LIKE A DREAM (Episode 1)

Like A DreamGeorge turned in his bed as the alarm buzzed on his Nokia phone; he picked up the phone lying on the rug, hissing and muttering under his breath “today is Saturday, why is this fucking alarm going off by 5:30am?” he pressed the stop button on his phone, scrolled down to ‘repeat alarm function’ and unchecked Saturday and Sunday before turning to face the girl sleeping beside him.

Shifting up on the bed and resting on his elbow, he took a good look at the girl wrapped up like a samosa and breathing softly under the thick blue duvet; the cold and dry harmattan wind was blowing down from the north; he smiled to himself as he remembered how the girl snuggled close and begged him to cover her with his jacket while sitting at the back of the cab on their way home the night before. He gladly obliged; grinning to himself in the dark and anticipating another night of steamy, wild sex with a girl whose name he didn’t bother to commit to memory after the initial introduction at the club.

He tried to remember her name so he could at least call her by her name once they get home “I think Benny said her name was Jane, Kate…. Or something like that” he thought to himself

George would not have to bother himself, he really didn’t need her name as he would not have any reason to see her anymore after that night; same way he never needed to see any of the girls he had brought home from various Lagos night clubs he visited every fortnight, and this particular girl was not even his ‘type’ but Benny was sure he would be more than convinced by the morrow.

**************

The cab pulled up in front of a big house where he rented a one-bedroom apartment at the back, he alighted “Hey babe, here we are; this is where I live” he said to her as he motioned her to alight from the cab while holding the door. “Hmmmmm, he is a gentleman…” the girl thought to herself as she stepped out of the cab.

*********

This particular girl eventually surpassed his expectation; she did everything imaginable and unimaginable to him in bed, and he simply couldn’t stop looking at her full figured sexy body. He sat up, leaning against the bed post as he let his brain do a recast of how he met this tigress who had slightly altered his perception about full figured women.

**********

He was in company of his friends; Tunde, a.k.a Thunder and Bernard who prefers to be called Benny at all times, the three of them together are referred to as ‘the triumvirate of exemptions’, a nomenclature bestowed on them by some of their friends back in the University. Giorgio as George is called by everybody, Thunder and Benny had a way of getting anything and everything done back then, they were the go-to guys for whatever anyone needed on campus from sublime to ridiculous. They still remained close friends after school and as they all believe, working their ways to the top. Thunder, who is an architect by profession, is the ‘enjoyment minister’ who could probably drink a whole brewery to the ground; he works with a construction firm and he has some money to throw around for weekend outings. Benny who is a freelancer and still looking for that ‘breakthrough’ contract  is the ‘minister for women affairs’, the name  given to him in the university and has stuck like a leech due to his dexterity with women, no guy dared place a bet with Benny over their girlfriend or even sister; Benny would make sure he ‘beds’ the lady in question and bring some form of proof with him, a souvenir which he would fondly refer to as ‘memento of a magical night’, he drinks as well but not as much as Thunder. Giorgio on the other hand works in one of the new generation banks, he is not a fan of liquor neither is he a teetotaler but he likes beautiful women especially the slim, tall and fair ones, and any woman who is not slim, fair, and tall can never be beautiful where Giorgio is concerned; he is a tall and good-looking guy himself, and he doesn’t feel he owes anyone any apology for his perception of ‘beautiful’. So, when Benny suddenly appeared in company of two dark, average height, full figured girls at O’jez entertainment inside the National stadium in Surulere, Giorgio knew instantly Benny was up to something sinister especially since Thunder was not around and neither of the girls was his type. Moving towards him and grinning sheepishly, Benny whispered loudly into his ear “Giorgio, I have brought two fish, one for you and one for me”

“Are you serious?” Giorgio asked almost screaming in order to raise his voice above the blaring sound coming from the live band through the speakers.

“Yes, dead serious” replied Benny who still has the sheepish grin plastered on his face.

