The complete e-book of the Memoirs of a Lagos Playboy will be out soon on the android app okadabooks. Hence, officially, this is my last post on this series on naijastories.
Watchout for more stories guys!
November 13th, 2012.
I was disconcerted after viewing the contents of the memory card and was unable to function properly at the meeting. My mind was reeling with every possible scenario if Christy ever saw that video especially in the light of all that happened during Tunde’s wedding reception. It all came down to one outcome; It would destroy her. She totally believed in me because whatever doubts she had, had been clearly expelled. Seeing this would make her hate me and probably all men forever!
I was so lost in thought throughout the meeting that I hardly heard a word. Apart from an occasional grunt or monosyllabic reply when any remark was directed at me, I couldn’t contribute a damn thing. Luckily, Nike was around and was the star of the meeting as she beamed at the director’s constant praise of her achievements at our Nairobi office. She passed me a coy smile a couple of times but I couldn’t even bring myself to respond. I was that depressed.
Immediately after the lengthy meeting which lasted till about 6pm, I locked my office and headed out of the building before anyone noticed. There was a little Champagne popping so I used the organized commotion to escape. I drove straight to a bar not too far from the office where I would have some privacy as I dared not hit the road by this time and get stuck in traffic.
On my way to the bar, I called Christy and we talked for a long while. My guilt created a gush of weird emotions that I couldn’t control so I rambled on and on about nothing in particular. After we ended the conversation, I noticed my heart was thumping so hard. I hope I hadn’t given myself away so easily. This was quite unlike me. I got into the bar, selected a private spot and ordered a bottle of Harp. As I drank, I replayed the events of the day in my head. There was no clear threat from Kemi yet, I thought in a bid to console myself but deep down, I knew better. She had become desperate and desperate women are dangerous. I learned that the hard way. She wouldn’t rattle me with this video clip if she didn’t have sinister plans now, would she?
I’m to blame, I cursed. I should have noticed she was getting attached. In fact, I did notice on two seperate occasions; when she wanted to talk after one of our crazy sessions but I was so worn out that I slept off shortly after she brought up a topic. When I woke up the next morning, I found us in a doctored “spoon” position. I had merely laughed it off and forgot all about it. Well, I guess I put myself in this situation because I stopped paying attention.
I fiddled with the question of how to get rid of this unfortunate situation for over an hour but couldn’t find any escape route. The only way out was to lay it all before Christy before Kemi beat me to it. There was no question that I was ever going to leave Christy for Kemi. I had this sudden hatred for her brewing up in my soul because she’d played a fast one on me. It never occurred to me that any form of movie shooting was going to happen. I was proper fucked!
I picked up my phone and dialed her number. She picked on the first ring.
“Hello.” She didn’t have the number I used to call her.
“Its me.” I said stiffly.
“Mickey, I was wondering when you were going to call.” She said, sounding cheerful. I could envisage the smirk of satisfaction on her face as she spoke. It infuriated me the more.
“Just what do you plan to do with that video?” I said, uninterested in getting into any form of familiar chit chat.
“I don’t know. I just like watching it.” She said impatiently. “Have you considered my offer?” She asked.
“It can never work between us, especially with what’s going on now.” I said heatedly.
“What’s going on?” She asked innocently.
“What’s going on?! You’re trying to bully me into submission!” I said angrily. I didn’t want to use the word ‘blackmail’ in hopes that the thought hadn’t crossed her mind.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not trying to bully you. I know you love me. I’m trying to help you come straight out.” She said this with all confidence. I don’t think I’ve ever been this livid with rage my whole life!
“What?!” I said, not believing my ears.
“You remember the night you told me loved me?” She asked.
“I never told you I loved you! I said I loved the way you made me feel!!” I said barely able to contain my anger. I could remember vividly the night she was referring to.
She was silent for a while. I hoped I’d struck a reasonable nerve.
“What do you want?” I asked exasperated.
“I want you! Haven’t you heard anything I said?!” She screamed suddenly. I was about to scream back at her but she cut the line.
