lookout-miss-right

Lookout for Miss Right- Episode 34

I couldn’t believe my ears. Flores couldn’t be dead. Not young, bubbling Flores, the woman I had befriended for eight years. It was a hard fact to swallow.
The doctor was still rambling on about the procedure for releasing the body, I blocked his words out. Without meaning to, I found myself walking away. I had no idea where I was going but I knew I needed to get out of there.
“Jake!” It was Femi.
I didn’t answer, I couldn’t. I felt like I was struggling for air. I kept going…
“Sir!” Another voice called. “Sir!”
I stopped and turned, a nurse hurried to catch up with me.
“That…is the way to the mortuary.” She panted.
“Excuse me?” I blinked at her.
“You’re going the wrong way. Only authorised persons are allowed in there.” She explained.
“Oh…I’m sorry. I was actually looking for the gents.” I said distractedly.
“No, you’re not. Come with me” Femi was right behind me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and nudged me towards the exit.
I didn’t argue with him, I let him lead me like a robot to the car.
We leaned quietly on the car for the next ten minutes.
“I’m sorry, Jake.” Femi spoke breaking the silence.
“It’s not your fault.” I said in the bravest voice I could muster.
“I know how you felt about her. She didn’t deserve to die like that.”
I didn’t reply. What could I say? I wasn’t even ready to accept the fact that my only chance of happiness was gone. It still seemed like a dream to me.
“We have to notify her family. The doctor says we need to pick up the body soon. I was thinking…” Femi was saying.
“She should have called, you know. Just once. She would have been taking to the best hospital to have her baby. She didn’t need to die like this.” I lamented. “What did she have?”
“Have?”
“The baby. Is it a boy or a girl?”
“A girl.”
I nodded. A girl.
“Oscar and Abbey are on their way.” Femi said.
“I want to see her.” I said.
“She’s gone, Jake. Don’t torture yourself about it.”
“I want to see her.” I repeated.
Everything around me felt cold. The coldness started from within. My heart had just taken a huge blow and I didn’t know how to take it. I felt like I was talking through lead lips, my mouth could barely move. I didn’t know grief could make a person speechless.
At that moment Oscar and Abbey pulled up beside us in their car.
“Good. Oscar’s here. He can talk to the doctor to know exactly what caused her death.” Femi said.
“Does it make any difference? She’s gone.” I said bitterly.
“The least we could do is find out.”
“Oh my God. We heard. Is it true?” Abbey asked as she and Oscar got out of the car.
Femi nodded. “I’m afraid it is, Abbey. She’s gone.”
“No, no.” She whispered and crumpled into her husband’s arms.
“That’s terrible.” Oscar said in a grief-stricken voice. “How could that happen? She was so young. Did the doctors tell you anything?”
“Complications…that’s what they said. She lost a lot of blood.” Femi said.
Oscar glanced at me, and then turned to Femi. “How’s he taking it?”
“I’m right here.” I said. “And I’m perfectly fine.”
That was the biggest lie of the century. I wasn’t fine; in fact…I was far from fine.
“Have you called her parents?” Oscar asked.
“Not yet.” Femi replied.
“Why did she list you as her next-of-kin?”
“I have no idea.”
“I want to talk to the doctor in charge. Let’s go in.” Oscar said.
“And I want to see her.” I added.
We went back into the building to find the doctor and get me an audience with Flores’ corpse.
We found the doctor in a small room labelled ‘office’. He recognised Femi and I and offered us a seat.
“My friend here is a doctor too; we’d like to know exactly what caused her death.” Femi said.
“ Umm…Florence, right? She was anaemic…having a baby was not in the best of her interests. It was a risk she took and she needed lots of care during the period of her pregnancy. Besides, she wasn’t that young.” He said.
My friends and I glanced at each other. Flores? Anaemic? That wasn’t possible. Flores hardly fell sick and she had no such condition or we’d have known about it.
“I’m sorry doc, but Florence had no such condition. She was healthy as far as we know.” Oscar said.
“And she was far from old. She was still in her twenties.” I added.
The doctor stared at us. “I think you’re making a mistake here.”
“How about we clear our doubts by seeing the body?” I asked.
The doctor now had a slightly embarrassed look on his face.
“I’ll call a nurse to take you to identify the body, while I look around for her file.” He said.
He summoned a nurse to take us to the mortuary. Our hearts were beating rapidly as we made our way there. It was obvious we were all thinking the same thing but didn’t have the courage to say it out, for fear of disappointment.
We arrived at the place where the bodies were kept and covered.
“This is Florence’ body.” She pointed at a covered corpse.
I hesitated.
“Go ahead, Jake.” Oscar urged.
I pulled back the cover, and stared at the body. I heard a sharp intake of breath behind me as we looked at the body before us.