“You can’t be, you know me too well not to fancy orobo

Benny, didn’t answer, he simply motioned the girls to sit while he did the introductions, he later beckoned one of the waiters to serve them with drinks before excusing himself from them and pulled Giorgio towards the open space near the main entrance where the sound coming from the speakers was not too loud.

“Guy, trust me, you want to bed one of these babes, you will surely go back for more”

“Hmmmm….. And how would you know I will go back for more?” Giorgio asked with a hint of sarcasm.

“Because I know they are good, especially the one wearing a black dress, she is a tigress in bed……”

“And you would know she is a tigress because………”

“Dude, bone this interrogation now, ah ah! I have known these two girls way back and whoever coined the saying ‘once you go phat, you can never go back’ must have them in mind”.

“Guy, why are you trying to convince me? The night is still young, I am still looking around and I’m sure a fair, slim and tall chic will warm my chamber tonight as always”

“I wish you could listen to yourself now and hear how cocky and lame you sound at the same time. Dude, just give this babe a trial and you will be hooked”

“Hooked?” Giorgio asked laughing

“Yes, hooked” Benny replied emphatically

“Dude, you know I can never be hooked, not now; not ever again. That ship has sailed and it’s never going to berth no more…..”

“Hey, hey, don’t start. You are not the only person who has had his heart broken, so save all the philosophical jargons for whoever is ready to listen to them” Benny retorted, cutting him short.

“You are a pant, idiot boy like you” Giorgio replied feigning some seriousness and they both laughed. ‘The triumvirate of exemptions’ have a way of talking to one another, and insults come in handy but they never had any fight because of the insults back in school, and it doesn’t look like they are going to start now.

I know say I be pant, but you na goat, shameless goat for that matter, see your oblong-ish head

Thank you, it is better and finer than your bald-calabash head

Benny laughed so hard as he rubs his head “You don’t know the quality of the brain inside this head do you? ‘cos if you do, you would pray daily to have this type of head. Anyways, don’t fall my hand man, I have finished all the work with these babes and I have said plenty good stuff about you. So, just go home with this babe and give me feedback in the morning”

“I hope you didn’t tell her she is not my type though; I’m actually thinking  maybe I can just have a change of menu for once”

“Good boy, that means we are all good, let me just grab 2 bottles since Thunder is not here to declare for the men, and we retire for the night before this harmattan will freeze somebody’s blocos”.

They both laughed and disappeared into the club

 ************

“Hey, Giorgio…. I am cold” her coo broke his thought as she unwrapped herself from the duvet, snuggled close to him and ran her hands down his hairy torso. Her voice was melodious, effortlessly powering some force down Giorgio’s spine. He held her close in a very warm embrace and recalled the taste of whiskey in her mouth as he kissed her; the glare of rushing lights as he looked into her hazy eyes, and he couldn’t resist taking her again and again. After about 30 minutes, they both lay on their backs, spent and exhausted, thoughts running through Giorgio’s mind; he was feeling different about this girl, he was thinking of asking her to stay till Monday morning.

“What is wrong with me? Am I beginning to like this girl?” 

“No, it is impossible; she is just like every other girl I pick up at the club. Yes, she is sweeter than I ever imagined, but she is still a club girl. Besides, my feelings for any girl stops at the level of attraction as my heart is now made of stone and can’t love any girl no matter how good she is. And no girl can ever be as good as Shade, the only woman I ever loved and the only one who broke my heart…….” He was lost in thoughts until the voice cooed again, bringing him back to consciousness.

“Tell me about your love-life”

“Huh?”

“Tell me about your girlfriend, fiancée or are you married?”

“Uhmmmm… No, I’m not married and truly I don’t have a love life”

“You are a liar, how can you not have a love-life as old and as handsome as you are?” she asked as she hits his chest lovingly

“Hmmmmm, Babe…..”

“You don’t remember my name, do you? That is why you have been calling me babe right?” she asked feigning anger

“I am sorry, it skipped my mind; you know we didn’t have much time to talk at the club”

“Well, my name is Joan; I’m from Edo State, will be 27 in two months, single and work with an insurance firm. Can we now talk about you and your love-life?”

