On sighting Funke, I immediately remembered it was the same girl who had ignored me the previous day. Our eyes locked and after a few secondsof staring at each other, she looked away and smiled. (Correct! good sign).
“So thanks for embarrassing me in public yesterday. I only wanted to be a friend you know?”
For a few seconds, it seemed she was torn between deciding to walk away and replying me. She chose the latter;
“How did I embarrass you?” she asked trying to sound and look disinterested.
“Anyways, it doesn’t matter. My name is Shola’. I continued.
“Funke’ she replied curtly. (Playing hard to get eh?)
“Madam relax nau. Am only trying to make a conversation here. I don’t plan to take you from your boyfie na”.
She laughed. (First line of defense broken).
‘Very funny. Well, am also making a conversation. Just don’t like players and guys stalking me in the streets’, she replied.
‘Eh ya. Am sorry. First; I am not a player. Second, I only wanted to get to meet you and didn’t know how I could if I didn’t approach you then. Still I apologize.” I said using my most ‘phonetised’ English.
‘Hmmm. Ok o. Am taking my bus here’. She said stopping at some point at the bus stop.
Ok. Can I have your phone number and BB pin? I asked.
“Here…08023.”(lemme keep the number secret ‘cos of some sharpt guys).
‘Am not giving you my pin. Call me first. You have to earn the pin.” She said with a smile, then hopped to the next available bus.
4 nights later after regular calls and bbm chats (oh! I sure did earn the pin), she was in my house. I opened the door to see Funke looking as sexy as sexy can get, she was a different girl from the girl I saw four days before. The girl I saw was cute and sexy; the girl before me was bad ass!
Her cologne smelt nice and she wore a really a rather tight skirt which really accentuated her curves. It seemed like my WMD also noticed her beauty as it started acting uncontrollably. Only my excuse of getting her a drink and subsequent ‘adjusting’ made the stupid thing stop from embarrassing me further.
After entertaining her with the baddest shawama in my area along with a cool can of Malta Guinness, I knew I had to ‘do it’ tonight. One rule of the game- you hit it the first or maximum second visit or you can as well forget it. The problem I faced was how to get her to come to my room. Under the guise of showing her around my crib, I invited her to my room to show her around. She simply stood at the door refusing to join me on the bed where I had now nestled myself. Then she went back to the sitting room.
I was not to be deterred. If Ali does not go to the mountain, the mountain will go to Ali. I went and meet her where she sat.
I started by playing with her hair. She didn’t stop me so I got encouraged and became bolder. Then the first hug which was cut short by her pushing me away.
‘What’s wrong with you? whats with all this you are doing?’ She said looking straight at me.
Then I moved closer to her while touching her thighs and acting like I didn’t hear a word of her earlier protest.
‘Hope you had a nice day today?’ I asked. Poor question but I just had to distract her from noticing the ‘actions’ being performed by my fingers.
‘Yeah’ Funke replied, looking suspicious.
‘You know I love you so much?’ I asked becoming a little desperate while smiling and sweating at the same time, my WMD already beginning to charge.
Funke noticed this and moved further back on the settees. ‘Ya I know. But don’t you think this is too early? You need to stop this or I will go.’ (Go where?)
‘How? Why would you want me to stop? I want you. I love you’ (At this stage, I could have said I loved Osama!), my sense of reasoning controlled by my rising libido.
“But we just met 4 days ago and you are beginning to asking for sex, is that what you want from me?’ (You should expect this from me dear; after all I am not impotent!).
Realizing I am beginning to lose the game slowly, I knew I had to raise my game.
“Not what you think sweetheart” (This time I adopt the love poet approach and the sweet lies follow).
“You are the only girl in my life and I will never hurt you. Well, if you don’t want it then its ok by me’ (Na lie! What is ok? You must do o. This line almost always works!)
Looking at me pitifully, she said softly; ‘Please don’t feel sad, it’s not that I don’t love you, is just that am scared’. At this point, I decided there was no need for words anymore.
Somehow, I can’t explain how I found my fingers in between her thighs. I prodded further and felt wetness between her legs. (Game on! Second line of defense broken).
I knew I had succeeded, with one finger still ‘prodding’ her thighs, I started kissing her. Before long and seeing her responsiveness to my moves, I lifted her up whilst still kissing her, took her to my ‘Maracana stadium’ (my room, where else?), gently placed her on the bed, unzipped my fly and unleashed the ‘Krakon’.