“What the hell?! This bitch is crazy!!” I muttered, staring at my phone, shocked out of my wits. What was I going to do, I wondered in despair.
As I drank away my misery, my phone rang. An unregistered foreign number.
“Hello.” I answered.
“Bonjoir monsieur…or is it bonsoir?” I recognized Tunde’s cheerful voice.
“Tundy, how you dey?” I said, sighing in relief.
“I’m great man. You?”
“Men, I’m having my first bottle of beer for the day right now.” I said wearily. He laughed heartily.
“How’s our wife? I see you guys have been visiting French kitchens in Paris.” I said, referring to the facebook pictures I saw earlier.
“Oh, you know Amaka. She’s trying to learn some french cuisines that she’ll bring back to Nigeria. She’s doing great by the way. She says hi. I’m taking her out soon. And C?”
“She’s great.” I said, sadly. He noticed the depression in my voice.
“Ok, talk to papa. What have you done now?”
So I spilled my guts. I told him everything not skipping a detail. He listened quietly.
“So you mean she taped the whole scene.” He asked again, after I concluded.
“You guy is live on blueray man.” I said sighing heavily. He burst into laughter. Yeah, I knew he was going to laugh.
“Sorry I’m laughing but it so damn funny! You know I warned you.” He said as his laughter subsided.
“Whatever!” I said impatiently.
“You still got the video?” He asked.
“I’m with the memory card as we speak.”
“Abeg, keep it safe till I get back. I just gotta see it!” He said, snickering mischievously.
“See what? Behave yourself jor! You want to see me naked?!”
“Eeeewww! Not you!!” He said, then broke into a whisper. “I’ve always wondered what Kemi looked like naked.”
“So said the newly married man who’s so in love with his wife.” I mocked.
“What’s there? Its not like I want to do anything.” He said defensively.
“It doesn’t matter because I’m telling!” I said and we both laughed.
“You should be worried though.” He said after our laughter subsided. “This will break C’s heart. In fact, it will destroy her! You know she’s soft-hearted.”
“You think I don’t know this?!” I shouted angrily.
“Well, I told you to clean up your act. We’re not getting any younger. Maybe its when Amy puts to bed that you’ll realize this.”
“Anyway, before your gloom makes me forget, I’ve got good news!” He said excitedly.
“What is it?” I asked, not really in the mood.
“I’m going to be a father!” He exclaimed happily.
“For real!!!” I exclaimed, brightening up considerably. “Congrats man! You’re a real sharp shooter. When did you find out?”
“Just today o. We’re celebrating!”
“Extend all my love. Ah, so my God child will be here soon?” I said, elated with the news.
“God child, ke? I can’t have my child around rogues!” He mocked. We both laughed.
“So what are you going to do?” He asked after a pause.
“I’m going to have to tell Christy the truth. I don’t see any other way out.” I said sadly.
“You know if you do that, its over, right?” He said quietly.
“I know.” I replied glumly. “What choice do I have?” There was a long pause.
“You know what’s funny about your predicament? It ought to be the other way round. Its Kemi who should be scared of that video going viral. You’re the guy. People won’t mind you handling two girls at a time. In fact, you’ll get praised for it – that’s if you put on a good show.” He said, laughing again.
And there it was! Call it a spark, a lit bulb or whatever but something woke up in my brain.
“Dude, you’re a genius!” I said, my spirits lifting up.
“Of course I am!” He said, cockily. Then, unsure of what he did, he asked, “What did I say?”
“Send my love to Iyawo. I’ll get back to you later. I gotta think!” I said excitedly.
“Ah, a brain wave. Glad to be of help.” He said. “Don’t do anything stupid man. Get at me when you decide what to do.”
“I will. Congrats man!” I said barely able to contain my excitement. I cut the call before he could say anything else.
I knew what I was going to do! Oh, how I love these Eureka moments!!
Malcolm O. Ifi.
Follow on twitter @saymalcolm