I think memories are one of the coolest things God has blessed us with, because it’s super-cool that after a long time or not so long…whatever/whichever…we can vividly recall something that happened and it would make us smile or laugh or cry or frown or scream or whatever your memories does to you.
Now, the only problem is that sometimes these memories are not always complete or clear…I know I said vividly earlier, just erase that from your memory…and in some cases, one can remember some parts of what happened or why something happened or who did what or said what…that kinda thing.
Having said that, the memories I want to share is somewhat incomplete because I mostly remember ‘where’ and ‘when’ but not really ‘who said what’ and ‘what who said’…It ain’t my fault, let MaU be our Akon…As in you can put the blame on her. If it’s any relief, it starred my jonsing friends.
Memory # 1
The time was around 7pm to 8pm to 9pm. I can’t remember but I knew it was dark and not all the security lights were on. We where at MaU’s hospital area. We generally called that area OPD, although I think it was GOPD. Sometimes i remember what it stood for, some other times i tend to forget. We were waiting for somebody or something, so meanwhile we just sat down in front of one of the offices or was it a ward sef?…I remember it was five of us… and we were just gisting when we saw someone walking…and talking on the phone.
Person 1: Wait! Wait! Who be dat?
Person 2: Wetin? I no see anything o
Person 1: See nah (he said pointing)…nah boy abi nah girl be dat?
Me: Dat pesin? (Pointing too)
Person 3: Nah girl nah
Person 4: Kai! E no dey waka like girl
Person 1: …but you hear the voice?
Person 5: Look nah, you no get eye? …The body resemble girl body for your eye?
Me: Wait o! E be like say na Boy o
Person 3: Nah girl na…You no hear the voice? … Nah girl be dat (at some point she had stopped walking and was now talking on the phone)
Person 2: Nah girl be that. See the Nyash. You bin no see as she bin dey waka? Na girl jare!
Me: How you take dey see nyash for night? …but finally sha, the voice nah girl voice
Person 1: Wait! Wait! Keep quiet. E don dey talk again (we were hearing it faintly because of the distance and so we had to keep quiet to listen closely)…Nah girl jare
Person 4: You sure? …See, E dey waka dey come back.
Person 2: Na wa o! E be like say nah boy o
The person in question: (stopping then turning towards us) “Hello! I am a girl o” (and she walked away)
**we weren’t drunk or high. In our defense, we just forgot she could hear us
It was one of those evenings when we didn’t have anything to do, so we went for a walk…I and some other jonsing fella…Going for a walk in MaU would mean going round in a circle which wasn’t all that big especially when one wanted to go for a walk, but sort of became big when we had classes to attend up-school…We had gone half way when we stopped and decided to seat down and pass time. We had hardly sat down when 50 cents came around. 50 cents was some happy, always smiling guy…and by “happy” I mean gaga, loony, nuts, crazy, insane…name it. We had lots of “Happy” people from MaU psycho ward that roamed about freely in MaU then and mixed with us. I remember whenever one of my lecturers was doing his class devotion and wanted to sing “If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands…” we kind of mouthed other words or fumbled when we got to the “happy” part…Back to the memory>>>
Me: Fifty cents!
50 cents: Sir! ….haha hahaha!
50 cents: Sir! … Haha hahaha!
Person: How far? Where you dey go?
50 cents: I dey go…dey say make I dey go, I just dey go…blah-blah-blah
NOTE: He didn’t actually say blah-blah-blah. He said some stuff that didn’t make any sense and even the ones that made sense; I kinda shut my mind on them as it would have been mentally uncool to remember such things. This went on for a while with him squatting in front of us and smiling as he talked.
Person: How your wife?
50 cents: I no get wife…haha hahaha!
Me: You no get wife?
50 cents: Yes…haha hahaha!
Person: How come? What of all those other happy girls? What of that one wey like to dey do nyanga?
50 cent: haha hahaha! I no get wife o!
Me: So you mean say you no dey meet any of them.