41 thoughts on “Lookout for Miss Right- Episode 34” by Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo)

  1. Profile photo of Olan
    Olan (@Olan): Scribe - 15593 pts

    Eh! Mimi has done it again. Keeping the suspense to the end eh! Spotted a teeny typo

    “She would have been “taking” to the best hospital to have her baby”

    Taking should be Taken.

    Nice one as always, you really know how to keep us at the edge of our seats.

  2. Profile photo of Zikora
    Zikora (@Zikora): Scribe - 10766 pts

    Yes! yes! yes! I knew it. Flores can’t die!

    I was going to complain that the scene about the friends finding out about the death especially Jakes was cold, and very lack lustre to say the least.

    @Mimiadebayo…..I do think you could improve on how you deliver emotional and bereavement aspects in this piece.

    #respect still.

  3. Profile photo of Da'Queen
    Da'Queen (@Estee): Wordsmith - 30090 pts

    Chai @mimiadebayo will not kill me with suspense o…
    When is the next episode due biko?

  4. Profile photo of schatzilein
    schatzilein (@schatzilein): Scribe - 12400 pts

    Wrong body

  5. Profile photo of Sunshine
    Sunshine (@nicolebassey): Head Wordsmith - 52745 pts

    Ressurection Replayed … kudos.

  6. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @Olan.Oops.Silly me! Was in a hurry so I didn’t see that typo.Thanks dear. Hehehehe…I want you to enjoy it to the very end. Thanks for reading!

  7. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @Zikora. Lol. Happy now?
    Umm…about the doctor’s delivery of the news of Flores death…I kinda wanted to show the way some bad doctors deliver such news of doom to the relatives of their patients. Will take your advice to heart sweetie.
    Thanks as always for reading!

    1. Profile photo of Zikora
      Zikora (@Zikora): Scribe - 10766 pts

      @Mimiadebayo…..that’s true, some doctors are terrible when it comes to breaking bab news.

      But I was actually referring to the reaction of Jake and his friends on the news of Flores death. And I dnt mean they should have wailed, screamed and all, no. I felt you could have given their emotions and reactions through dialogue and description more oomph.

      1. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
        Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

        You’re actually right about that.Gotta work more on that.Didn’t want him to look like a sissy. Thanks dear.

    2. Profile photo of Zikora
      Zikora (@Zikora): Scribe - 10766 pts

      And Yes, I am more than happy @Mimiadebayo! I guess you will explain how the dead woman gave Femi’s name as next of kin.

  8. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @Estee. Lol. If I don’t keep you in suspense ,who will? Hehehe. Next/final episode due soonest. Thanks for reading!

  9. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @schatzilein.Wow.Was still able to keep you interested this long? Lol. Thanks dear for reading and commenting.Well appreciated.

  10. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @nicolebassey.Yay! Resurrection indeed! Thanks for reading.

    I meant @Olan

  11. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @schatzilen
    and @nicolebassey

  12. Profile photo of Daireen
    Daireen (@daireenonline): Scribe - 16627 pts

    I like the ending, it didn’t reveal anything. However, minimize your use of adverbs i.e “Oh…I’m sorry. I was actually looking for the gents.” I said distractedly. (i said, distracted) woulda carried much punch if you like the word.

    She would have been taking to the best hospital to have her baby. You shoulda written taken.

    Aside from those, this was a really cool real. Emotive. Kudos.

  13. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @daireenonline Thanks for the corrections.Will heed to them. And many more thanks for reading and commenting,Mr.Randy.

