Poetry is a type of literature in which words are selected for their beauty, sound and power to express feelings.

I have been exploring writing poetry with onomatopoeia.

This is a draft of what I came up with.

Would love to know what you think, Excellent, Good, Okay or Bad?


Bang bang your heart says

Hissing through the quite splendor of midnight

Cracking walls to my soul

Buzzing away my fears to love again

Our hearts drum louder

My naked flesh feels the thundering

The roaring of the clouds drop raindrops

The first taste of the forbidden fruit

Began tonight at midnight

8 thoughts on “Onomatopoeia” by Shally-Ashimi (@Shally-Ashimi)

  1. You tried shally. You really did

  2. nice write

  3. @Shally-Ashimi, I keep looking at the second line, it doesn’t just sound right to me, dunno why, plus I think u meant “quiet” there instead of “quite”. All the same it’s a good draft, well done!

  4. This is good. My suggestions for polish are that you make the ending more potent. The ending didn’t make me leave with a feeling that I had come away with something from the poem you know a moral, some deeper beauty, or some new knowledge. It’s always good to keep that in mind when writing a poem.

    Well done.

    1. @chemokopi, I disagree. Moral? No jare.

      1. @kaycee you don’t? Remember moral is an option.

  5. I guess “quite” in the 2nd line was meant as “quiet.”
    I like that its brevity doesn’t blur its clarity.
    Well done.

  6. well-done @Shally-Ashimi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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