more of you…………….

  9. Lol! I know the feeling

  10. rolling on my seat laughing.
    very funny.

    1. (@empresssewande, don’t fall down oooooooo!!!!!

  11. Gabriel (@GabrielNwogu)

    @innoalifa No worries ma bro. coming soonest!
    @empress, permission to fall down granted… *covers face*

  12. mendel martha (@ihenyengladysusile)

    After reading this,i couldn’t stop laughing, after all the struggle …………………ahn ahn what self!!!!!

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