Things started going a lot smoother for us after the incident. We didn’t spend nearly as much time together as we used to…but every minute was worth it.
It was like we were dating all over again. We arranged dates and behaved like two teenagers in love for the first time. It was simply amazing.
Yes, there were times I couldn’t seem to wipe away the picture of Mo and Ruby together but it was easier to deal with it.
And just when I thought my life was getting back together, something happened that was to change the course of my life again.
It was one of my counselling sessions with Pastor B, this wasn’t about my marriage so Mo wasn’t present.
“When are you going to tell Mo?” Pastor B asked as I was about leaving.
“Tell Mo what?” I asked, surprised.
“About the baby.” He was smiling at me.
“What? What baby?” I plopped back into the seat…astonished.
He searched my face, bewildered. “It’s okay if you want to keep it a secret from me, Kemi. But I’m happy for you.”
I opened my mouth to speak, no words came out. What was he talking about?
“What are you talking about Pastor?” I asked finally.
“You don’t know?” He stared at me. “Oh my…you really don’t know.”
“Are you implying I’m pregnant?” The most stupid question of the century, I know.
“I’m no doctor but I believe the Holy Spirit doesn’t lie. Visit the hospital and confirm it.”
“I…it can’t be true.” I said lamely.
“Why not? It’s a blessing. God’s gift. You should be pleased.”
“It’s not true Pastor. You must be mistaken. I’m…”
Even as I protested, I could hear the doubt in my words. Hadn’t I been feeling dizzy and weak recently? Come to think of it, I’d had two bouts of nausea which I’d dismissed as a stomach flu.
“Go to the hospital. Confirm it. Tell Mo.” Pastor B issued his ever-wise counsel.
“No!” I yelled. “No! Please don’t tell Mo. Please…I…I have to be sure.”
“It’s your responsibility to do that Kems. Just don’t do anything rash, okay?”
“Rash? Of course not.”
I exited the office in a zombie like state. It couldn’t be. I didn’t want a baby. At least not now.
Shirley had been gone only seven months and I was still hurting from the loss, how could I bring another child into this world? I wasn’t sure I was capable of loving another baby the way I’d loved Shirley. I’d used up all the motherly love I could possibly exhibit. Every motherly instinct I had, had died with Shirley.
These were the thoughts running through my head as I drove. It wasn’t until I was there did I realise that I’d driven to the hospital.
I would do the test and get it over with. Pastor B had to be wrong. What Holy Spirit would give him such precise information?
As soon as I got to the hospital, I realised it was a stupid idea. Why do a pregnancy test based on…what? That’s what I kept telling myself as I strolled into the hospital and headed straight for my doctor’s office. I wasn’t pregnant. I was sure of that; I just needed to convince Pastor B of that.
I couldn’t be pregnant. I was on the pill. This could not be happening to me. No! I couldn’t handle that now.
“Kemi!” My doctor, Doctor Bala received me enthusiastically.
I’d always had undenied access to him at the hospital. We’d known each other for years. He’d even birthed Shirley.
“Hey handsome doc.” I returned his greeting as heartily as possible.
He laughed boisterously. “Come, sit and tell me how you are. You’re lucky I’m not on call now.”
I didn’t want to talk; I wanted to get this test over with. But I couldn’t tell him that so I chatted with him a little.
“S, what brings you here?” He asked ten minutes later.
“I want you to run some tests on me please.”
“Why? Something wrong?”
I blinked. Was something wrong with me?
“Er…no. Just regular check-up. I need to know how my health is.”
He eyed me. “You sure that’s all?”
I nodded. “Just run every possible test on me, Doc. Been feeling a little woozy lately.”
“Alrighty then. Get on that bed. I’ll be with you in a bit.”
An hour later I walked out of the hospital, still trembling. My results would be ready the next day, he’d said.
Somehow I couldn’t wait. The suspense was killing me. I wanted to rush to the nearest mall and get the manual pregnancy test thing. Although they weren’t reliable all the time, I could get my answer within minutes.
I willed myself to go home. I was nervous over nothing.
Mo called just as I got home. I still didn’t understand his need to punish himself and earn my trust again. I’d forgiven him and I wanted him back home. I’d told him that countless times but he’d simply shaken his head while insisting on his penance.
Forgiveness is one of the easiest things to do when you look beyond the crime of the person and see the things that made you love that person in the first place. If anyone had told me weeks ago that Mo and I would be back together as lovey dovey as before…I’d have tagged the person as insane.
It still awed me. That good feeling you get when you forgive a crime so huge. It’s a lot easier to forgive than to hate. Takes less stress anyway.
“Hi, babe.” I answered the call.
“You busy?” He asked.
“Nah…just getting home. What’s up?”
“Nothing much. Missing you is all. You were out?”
“Yes, I…” I stopped. I’d been about to tell him I went to the hospital. “I went for a drive. You?”
“Hmmm…nice. Well, I had an event to cover this morning. I just got back.”
“Sounds interesting. What kinda event?”
“A Hollywood thingy. I needed a date but it was such short notice that I couldn’t ask you.”
“Oh. Had fun?”
“It was work mostly. Met some important people, though. We still up for tomorrow?”
The next day was Sunday and we’d decided to go for Karaoke night at a club. It was my first in a long time and I was seriously looking forward to it.
“Sure. Why not? Except you have somewhere else to be…” I teased.
“Actually, my mum asked me to dinner but I took a rain check because I’d rather be with you. The things men do for love.”
I laughed, feeling good all of a sudden. Everything was going to be alright.
Or so I thought…
Doctor Bala called me Sunday afternoon to tell me my test results were ready and asked me if I wanted to get them immediately or if I could wait till the weekend was over. Are you kidding me?? I couldn’t wait. I drove straight from church to the hospital.
I needed to set my heart at rest and hear the good news of my un-pregnant state.
He welcomed me heartily when I entered his office. And somehow he sensed my impatience because he went straight to business…
“So, is everything okay?” I asked.
“Yes. Much more than okay in fact.”
That could only mean one thing. I wasn’t pregnant. Yes!
“May I see the results?” I asked, not like I would understand it anyways.
He handed it to me. “You’re fine. Nothing wrong with you. Have no fear.”
I smiled, thinking…take that Pastor! Did you hear that? I’m fine…
“Except, you’re pregnant.”
I’d been too busy gloating that I’d blocked out the rest of Doctor Bala’s words. The word ‘pregnant’ jolted me back to reality.
“What? I’m sorry what did you say?” I asked.
“Congratulations Kemi. You’re pregnant. You and Mo should be very happy.”