NESS (The Luckiest Day)

Ness was walking along the pedestrian lane idly, his eyes scanning through almost every object he came across; especially among those very productive heaps of stones and sand near the flowers. Whenever Ness heard a sound of an oncoming traffic, he would look back quickly to confirm that it wasn’t a green Benz; if it was green and not clear from afar, Ness would run quickly to hide among the flowers that decorated the road side in order to avoid been seen. Whenever the car neared and it wasn’t Benz, Ness would smile at himself satisfactorily as kudos to his smartness. Ness indeed felt safe; he was feeling especially happy this lovely afternoon because he had been given his transport fare twice; his grandma had given him one when he was leaving the house and with his cunning attitude, he was able to collect another from Mr. Stanley in school because he had pretended as though he hadn’t been given.
Ness’ mother hated trekking school boys, she did not like the way students littered the street unnecessarily after school instead of taking the quick energy conserving public transport to their homes; beside the disadvantage of stress and fatigue, trekking makes the child’s mind wander idly, which inevitably gives room to various devilish thoughts. So, each morning she was always very careful to make sure that she secures her son’s transport fare before leaving the house.
Ness knew that his mother was not expected to be driving past the street at that time, but nothing should be overlooked if he wanted to prevent merciless flogging at home. His decision to trek today wasn’t spontaneous, although, he had gotten part of his transport fare lost while playing in the field with his friends, yet he had more than enough to take transport; the main reason why Ness had decided to trek was because most of the time, different denomination of currencies could have been carelessly dropped by hawkers and other passers by, and no one could tell what fortune would be awaiting him in between those beautiful flowers, and so he would have trekked even if what happened earlier on the field had not happen to him.
Ness had rushed out of school today, as soon as the closing bell rang, to prevent any of his school mates from walking the road before him and thus claiming his fortune. The twenty Naira note he got lost earlier during the day gave him an unusual confidence of making very great fortune.
Ness heard the honk of an oncoming vehicle, he turned around to see if it was green as usual, but it was a blue jeep and so Ness looked forward to concentrate on his journey. His eyes suddenly caught something very fascinating. For a second, Ness stood staring blankly at the blue shinning polymer material. It was almost hiding under the dry grasses of the trimmed flowers, in that instant, the object was all that mattered to Ness, and so not even the oncoming traffic noise bought back his attention.
Ness went for the fifty naira note ahead without any second thought, before turning around to see the traffic. Luckily, it was a bus and that definitely was out of the options Ness feared. Today was Ness luckiest day, he folded the money into his pocket before looking around to see if anyone was watching, then it occurred to him that the money could be a fetish temptation, so he ran quickly towards the flowers to do what he had been taught by his peers to always do when they picked money or other valuables which they suspected fetish to neutralize it. He unzipped his pants quickly and urinated on the money. Now, it was safe and then Ness folded the wet money into his pocket. Smiling heartily and looking continuously at the base of the flowers towards the area where he got the first lucky note, Ness went ahead.
Ness had not walked for more than four feet when he suddenly began to feel boxed, it felt very unusual. Soon, he was walking on a spot and the road appeared wider and farther. Ness felt dizzy and decided to close his eyes a bit.
When Ness opened his eyes, he was already sitting on something very hard, he braced himself up to see. First, there was a lot of noise, Ness thought there had been an accident, but he was yet to find out.
Ness felt the chair (or bench) on which he was sitting on, it seemed harder than both and it infact had spikes that were tiny like human hair; it was brown and very big.
‘Ohhh!’ Ness exclaimed inaudibly, when he realized that he was sitting on a yam – a very big yam. Ness felt the yam was his size, he began to fear.
The noise around him was the voices of market women and men buying and selling different goods. Ness wondered how he ever got here. He yawned and stretched, but he still felt boxed and unsteady.
“Good afternoon madam” Ness heard a distinct soft voice in his direction.
“Good afternoon ma” The reply was very louder and deeper, it came from another woman sitting very close to Ness head, she appeared to be a giant, because Ness could only see part of her dirt stained, pink dotted gown, “what do you want ma?”
“I need one or two of those big yams.” The first woman said, walking nearer.
Ness was still listening when big black hands approached his direction and grabbed the yam on which he rested. His back knocked against the next comfortable yam but the traders didn’t appear to hear his cry of ‘Ouch!’
