The Will Of An Orange

THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF
MR.TREE GREEN

I, Tree Green, an adult residing at 5 Writers’ Lane, New Naija, New Naija, being of sound mind, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and codicils previously made by me.
ARTICLE I
I appoint Naija Stories as my Personal Representative to administer this Will, and ask that he be permitted to serve without Court supervision and without posting bond. If Naija Stories is unwilling or unable to serve, then I appoint @ Admin to serve as my Personal Representative, and ask that he be permitted to serve without Court supervision and without posting bond.

ARTICLE II
I direct my Personal Representative to pay out of my residuary estate all of the expenses of my last illness, administration expenses, all legally enforceable creditor claims, all Federal estate taxes, state inheritance taxes, and all other governmental charges imposed by reason of my death without seeking reimbursement from or charging any person for any part of the taxes and charges paid, and if necessary, reasonable funeral expenses, including the cost of any suitable marker for my grave, without the necessity of an order of court approving said expenses.

ARTICLE III
I devise, bequeath, and give my entire estate of an orange to my son, Tree Green Jnr.

I hereby, this day, invest on you the power to own, control, administer, run, manage , oversee, dispense with and operate, my estate comprising an orange fruit, with the seeds, peels and edible portions therein and inherent in the fruit, under the following clauses:

Whereas you are vested with the full powers to lick ,eat, consume, in a manner and way considered appropriate by you but within the provisions of the law, the flesh, core and edible portions and to enjoy the fruit’s inherent goodness,

And whereas you are granted full authority to employ your discretion in disposing of the seeds, peels, stones, pits and pips, in a manner conformable to and within the ambit of the law,

And whereas you are given leave to partition, divide, share and apportion all and any parts of the orange including its flesh, core, edible portions, its inherent goodness as well as the seeds, peels, stones, pits and pips in proportions and amounts considered appropriate and fair in your estimation and to seek legal redress in the advent of a breach of the terms and conditions in the contract binding the recipients of such a gesture from you, in a competent court of law

And whereas you are bestowed with powers to dispose of the remains and debris that will be generated by your consumption, digestion and subsequent absorption of the inherent goodness of the fruit, seeds, peels ,stones, pits and pips in a way and manner that will conform to the provisions of the constitution of the land.

ARTICLE  IV

Should my beneficiary not survive me by 30 days, his share shall be distributed to his then surviving children in equal shares.

Tree Green.

 

SELF-PROVING AFFIDAVIT

The instrument, consisting of this and two (2) typewritten pages was signed and acknowledged by Testator as his Last Will and Testament in our presence, and we, at his request, and in his presence, and in the presence of each other, have subscribed our names as witnesses.
Under penalties for perjury, we, the undersigned Testator and witnesses declare:
1. That the Testator executed this instrument as his Will;
2. That in the presence of witnesses, the Testator signed or acknowledged his signature already made, or directed another to sign for him in his presence;
3. That the Testator executed the Will as his free and voluntary act for the purposes expressed in it;
4. That each of the witnesses, in the presence of the Testator and of each other, signed the Will as witness;
5. That the Testator was of sound mind; and
6. That, to the best of his knowledge, the Testator was at the time eighteen (18) or more years of age.
All of which is attested to this day in May 2013.

Tree Green, Testator.

Naija Stories, Witness.



4 thoughts on “The Will Of An Orange” by Writeman (@writeman)

  1. @writeman, this story could have been funny or satirical, but the metaphor of an orange as a legacy from tree to tree doesn’t work for me. It’s like saying that a woman bequeaths her egg to her son (who hasn’t yet been born from the fertilization of said egg).

    Also, most of the document was the just standard legalese that is found in wills; I wish you had made it more relevant to the lives of trees.

  2. You are either a law student or you’ve read or written lots of wills.
    The piece isn’t funny to me. What’s funny is that this neat writing was ‘wasted’ on an orange tree. Lol.
    You wrote well. Well done. $ß.

  3. See concept but it will have been better if it were satirical, more satirical

  4. not bad but can be improved upon

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