My eyes glared, no human has ever used such words on me, not even my father, this is supposed to be a workplace not a house, how dare she call me stupid? And for what reason if I may ask, The way I was dressed? Who does that? I had to step back for a little while and assess myself. I wasn’t that bad, while it was very true that I was not dressed appropriately for the office, the truth remained that I was not dressed so badly either.
Here I was in her office, obviously accepting that I was guilty and ready to do anything to remedy the guilt.
“You’re nauseating me, in fact get out of my office” she shouted again. I simply smirked and headed for the door but not without apologizing one more time. I felt like saying something else to her actually, but I held my tongue, it would have felt good if I had fired her a warning not to insult me again, after all, this is an office environment but the Christianity in me would not allow me to do so, instead it was an apology that emanated from my mouth.
And it was as though my apology infuriated her the more, “in fact you need to go home now, and don’t return to this office until you are properly dressed”. It shouldn’t have shocked me, but it did. I had to walk out of the office without her permission, to recover from what I had just heard. I began calculating, I played a scenario in my head where I replied without leaving her office, “so you are giving me the day off?” Her reply would have been catastrophic. I summoned up my courage and made my entrance back to her office, it was as though she was expecting me…she stood up from behind the large table that was her desk in all her fullness, and at that moment, I was blinded with mischief, all I could see was a ball like creature that could only be likened to a huge fat frog that was about to explode based on the way that her eye balls were bulging with fury.
“What are you still doing here? You’re an irresponsible twat!”
“err…….em I came to explain some things to you ma’am”
“I am in no mood to listen to anything that concerns you or comes out of that filthy mouth of yours”.
At that moment, my mind derailed from my looming doom and I wondered how it was that she knew that my mouth was filthy but I quickly brushed the thought aside.
“I can’t go home ma’” I managed to say and I swallowed slowly bracing myself for whatever she was going to throw at me next. She was however surprisingly silent as though she was pondering a perfect and the most toxic reply for me.
“All my good clothes are at the laundry, the dry cleaner is not through with them yet” I continued when she didn’t reply.
“See this mad boy ooooo!” She screamed and laughed sarcastically. “So what you’re trying to tell me is that you don’t do your own laundry?” The anger that arose within me choked whatever word that I was going to say out of me. But I still managed to mutter a “Yes” not to seem too rude if I didn’t reply.
“I always knew that your problem was laziness, you are just way too lazy, so at your age, you employ a dry cleaner to do your laundry?” she asked sarcastically with her arms akimbo while her upper body was thrown forward simultaneously revealing two hugely disgusting lumps that were supposed to serve as her breast. My mind wandered yet again to what my colleague from another agency had told me about the hostility that is often exhibited by female bosses that it could be attributed to sexual frustrations at home and I couldn’t help but wonder about the kind of man that had married this fat frog and how unfortunate he was.
“Are you dumb, or can’t you answer simple questions again?”
“Yes ma’am” I answered, trying to sound as respectful as I can. “I get too busy during the weekend with church activities and all”
“You must be crazy for bringing the church of God into this” she blurted out without blinking.
“Sorry?” I asked, just trying to convince myself that she didn’t just call me crazy. “it is people like you that always give men of God a bad name” she continued without replying my earlier query.
“Madam, I have done no such thing, I have not even mentioned the name of anybody in all this. I would not blame anybody for my woes.” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
“Yes, indeed you have not, but you will eventually” I looked at her as though she had vaporized from the spot, she had started to irritate me, I felt that I couldn’t take it anymore. “Go and give me the phone number of your Pastor” I stared at her blankly, wanting to believe that my ears were deceiving me. Didn’t know when I blurted out “why?”
“You need an alibi for your cock and bull and your pastor will provide it”
“I didn’t know that I was being tried in a law court? Why do I need to provide an alibi?”
“Are you crazy? How dare you question me?” she asked fuming yet again.
“No ma, I am not crazy” I retorted putting my head down in the process.
“Now I know for certain that you’re crazy” she said while waving her hands at me as though she was going to slap me. At that moment I paused to think for a second, a slap from those beefy hand of hers would leave an indelible mark on my face for a fairly long time, but then again if she does it, she might get the query, but even though the possibility of her getting a query seemed sumptuous, it was not worth inciting her and getting a dirty slap that might disfigure my face.
“Madam, I do not believe that it is professional for you to use such words in an office environment to me, being that you’re a senior colleague and just a few years ahead of me.”
“O MY GOD!!!”she exclaimed at the top of her voice, her face was a shade of red, she was breathing heavily as though she was about to explode, common sense told me to leave that office there and then but my legs were refusing to see the sense in what my brain was saying as it stayed glued to the spot.
“I do have a right to report you on the grounds that you have been insulting me with vulgar words all through today. Hence we’re both guilty here, myself for my irresponsible way of dressing and you madam, for your irresponsible tongue”
It was certain, I had crossed the line, and my bad mouth has landed me into another ditch. But for some strange reasons, she didn’t say anything else, she just stared at me, it was as though blood had drained from her face. The color of her face was all the encouragement that I needed as I bolted out of the door.