Awake

Awake

They didn’t knock, there was no warning,

They broke the door and came in running.

Weapons pointing in all directions,

One could figure out their intentions.

That weekend I was left home alone,

And earlier I had switched off my phone.

I tried to hide but there was no place,

Plus, they were coming at a fast pace

So I stood still as they approached me,

But they charged past like they didn’t see.

“There’s no one else at home”, I whimpered

Yet they didn’t heed the words I uttered.

I crept behind them, deeply disturbed

As they barged into my room and stopped.

They were all staring straight at my bed,

At a mound where I had put my head.

I glimpsed a face, the eyes opened wide,

A bloodied hand hanging down the side,

Around the wrist, it’s hands still turning,

The wristwatch I’d put on that morning.



42 thoughts on “Awake” by Zazu (@literati)

  1. Fast paced. Appears to me that the narrator is dead and is having a replay of the last moments of his life. C’rrcect uh?

    1. The depth of the story is left to the reader’s imagination. How deep do you wanna go?? *winks*
      Good to meet you @Hyma and thanks a lot for reading (and imagining).

      1. @hymar I think someone else killed him and his ghost was still hanging around.

        @literati Shockingly Beautiful, a rhyme lover like myself. The beginning is something everyone can relate to, the end, is unexpected but a reality in the times we live in. A poem of genius, well done

  2. Wow. That was fast…
    Hello NS!

  3. This is real nice…

    1. @Topazo Helloo
      Yh, thanks!

  4. Zazu! U still have time to get in here every once in a while. That’s good.
    Poor dude. And the likes of U couldn’t help him. Sad.
    As usual, you’ve got the rhymes.
    Well done. $ß.

    1. @sibbylwhyte Thanks! As they say, you can always find time for stuff that matters to you. ;-)
      But eh, ‘as usual’, rily, after like a year? *sobs*
      Thanks again.

      1. Zazu. Don’t be such a crybobo na. You know sometimes we lose our abilities to thread our thoughts properly when faced with masters of the arts and for who’s been absent for long. Well, I ran short of words. Hehehe.

        1. Wash…as usual ;-p

  5. Sunshine (@nicolebassey)

    Zzzzazu! great to have you in the house and wow! what a entrance. I loved your into. Bravo!

    1. Sssssunshine! @nicolebassey glad to be back! aaand, thanks!

  6. Fine pace and nice rhymes

      1. You’re welcome bro, Admin just posted my story “The Perfect Scam”, check it

  7. Nice rhyming. Sounded like music as I read it until I got to the end where you lost me. Nice poem though, well done.

    1. Thanks @newreign but how and where did you get lost? Was it d rhythm or the story? Maybe we can find you, yes?

      1. I believe I intended to post ‘…almost lost me.’ I was found by your poem eventually. Thanks

  8. Why are y’all lost? It’s as clear as the NS banner up there!

    Dude killed himself before the robbers came in – he had forgotten that in the rush of the attack.

    Damn sad.

    Intense, Zazu. Intense.

    1. @Seun-Odukoya Thanks bros/boss!
      I was beginning to wonder if I had misunderstood what I wrote. Thanks again for reading…and understanding…and convincing me that I’m still sane. All in one stroke!

  9. What comment does one have to offer you zazu? pleasing

    1. ^^That one. Thanks!

    1. @Zazu, you called me, here I am. It’s really been a long while I’ve been here.

      You sure had a great write-up there, I guess the guy’s dead but yet to realize that fact.

      Will surely make a come back shortly. Missed NS.

      1. @bbtagoro please come back sharperly o!

    2. no be small roll call you do.
      Obviously the guy is dead. Nice prose poetry.

  10. Why did he kill himself? He life was attractive enough to be robbed afterall…
    Nice lines @Zazu, an interesting poetic narration.

    1. @Excellency, thanks for d comment. I guess he killed himself because…so I could write about it, or something.

  11. Creepy poetic tale.

    A ghost that’s not fully aware that it had passed on.

    Fast paced, brief with suspense that hooks you in the end.

    Interesting.

    Sounds like a spoken word piece that should have a video performance.

    Trust me, that would be seriously impactful.

    Nice one though it leaves questions hanging….why was he dead? Suicide? Murder? Sounded more like suicide though.

    1. Thanks @Afronuts. You’re on point.
      As for the performance, eh…I’ll just leave it hanging here, with the questions. ;)

  12. As usual, you’ve delivered a very readable poem with a very good use of rhymes, @literati.

    I got that the MC was already dead, but it’s not obvious how he died. I find it hard to believe that a person wouldn’t remember killing himself, or at least remember that he felt depressed enough to kill himself.

    Well done.

    1. Lolz @TolaO @”I find it hard to believe that
      a person wouldn’t remember
      killing himself”. He should’ve remembered, right?
      I haven’t killed myself before, so I wouldn’t know. Hehe

  13. Can’t wait to see the full story

  14. Love how you put everything together, excellent choice of words. There should be a part two you know…

  15. Oga Zazu. You killed it as usual, but why you con go kill the poor dude na?
    Superb poetry, flowing rhymes, even with a plot. It’s been a while I read poetry with an actual story-line. Weldone. The ogas at the top have said it all.

  16. glow (@anyieinstein)

    A poem wit a really captivating story… One that is told by a ghost. Creepy!!!! Entertaining read though. And the rhymes… The simple word is AAWESOOOMMMEEEEE!!!!

  17. mendel martha (@ihenyengladysusile)

    nice rhymes but was he that petrified that he had to kill himself even before the robbers broke in ,wow fear can make us do stupid things,even his ghost was more braver than he was,and beware fear is not real , it’s a product of our thoughts but don’t get me wrong danger is real maybe he saw the danger of him been alive the moment the robbers tried to break in or the end result,so he decided to help himself by taking his own life

  18. Poor dude, never been more awake than when dead!
    Another great suspense Zazu, see the embers still glow.
    Don’t know what to call this, a matter of very little faith or scared shitless…makes you wonder if he would have met the fate he decided for himself.
    Hey, you’ve been gone some time now, :) great to see you here again and sorry I came by a little late myself.

  19. That was a good one but quite expeditious… keep on…

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