“Well, some interesting profile you got there. I am………..” he was cut short as the doorbell rang.

“Who could be looking for me this early? Definitely not Benny, he would still be with his own chic and he wouldn’t be that eager to come in this early just to get feedback on this chic’s performance. And since it’s the last Saturday of the month; no one would want to be arrested for moving around during the monthly sanitation exercise. Then, it has to be the landlord; the man can disturb person jare”. Giorgio thought as he got up from bed.

 “Ah! I hope that is not your girlfriend, I don’t want any trouble oh” Joan said as she hurriedly got out of bed and made for the wardrobe to get her clothes

“Calm down and get back to bed. I told you I don’t have a love-life; besides, this is my house, my life, and I am not answerable to anyone.”  He said to her assuredly

“I know it’s your house but I don’t just want somebody to pour hot water on me this early morning oh” she said with a bit of sarcasm in her voice. She was already liking this guy in a way she couldn’t understand but this early morning intruder……..

“Come here” he said as he dragged her back before she could get to her clothes and pinning her to the wall, his lips encompassing hers in a passionate and fiery overlap,  “This has to be something, it has to be what they call love at first sight or is it at first touch?” Joan thought as she responded with zest of a wounded carnivore.

“Grinnnnnn, grinnnnnn” the doorbell buzzed again, breaking her thoughts and their kiss

“Please, attend to your visitor”

“Why are you sounding this way?” Giorgio asked.

“Nothing really, I am just scared a bit, I don’t want any problem”

“There won’t be any; truth is, I haven’t felt this way for any girl in a while and I wouldn’t want us to end this today”

“I understand, and I wish you could see my heart too, but please attend to whoever is at the door”

“It has to be my landlord. But if you insist, I will go and check and we shall continue from where we stopped” he kissed her again before heading to the living room clad only in his boxers.

**********

Giorgio held the door as if in a trance; rooted to the spot and staring at the visitor like he had just seeing a ghost, his mouth agape with apparent shock, leaving him dazed and bewildered.

“Sweetheart, who is at the door?” Joan called out from the bedroom.



23 thoughts on “LIKE A DREAM (Episode 1)” by Chris Bamidele (@degreatest2)

  1. Yeeeeeeh! Gobe ….. Giorgio, I hope it’s not Shade ooooooo!

    This is Suspense-filled. It’s funny. I really enjoyed every bit of the story. You did a good job with a description that could make readers imagine things. Your narrative voice is fresh to my ears, somehow. The dialogues are real with nice colloquial, and I can easily relate with your characters. I like the way you let us know the character’s profile in a subtle way, and with few words.

    Your word choice too….lovely.

    And I was wondering if it was your style to use more than ‘four dots’ (ellipsis) when the dialogues or thoughts of your characters trail off. Normally, three dots is normal in the middle of the dialogue when there is hesitation. And four dots, when at the end of a dialogue or thought.

    ……Thunder, who is an architect by profession, is the ‘enjoyment minister’ who could probably drink a whole brewery to the ground; he works with a construction firm and he has some money to throw around for weekend outings. Benny who is a freelancer and still looking for that ‘breakthrough’ contract is the ‘minister for women affairs’, the name given to him in the university and has stuck like a leech due to his dexterity with women, no guy dared place a bet with Benny over……

    In the above excerpt, you seem to switch you tense from the past to the simple present tense.

    I would like to read the subsequent parts. I hope they are all scheduled already. Kudos, sir!

  2. Thank you so much @ajenifuja – adetokubo. I appreciate your comment a lot. as you can see this is my first story on naijastories and actually the second story I wrote and if you check my profile, it says ‘amateur writer’ so most rules about writing, POV, ellipsis and all of that are still new to me, and i’m still studying them, but i will take note and get better at it, now that you have pointed it out to me.

    About the switching between tenses in describing what those guys, I just tried to describe in such a way that my readers will understand. but I will try and do a better job henceforth even if i am my own editor. Thanks a lot for noticing
    And as for if the remaining episodes have been scheduled, I have submitted them all for review, so i can only hope @admin schedule them in no time.