50cent: haha hahaha! No if I meet them, dem go beat me. Na before wey I get wife.
Me: You get wife before?
50 cent: Haha hahaha! Yes, haha hahaha!
Person: Where she dey?
50 cent: Haha hahaha! Nah the time wey I never come here nah im she be my wife.
Person: So you mean say you no dey climb woman?
50 cent: Haha hahaha! No o! Dem go beat me.
Me: How you take dey do? How you dey hold body?
50 cent: Haha hahaha! Nah the time wey my body dey do me one kind, I go buy pure water, then I go pray say as I dey drink the water make my body relax. Nah so I dey do… haha hahaha!
Me: Hmm Fifty Cent.
50 cent: Haha hahaha! Sah!
Person: So you go just drink water like that?
50 cent: Haha hahaha! Yes sah
The talk after that was worthless, can’t remember how it ended. We weren’t stupid or looking to have a conversation with a happy man we were just bored and for that we got a happy man’s perspective on how to deal with…uhm!…lemme call it spiritual konji
It was late that night, sometime between 10pm and 2am, it couldn’t have been earlier or later than that because at 9pm we are mostly looking for food and at 3am we are asleep. We had gone to class to read so I have to assume we were having exams or exams were very much around the corner or why else would we have packed ourselves off to class to read. We were walking in groups to the hostel which was a distance. A group was ahead of us as and then there were one or two behind us. To our sides we had tall bushes and total darkness everywhere.
Now I remember whatever semester it was that we were in, it was in December because we were talking about the Chancellors cows that would be killed for Christmas suya.
Person1: I hope say nah better cow dem go kill
Person2: Which of those cows be better cow? All of them dey happy (happy means insane/mad)
Person2: E get one wey sabi run up and down, e go just dey run anyhow
Me: Black one shey?
Person3: Ehen! Dat black one shey. E get big horn sef
Person2: That cow dey happy joor.
Person1: One of them even die for road … that was last week
Person3: Dey don carry am. Wetin you think say dem dey sell for primo( primo was at then, a “classic” restaurant )
Me: No wonder dia meat dey big anyhow nowadays *we generally lol’ly*
Person2: Na mad cow diseases we dey chop
Me: E don tei wey I see that black cow sef
Person3: Ehn! Maybe na im die, maybe na im you even chop dis morning come dey use toothpick dey form big boy
Me: …but that cow sef dey craze o! Na so I…
I can’t remember if I finished what I was saying when some guy behind us shouted…YAY! and we all ran we ran as fast as we could, jumping and shouting and praying and calling God’s name…I was shouting ”wait for me” as I ran…Someone shouted something about mad cows…Someone else said “Na the cow dem o!”…Someone fell…People in front ran when we overtook them…People behind us nearly overtook us…Nobody looked back and five minutes later we were in front of the hostel where there was light; catching our breathes.
Me: Na dat black cow shey? I asked breathing heavily
Person1: Ehn! E be like so. Shey nah the black cow?
Person2: I no see am o. E be like say nah the cow wey get big horn
Me: No be the black cow? I even think say nah all of them
Person3: I no see am o, but e be like say nah the black cow
Everybody was asking the same question and then we was saw a guy running towards us, trying to zip up his fly as he ran, with his ‘you know what’ sort of sticking out.
Me: Nah wetin? Nah the cow shey?
‘You know what’ guy: I no see am o! E be like say nah those cows
Person3: No be the cows dem?
‘You Know what’ guy: I no see any thing o. Nah as una run, me sef I run. Una no even wait person sef.
Me: Wait o…No be you shout? Why you come shout?
‘You Know what’ guy: I been say make una wait nah.
Person2: No…no…wetin been make you shout the first time?
‘You Know what’ guy: Oh! Na piss I been dey piss nah. I been dey hold am, nah as I release am, na im I shout.
In our defense, I would say nemesis was catching up with us because we had dodged Tuesday’s jogging by sitting with the ‘sick’ guys and so we had to do some exercise but in truth I think some people caught the mad cow disease.