He that invades the house ………..

My Father once told me a story about a herbalist that had a spare parts shop in the middle of the market square, shadowed underneath the big Iroko tree. In the crime ridden Nkwo market, his shop was the only one missing the thick metal criss-cross bars and Yale padlocks that decorated the others. In fact his shop had no door at all. Despite this, no one ever stole his wares. On the front of his shop, was a bold saying “He that invades the house belonging to another man, leaves his house open to be invaded by others.”

One night two robbers from outside our village, came to exercise their profession in the market square, they attempted and failed to break down Yale padlock after Yale padlock until they got to the herbalist’s shop. Their eyes lit up with joy as they walked in, shoulders held high like men who had just won kalu-kalu (the poor man’s lottery), and thanked their gods for blessing them with such a gift.

My Father said that, when the villagers woke up the next morning, they found these two men naked sweeping the floors of the market with their shirts. The stolen goods from the herbalist shop were neatly stacked beside the Iroko tree.

I do not know why this story came to my mind, standing here looking at the tragedy that lay in front of me. I wasn’t sure if what I was seeing was true or not anymore. You see, I can’t trust my mind anymore. My mind has been playing tricks on me for a while ever since that day with Fatima.

Fatima was engaged to marry Baba Idil, a man that didn’t deserve her. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. She walked with grace, a peacock would have been jealous of and the glare from her eyes was strong enough to melt the sun. So there was no way my heart could have won the moral battle of staying away from her. Let me be clear though I didn’t want Fatima because she was so beautiful, I wanted her because that was my thing.

I’m known to my friends and conquests, as “Ekenne the one shooter bull”, this is because like a bull, once I have slept with a cow, you will never see me dip my manhood in the same cow again.

‘Ekanna, (this is how Fatima pronounced my name, why? I cannot tell) you know I am meant to marry tomorrow, so what we are about to do is very wrong and goes against my tradition. Are you sure you mean what you are saying.’

‘Yes Fatima, I mean it.’ My tongue was kissing all over her naked body and heading south, there was nothing I wouldn’t say at this point to get what I wanted.

‘Yes, Fatima, I love you, what we are about to do will only further enhance our love, in fact, I think we should get married. I can’t bear being away from our love.’ This did the trick and five minutes later I was pulling up my trousers with a big smile on my face.

Fatima was excited, she kept going on, about how much she loved me, how she couldn’t wait to tell her parents about me. They would be disappointed that she wouldn’t marry Baba Idil, but at least she would still get married. I knew right then, I had to set her straight.

‘Fatima, thank you for this special time we have shared, I hope you know I wasn’t serious about us getting married. You have told me on numerous occasions how Baba Idil is your true love. I don’t want to put asunder, what God has joined. So please marry your husband tomorrow and don’t talk to me anymore, if you see me on the left side of the street, please cross over to the right, because I’ll deny knowing you.’

What Fatima did next was very strange, I expected her to cry like the other girls before her did, maybe get angry and throw things at me, but instead all she did was smile. Yes, you heard me right, she smiled like the half moon that announced the arrival of the new yam festival. Then she started nodding her head like the agama lizard, the voice I heard when she spoke next, didn’t sound anything like hers.

‘Ekanna, the man that invades the house belonging to another man, leaves his house open to be invaded by others.’

Since then my mind has not been my own. It started off with little things. I would call a girl the name of another when we were making love, I would ride my bicycle to the market square but end up forgetting it and walking the 20 kilometres it takes to get home. Then it started becoming more serious.

One day I woke up and found myself naked sitting in our family living room, in the middle of the afternoon. On another day I left home fully dressed in my trousers at least I remember wearing them, but then I became the focal point of everyone’s stare. The adults who saw me, pretended like what I was doing was normal, but then the children started to laugh and point at me. I couldn’t tell why they were doing this until I was almost at my mother’s stall. My little sister Ada, saw me and ran over with a piece of cloth to cover me, she was crying and asking if I had gone mad, why was I walking the streets with no trousers.

These incidents became regular as each day passed. They came at different times of the day and were each different in nature. The only similar occurrence was at the end of each incident I would see Fatima smiling like the moon and nodding like an agama lizard, her words would ring out in my ears and the noise it made was deafening.

Fatima died; she committed suicide a day after we had sex, the day she was due to marry. She left a letter saying she took her life because she didn’t want to bring shame to her family, but she didn’t mention what this shame was or my name at all. I was so glad that she didn’t but to be truthful nowadays I’m not so sure.

Today is the two-month anniversary of Fatima’s death and the sun set on it announcing another day of cow conquest for me but would end in tragedy the extent to which I still cannot believe. Her name is Blessing, the name of the cow that would feel my three-inch pizzle later today. Blessing was a true blessing to mankind from the gods. She had flawless skin that glowed even when the moon refused to shine it’s light, and her backside, well let’s just say that tales of its size had reached men from villages afar, who came begging for the chance to court her.

‘Broda, I’m not going ooo, I’m tired of running errands for you every time you expect your latest girl. If you want me to go, then you must buy me my own Fanta.’ Ada said, and stubbornly crossed her arms in defiance. With anyone else I would have been upset, but this was my little sister whom I adored more than anything in the world.

‘Ok, my little princess you can get one for yourself too.’ Ada smiled and thanked me.