“That one na Five hundred Naira ma.” The trader said quickly, Ness wondered if they saw him at all. It had become obvious to him that he was among several tubers of yam. The woman dropped the yam on him and Ness knew by that that none of the women could neither see nor hear him.
He tried screaming loudly, but even he knew that his voice failed him at each attempt. It appeared as fun in a way, Ness loved his being invisible, but he hated not being able to move himself as freely as he wanted. He became very afraid.
“Ma, that one is too much at that price o” The first woman was saying, “What about this?” The woman continued, this time, she stretched her hands forward towards Ness himself and extricated the young man from under the others. Ness could hardly believe this. Few seconds ago, he thought he was invisible, now, what he is had become very obvious, Ness was not only among the tubers but he, himself was already a yam. At the thought of that, Ness fainted.
Ness woke up forgetting where he was, although he didn’t dream, perhaps because yams don’t dream. For some reasons, the first woman had not bought him. He found himself in the hands of another buyer; this was already pressing his elongated head mercilessly, in her attempt to confirm that the yam was good. Ness was begging in his inaudible voice for her to let go, but he couldn’t help it because she could not hear.
She dropped him on the ground harshly and Ness was straining himself to rub that part when a familiar voice cut through the market noise.
“That yam looks big madam” Ness tried to see who it was, but his view was very limited.
“It is the biggest left ma”
The new woman carried Ness and turned him over and over to examine him – or it. When she turned his face towards hers ignorantly, Ness screamed voicelessly at what he saw.
“Mummy!” he cursed whoever had done that to him, “Mummy, please buy me, please. . . please!”
“Hmm. I could have bought it, but see this part is soft, I think the yam is bad” She was pressing his cheek harshly and presenting it to the seller who also did the same as soon as she collected him.
“Ohh, no wonder many others have dropped it.” The seller said, “you can check the others if you see your choice.”
Ness was crying very loudly, but none of the women noticed.
After examining other yams, Ness mother carried him again and noticed the water dripping, “I would have preferred to buy this yam o, because it is big and my son likes yam a lot”, She shook her head, “But even see the way water is dripping from it.” With that she dropped it and picked the next.
“But ma, the dripping water is a good sign that the yam is just fresh from farm.”
Before she left, she bought the two biggest yams out of sympathy for the market woman. Ness could not tell how happy he felt that it was his mother who had bought him. He sneezed several times in the dust of his mother’s car boot but it felt safer than anything to him at that time.
It was funny that the same Green Benz Ness had tried to avoid seeing brought him home. Ness was more than happy when he heard the sound of the gate of his home open, but when he heard his mother park in the garage, he couldn’t have felt anymore afraid.
Ness stayed in the store room for more than three hours, right beside him, he watched his sister come in to take the other yam away. It was almost two hours after that, before Ness began to feel straightened out again, at first, he thought it was a joke; he stretched and yawned, and realized that he was already becoming a man again.
He crept out of the store flabbergasted, he raced out to call his family together to disclose the great testimony to them but they had all rushed to a nearby police station to confirm that Ness was not a missing boy which they have been alerted that the Police forces found in an accident along Ness school route; so nobody got Ness’ testimony first hand.
When his family got back to see him safe and sound, they were too happy to believe his testimony – his mother especially, was too happy that her son was not a victim of the accident they heard about. A plate of delicious yam porridge was presented to Ness, but he was too afraid, too happy and too grateful to eat. No one believed his story, they believed he was saying it to cover up for the meaningless walkabout he engaged in constantly, so only he knew.
Even he wished it was all a dream, but Ness knew what happened then because it happened to him so he couldn’t have been deceived. Till date Ness takes public transport to and from school everyday and when he sights a money lying fallow on the ground, he takes to his heels.

9 thoughts on “NESS (The Luckiest Day)” by Levuz (@Levuz)

  1. Nalongo (@Nalongo)

    Good for him as mu son will say.

  2. He got what he deserves,next time,he may not be so lucky.

    1. Levuz (@Levuz)

      @Nalongo, @aniefiokitong
      Thanks for reading.

  3. he may as well be a kleptomaniac…………

    1. Levuz (@Levuz)

      @innoalifa, no matter what, a kleptomaniac never stops stealing . . . or do they? I guess not. Thanks soo much for reading.

      1. @Levuz kleptomaniacs hardly ever stop stealing oooooooooooo

  4. This Ness, the Mess, is the real deal

  5. 9ce….really entertaining…

  6. Omena (@menoveg)

    Ness and his wahala sef.

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