You never told anyone you were a bastard. It was easier that way. It gave critics less amunition and allowed friends envy you completely. When you refused to touch Nailia before the wedding she worried that you weren’t virile. You laughed long, loud and hard.
“That should be the least of your worries girl”
She sipped at her Amarula on the rocks, looking fabulous in a mint green dress. You looked away. Rules were rules.
“Then prove it Tenge, prove you are a man. You aren’t even religious and besides I am on the pill.”
That bothered you. Why would she be on the pill when you had never given her more than a peck on the forehead?
“What sort of pills? Are you crazy? How can you be on contraceptives when we aren’t even married?”
She shrugged dropping her half empty glass. “I thought since we had fixed dates you would be more forthcoming. I didnt want to be throwing up during my honeymoon. Simple prevention.”
Somehow you didn’t believe her. When Brian came a two months early you asked for paternity tests. A tip to the nanny and the samples were taken by a nurse from the affiliate clinic and sent to South Africa. You couldn’t bear the torment so you told her.
Nalia erupted like a whistling kettle. “How dare you do that to our son? My son?” A manicure set missed your face by inches and crashed into the wall. Its contents scattering in a thousand directions just like the pieces of your life. “I am leaving! Leaving! I can’t live here with you and your sneaky ways . Goodbye T”
You watched her pack her things, sobbing and cursing all the while. When the taxi came you wanted to help with some of the luggage but you thought better of it.
That was two months ago, yesterday the test results came in. You knew even before you ripped the envelope open. The boy wasn’t yours. This morning when all the Happy Fathers Day messages started coming you switched off your phone with a groan. Then it hit you. Why let the innocent boy suffer like you had? It wasn’t his fault that he probably wouldn’t know his real dad.
Nalia picked after the third try. You told her to come home that things would be alright. She listened without a sound. Then she said
“Maybe . T, I don’t know.”
You dropped the phone feeing much better. Sometimes Life serves tomatoes and you have to make tomatoe sauce.