    1. Profile photo of Daireen
      Daireen (@daireenonline): Scribe - 16627 pts

      @mimiadebayo all of una wey wan gimme bad name like this… I will not swear… :d

      1. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
        Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

        Lol@daireen. Isn’t that what you are?? Tell me…*winks* Hope you’re enjoying Akure by the way?

  14. Profile photo of itsabum
    itsabum (@itsabum): Junior Writer - 2054 pts

    @mimiadebayo, too much suspense. What happened next?
    At least we now know Flores is not dead.
    Where is she???

  15. Profile photo of Joy
    Joy (@jade69): Junior Writer - 2430 pts

    Hmmmm,Mimi u’re just a gud @ wat u do.All dat suspence n giving noting away,now its just worse d not knowing if She’s alive or dead.Pls next episode n do keep up d gud work.

  16. Profile photo of kingobozy
    kingobozy (@kingobozy): Junior Writer - 4369 pts

    Nice one … I really hope that is not flores’ body… Episode 35 loading……

  17. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @itsabum.Thanks for reading and commenting!

  18. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @jade69 Thanks so much for reading! I’m flattered…
    @kingobozy Episode 35 on its way.Thanks for reading!

  19. Profile photo of Olaedo
    Olaedo (@Olaedo): Senior Scribe - 27237 pts

    And he found his Miss Right ;)

  20. Profile photo of LITM
    LITM (@Ife): Junior Writer - 1643 pts

    I knew it! :)

  21. Profile photo of ablyguy
    ablyguy (@francis): Senior Scribe - 21842 pts

    I feel like conking your avatar right now for playing with my health, lol! Femi is about to test his own sorrow. He’s too comfortable for my liking…

  22. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @Olaedo you’ve been waiting to say that,I know.:) Thanks for reading and commenting!

  23. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @Ife glad I could put a smile on your face.Hehehe…Thanks for reading!
    @francis aah aah na! Leave my avatar alone joor. Sorry ooh 4 toying with your health.Lol. Thanks for reading sir.

  24. Profile photo of Izuone
    Izuone (@Izuone): Junior Writer - 1599 pts

    See suspense, na mistaken identity?

  25. Profile photo of Izuone
    Izuone (@Izuone): Junior Writer - 1599 pts

    See suspense, na mistaken identity?

  26. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @Izuone what d’ya think? Lol. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  27. Profile photo of Mee
    Mee (@dkny111): Scribe - 19297 pts

    @Mimiadebayo I knew you didn’t have the liver, so you just killed a poor old woman somewhere, nah wah for you ooooooo :)

    Still loving the suspense

  28. Profile photo of Orihime
    Orihime (@Orihime): Newbie - 319 pts

    This is too good. Can’t wait for episode 35.

  29. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @dkny111 Hehehe.Which old woman nah? Lol. Thanks for reading!
    @Orihime Thanks for reading! Episode 35 coming soon.

  30. Profile photo of Lyzbet
    Lyzbet (@Lyzbet): Newbie - 344 pts

    This suspence na wa ooo. Dont give me heartache naw. Please when is episode 35 coming up?

  31. Profile photo of topazo
    topazo (@topazo): Head Wordsmith - 60348 pts

    Fast paced, I like that, and the suspense was nice.. Edge of the seat kind. Good work ma’am. Well, I think the responses to the death wasn’t portrayed in a realistic way, it lacked depth, maybe cos ur in a hurry to be done with the series. A few typos too…
    Well done

  32. Profile photo of HRS
    HRS (@HRS): Newbie - 289 pts

    I sharply became a member because of this story, Next please!!!!!!!!!!

  33. Profile photo of Mimiadebayo
    Mimiadebayo (@Mimiadebayo): Head Wordsmith - 217468 pts

    @HRS Thanks for reading. Keep going…

  34. Profile photo of aniefiokitong
    aniefiokitong (@aniefiokitong): Junior Writer - 2960 pts

    It looks so real,I can imagine the whole scenario,welldone.

  35. Profile photo of aadetoyin
    aadetoyin (@aadetoyin): Junior Writer - 2709 pts

    @mimiadebayo, don’t gimme HBP Ooº°˚ ˚°ºoo

  36. Profile photo of innoalifa
    innoalifa (@innoalifa): Head Wordsmith - 131557 pts

    interesting piece here

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