  3. Hi Chris,

    I told you I’d check it when its published.

    Nice.

    1. @Nnamdi, thanks my man. I appreciate!

  4. I adore your constructions… rich in nearly every literary ramification… keep on @degreatest2….

    1. @innoalifa, thanks for reading. i truly appreciate.

      1. @degreatest2, always welcome, waiting for the next EPISODE…

  5. So who is at the door?

    1. @Nalongo, we shall answer that question in episode 2. Thanks for reading, I truly appreciate

  6. not bad for a nice attempt.
    your transitions were a bit clumsy and confusing.
    your tenses were inconsistent
    use of suspense is nice
    avoid clichés.
    cut down on the words and descriptions, allow the reader to deduce some things themselves…

    keep writing….

    1. @topazo, thanks. I appreciate you for taking out time to read, and all the corrections are noted.
      But i would love to point out places where i overused clichés and too much descriptions. I got to learn from mistakes, you know!

  7. The story seems to start off OK. Nothing exceptional, though. I do wonder who is at the door.

    I agree with @topazo on the transitions – I found them very jarring, especially the transition from the scene in bed to the second scene where he arrives back at home from the nightclub. This second scene is so short that I would have removed this entirely from the story, or added it to Joan’s thoughts as she lay in bed in the last scene – something like:

    Joan lay back and let her eyes roam lazily over his body. He was very good looking; and he was quite the gentleman, as well. She remembered how, when they had returned from the nightclub, he had gallantly opened the door.

    “Hey babe, here we are; this is where I live…”

    I was also confused by the name of the MC. Is it George or Giorgio? You should choose one name and stick to it.

    Lastly, please watch out for tense confusion.

    1. @TolaO, thank you so much for reading and dropping a comment. I will surely watch out for tense confusion. you know this thing could be hectic when you are your own editor and you have your day job coupled with other things to write. But i will take note.
      I also agree with you that the scene describing when they got back from the club is too short and could as well be removed, however i wouldn’t add it to Joan’s thought because I want everything major to happen in my protagonist or antagonist’s head except where other characters have strong presence.
      My MC’s name is George and I established that in the beginning of the story, but you would notice that Bernard is popularly called Benny, Tunde is called Thunder and George, Giorgio…..! I narrated that clearly i think. for example, if Giorgio mother suddenly appears in the story, she wouldn’t call him Giorgio but George, while his friends would casually call him Giorgio.
      Thank you all the same. I am writing to get better.

      1. @degreatest2,

        To be clearer on George/Giorgio, I get that different characters will call him by different names.

        My point is that the omnipresent narrator should have a consistent name for him, but this changes in your story.

        In the first line, there is this:

        George turned in his bed as the alarm buzzed…”

        But later on, there is this:

        Giorgio held the door as if in a trance…”

        1. Thanks a lot, that is noted. but the narrator after introducing him with his real name, George had to switch to his nickname Giorgio himself throughout the entire story, to let the reader follow through with ease.

  8. @degreatest2, well done bro, room for improvement though. Wondering if the ghost is Shade?

    1. Thank you @Blackgold, I appreciate. I hope to improve as times go on especially with other writers giving their opinions and inputs here. Thanks again

  9. Well done. Oh, I don’t want it to be Shade oooo! *smiles*
    But you doing great, just the tenses and mind the transitions.

    1. Thanks @Tai, just check episode 2 and see if it was Shade at the door or not. I appreciate the comment tho and will try to mind the tenses. sometimes it is crazy when you have to write and write and edit and edit by yourself. we will get there.

  10. Nice story…really. For a while I was lost in the transition from one scene to the other, but I like the suspense that came at the end. Anticipating the next episode.
    But do well to implement the things pointed out by the other NS guys. For me, I feel you have some major work to do with tenses. I like your word use anyway.

    Well done, and keep writing

    1. Thanks @lordkel, I appreciate ur comment, have you checked episodes 2 -5, they have been published already

      1. You are welcome @degreatest2. I’d check ’em out

Leave a Reply