Hungry man is a “sorry” man.

It was not long after I dropped my Saudi-made prayer rug when I heard my phone ringing. It must be a call. And i just return from Juma’at prayer/mosque. As hungry as I have been- having gone to the mosque grated by our house-cook’s failure to get the food ready, before I left- I found it unsettling to receive a call at this critical time (of ephemeral hunger). I never thought of who the caller may be- just felt harassed. Ergo, I resolved not to take the phone out, from my tightly sewn pocket. Few minutes later, *melody * melody *…What again? It was the phone ringing again whilst I was dragging the usual lunch-plate- a metallic one, but rubberised. I paid no attention to the “call” nor did I stop the resonance; they should go to hell, for all I care.

I was munching on my meat in the usual, organised prioritisation ( I always finish the meat or the fish before going after the main comestibles) when the phone rang again, but this time different tone and different duration.

“A text message.” I thought.

I did not give a damn to check; continued with my miniature feast. Yummy! the food was so delicious, and the smell redolent. The house-cook’s respect and admiration increased in my eyes, I felt like snuggling her… Mammy won’t spare her engaged son reacting this way; not when it’s almost a week to his wedding. I just enjoyed the food. I still can remember myself mouthing “ummm”, but bereft of words to justly describe the reminiscence.

” Krn! Krn…” rang the phone, for the third time.

Having just done with my food (I’d decided to check the phone immediately after the meal) I plunged my hand into the pocket to bring out the phone. No name assigned to the number; I don’t know or have it in my phone/record.

” Mtswwww! ” I hissed and picked ” Hello, who’s it?”

But the caller hanged up without a word. I shrugged and scroll away. Two missed calls, one message- I hastily unlock the screen to nurture my inquisitiveness- Ya Salam! What I read…. Lord of mercy! It was a message from Bilkisu, my fiancĂ©. I felt guilty and disconcerted.

” Why haven’t I…?” Why?” I stuttered.

All the two missed calls were Bilkisu’s. I can’t believe what I did. What next? I opened the text message, but it appeared to me that it was from an unknown number- perhaps the one that called me recently.

” Hmm. Tell the woman who halted you from picking up my phone that she’s not a woman enough, since she can’t stop a man like you from answering from a new number. Hmm, I pity this infantile woman. And to you, thanks a lot.” the message reads.

” It is Bilkisu- what did she concluded? that I refused to pick her phone? Oh, no. I must explain. Yes, I must clarify this.” I told myself.

My hunger returned. What she may think, i don’t know. Women are very stuporous; she might have thought that I intentionally ignored her calls.

“Kai! wait, I eventually answered the last call and she’s the same caller. Lallai, I have no point to prove. She won’t believe me. But I shall try.” I spoke, inwardly.

I speedily grabbed my phone to call her. I searched all the phone-book but couldn’t locate the name “Future” (for that was what I call her). I scrolled down again…D,E,F- yes! got it; “Future” located! I calmed down and organised myself. I rallied and garnered my remaining courage to coax her. I arranged all my pleas in one basket; I just want her ears, finish!
I dialled, it’s ringing but no answer. Second time, third time…. 7 times but still, it went on, no answer. It was at my final attempt that the screen of my phone dare to display “user busy”- that means the user has rejected the call out of volition. My emotions grew wild not because she is angry with me ( we love and forgive each other), but because she may report me to my mother; who’ll NEVER take it lightly with me. I paced about my room, pensive. I planned this, I planned that. Then suddenly an idea struck me- why not visit her in person?

” Yes, that’s it. I believe when we see face to face she will listen and hopefully understand, plus agree with me. I have to go as early as the evening begin to evince.” I determined.

I used to take a temporal nap in the noon- when the sun passed the center of the sky- around 3pm. Alas! the siesta cannot be granted its deserved justice; I can’t sleep due to this deliberate incidence. It’s not that I am an pessimist. I tried as hard as I could to snooze but couldn’t. I blame myself for agitating my sweetie- which may cost me a thing, or diminish the trust Bilkisu had for me (is that Rihanna who said “love don’t cost a thing?)- and for denying me my “right” to doze. But don’t blame me, blame it on hunger!



12 thoughts on “Hungry man is a “sorry” man.” by El-Amin Yusuf Alronawy (@ElAminAlronawy)

  1. Your woman is distrustful.
    you sef you love food more than your woman.
    Interesting piece.

  2. i agree with @bunmiril worstdtill the dude doesn’t have his babe’s no offhand. anyway nice but the flow of wordsseems clamped or somethimg

    1. @ElAminAlronawy, it’s a good piece but not without some structural deficiencies as @sarahchristy21 notes. There’s an example of such just at the beginning – “And i just return[returned]” It’s a nice story anyway. You could check out my poem at http://www.naijastories.com/2014/03/elove-poetry-peeling-back-the-mask/ Thanks.

  3. Quite a few grammatical errors and you used some big words where simple ones would have done justice.

  4. Nice story.

    I’m just wondering. If Biliku just called him, why did he go through the trouble of searching her number from the phonebook? Just wondering.

  5. Interesting. FuN

  6. Hope you sorted everything out.

  7. Hmmm…okay.

    But like @innoalifa said, the story has some structural deficiencies.
    You make a number of distracting references that end up confusing the reader as to where the story is going. This made the story a bit complex to grasp and disrupted the flow in many ways.

    The first line:
    “It was not long after I dropped my Saudi-made prayer rug when I heard my phone ringing. It must be a call.”

    I would have thought he used the same ring tone for both calls and text messages and thus you wrote that. But further down the story you made it clear that the ringtone for text messages was different which contradicts that first line.

    Please take time to read through your work.

    1. @ElAminAlronawy, I think you should consider @Afronuts‘ observations and make your story better. You could check out my poem at http://www.naijastories.com/2014/03/elove-poetry-peeling-back-the-mask/…. Thanks!

  8. All this grammer for nothing…this was hard to read..story was everywhere..
    Score: F9

    C for effort sha

  9. Honeywrites (@Rachel_Williams)

    Really the errors were distracting. There were a few inconsistencies too as @Afronaut has stated. Take your time to edit properly but you do have potential…
    Keep writing!

  10. most observations already noted. keep writing and improving

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