Expensive Joke

Expensive Joke

At about 8.30 PM yesterday mum was still trying to swallow her spoon of rice when the main door shook with a very loud knock. Her spoon fell from her hand in panic. The last time a knock like this was heard it was made by the gentlemen of the street who were in to demand with pistols and daggers their own share of the money they had heard from rumours,
that my older brother in London sent us. That was two years ago, but until last night I did not realise that mummy still lived in those moments. We had told the story of what happened that night to my dad. He was not at home at the time having gone out to drink with his friends. But so was he not also around yesterday.

So when the knock blew in and her memories flashed back two years before, and the spoon in her hand fell down, and her eyes popped out wide open with fear and trembling racing through her veins, the first words I heard from her were: ‘But we don’t have money to give this time.’ True, big brother was yet to send money home. But she had even worse reasons to worry- she had heard from personal experiences of people that when robbers came to you for money and
you had none to give, they either beat you till you’re half dead, or they raped your daughters before your eyes as compensation. She had told me these stories times on end each time she heard of new experiences.

The knocks again fell on the door, this time even more loudly. “OPEN THE DOOR!” A pause. “DO YOU WANT US TO BREAK IT FOR YOU?” Mum was helpless, but you know, when there is a hawk roving the sky the mother hen always covers her chicks. “Run, Ada, run quickly. Hide under your father’s bed. No, hide inside his wardrobe. No, hide behind the cupboard.
No, hide inside…” I was confused and even more so was she, but she was not as concerned about herself as she was for me. What could she do? She was only a woman, she thought aloud with tears in her eyes. “I am coming, pleeeaaasssseeeee,” she responded, almost tearfully. Oh, Emeka. Emeka why are you never around when these things happen? Ohhhhhh!

“IF I COUNT TO THREE AND THIS DOOR IS STILL NOT OPENED…” I was freezing with fear inside the toilet room in which I hid, peeping through the keyhole and begging God not to allow them remember to look into the toilet. “Please I am right at the door with the keys,” mum pleaded.

Hands shaking, bones fidgeting, legs cold with fear, heart beating as loudly as a war drum, eyes unable to recognise which key in the bunch opens the door, mum spent forever trying to open the very door she normally spent about five seconds to open every time. There was sweat all over her body. Then, click: the door opened.

She was expecting to have a loud slap on her face for her delays when heard a mild voice instead: “Hey darling, how are you doing?” It said, “It’s me, Emeka, your husband. C’mon, it was only a joke.”



20 thoughts on “Expensive Joke” by Famous Isaacs (@doremi)

  1. Haba this one pass joke. @doremi nice one.

  2. Hmmm…How com she couldn’t recognize husbands voice no mata the form in which it came…..funny though….cool.

  3. That guy na bad guy o…

  4. that’s too expensive

  5. I am going to slap him and tell him it was a joke as well. Which kind yeye jokke be dt?

  6. Lol….this is really good. Buh I was all the while suspecting it was her husband. Gud one, Isaac

  7. Daireen (@daireenonline)

    The mind plays games once we fuel it with material. Nice narrative.

    However, the last sentence of paragraph one… and then some other typos…

    Reread, rewrite, create a masterpiece.

  8. Bland narration: no artfulness at all. Write more and get better!

  9. Mchewwww i would have slapped him so hard…inshort with all my strenghth

  10. Ditto @daireen’s comment.
    I would kick him in the groin before letting him in. Nonsense.
    Well done, Isaacs. $ß.

  11. Lol…@bubbllinna. So u don turn to kungfu lady.

  12. Nice build up…but the ending was not striking and hilarious enough. I was expecting something that would make me hang in laughter but didn’t get it.

    Secondly, the title is a dead giveaway. By reading the title and delving into the story, I already knew how it would end and thus it robbed me of the fun of the twist.

    But your narration was fluid and I like the flashbacks that helped build the tenseness of the story.

    Nice job!

  13. The title killed it. Anyway I managed a smile. @Sibbylwhyte, who is d fighter now? Hypocrite ass.

  14. Some joke. Not bad @doremi.

  15. Just one hot slap and we’re even

  16. Wow. I’ve out of network coverage and haven’t been able to respond to your comments, but today I’m here, and I must say I’m happy with all your criticisms and commendations. This is actually my first prose. I’ve been writing poetry, and after I successfully got my first book uploaded to the NS eBook store, I said to take some time to try my muse at prose. I did not expect it’ll come out this successfully. I’m really happy. I hope my next prose will be better. Thanks to you all. Your suggestions on how I could improve have been noted. I’ll really work harder next time. Meanwhile, pls download my book. It’s FREE. Follow this link: htp://famousisaacs.blogspot.com/p/books_10.html I’ll appreciate your critical reviews too. Pls mail your reviews to my at famousisaacs@gmail.com Thank you all.

  17. I go give am Brogue Kick.
    One Word: Nice.

  18. @Doremi, nice one ,very expensive joke, it wouldn’t have been a joke if he had to take her to the emergency room in the hospital and pay for his expensive joke in Naira.

  19. @Doremi , I totally agree with Afronuts and Hymar on the title, it was a sure giveaway.

  20. an expensive joke is it

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