The series of events that happened next, I’m still trying to make sense of. I fell asleep; at least I think I did. I was awakened by the soft caress of female hand, by the time my eyes were fully alert, Blessing was standing in front of me her ample breast dipping into my face. I reached out, pulled her to me and started kissing her. Her sweet voice rang out as I took off each item of her clothing.

When I was fully lodged in her, urgently ploughing away, her laughter changed. Suddenly it wasn’t the sweet singing voice of birds that belonged to Blessing, but the spine chilling voice that belonged to Fatima. I pulled away as fast as humanly possible only to see Fatima’s face smiling and nodding at me.

Something snapped in me, I think my mind couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed Fatima by the throat and squeezed like a snake does its prey. She fought for a while but then I heard the last breath of air escape her.

I lay on top of her for a while content at getting rid of the evil that ailed me. That’s when I heard the screams.

‘WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? EKENNE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? NWAMU OOO, MY CHILD… EKENNE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ADA?’

That’s when I saw her lying there my pretty little sister, she was naked her torn clothes lying beside her. By her waist was a small pool of blood and her eyes had rolled back in her head. I screamed and shouted at her. I shook her and begged her to wake up, but it was all in vain. That’s when my father’s story came back to me. I saw Fatima standing, smiling, head nodding in satisfaction and finally I understood the saying, “He that invades the house belonging to another man, leaves his house open to be invaded by others.”

 



46 thoughts on “He that invades the house ………..” by Mee (@dkny111)

  1. I hope there’s more? Please say this isn’t all there is!!!

    1. Thank you @hotchocolate for the comment, really glad you like. Unfortunately there isn’t more :( That’s where the story ends, but please watch out for more stories from me

    2. @hotchocolate

      lol!…haba! How can you want more?

      This is where it should end oh…no spoil this nicely told piece.

      1. @Afronuts, I cry your pardon, please.

        1. @Afronuts beg no bi @hotchocolate fault, when I posted the story originally, it wasn’t the complete story. I had to beg the editor to post the full story :)

  2. ..Y.eah…………

  3. Hmmm…I’m impressed! Keep writing!

    1. @Miniadebayo, really glad you like it, I’m about to read more from your series. So get ready for an lecture from me lol

    1. Oga @topazo thanks for the comment

  4. Thanks to everyone else I didn’t reply to. I’m really grateful for the comment, please watch out for more stories from me and LIKE it, that’s if you like it :)

  5. Wow! This is really nice. I didn’t want to stop reading.

    Well done!

  6. Good one. I thought the laid and strangled girl would turn out to be his sister Ada. Keep it up.

    1. @mee

      except i’m mistaken, the strangled girl was his sister and not the Blessing he was expecting.

      dark humor is not really my thing, but I was thoroughly shocked at the end. Kudos. keep writing.

  7. Good one. I thought the laid and strangled girl would turn out to be his sister Ada. The beginning is funny: naked thieves sweeping. You’ve a taste for humour. Keep it up.

    1. @Obi-Young thanks for the comment, because I wouldn’t have realised the published story wasn’t complete.

  8. Very interesting story. I like your play with words and the way the narrator weaves his way around the story. I think though that there was some inconsistent POV and some sentences needed proper punctuation to make them clearer. Check this:

    “I do not know why this story came to my mind, standing here looking at the tragedy that lay in front of me.” You switched from past [came to my mind] to present [standing here]. I think it should be:

    “I did not know why this story came to my mind, standing there looking at the tragedy that lay in front of me.” I suggest this correction because you are writing the story in past tense.

    “The series of events that happened next I’m still trying to make any sense of”. Well, not that this is wrong but don’t you think this sounds better and is easier to follow:
    “I’m still trying to make any sense of the series of events that happened next”

    Well done man. Nice one.

  9. Sorry everyone, just realised the story published wasn’t the full story. It’s been updated now, so please check out the link for the proper ending to the story it’s just another 145 words.

    Thanks for all the comments really appreciate it.

    http://www.naijastories.com/2013/02/he-that-invades-the-house/

    @hotchocolate
    @chemokopi
    @Mimiadebayo
    @topazo
    @Olan
    @basittjamiu
    @Salliness
    @Obi-Young

  10. @dkn111, thanks for the big-up on “Sandwich.” You have a unique, story-teller voice. It’s free-wheeling and pointed. If you’re new to this writing biz, welcome, and please, dabble some more.

    1. @howyoudey thanks for the comment, coming from you, that makes me really happy. I’ll be looking out for everything you’ve written and dude I think you should try writing a novel.

  11. @dkny111 excellent story, this is a classical example of a proper African thriller, mixed with deep dark Juju. The characters are not fully fleshed to feel for them, but this is a short story, so that is expected. The main character could be classified as protagonist or antagonist; Good and bad, Hero and Villain. For some reason I wanted him to face retribution, that’s just me though. The pain Fatima felt was not believable, probably because her love for the main character was not properly toned, again, probably due to this piece being in the short story category. I love the premise, it was an inviting hook to your story, it blends well nicely with the story. All in all, i love the dark feel, and the choice of characters. It is unique. You writing is easily distinctive. One more thing; EDIT, always edit, I have that same issue, but i’m working hard on it. Proof read, always. It will make it easier for your readers to connect with your words. Kudos, more kudi to your agbada.

    1. @wordsfromuyi thanks for the comment. All points taken on board. Editing is crazy, but we all have to do it, but to be truthful it’s boring at times, but we have to :(

      Thanks again

  12. Believe me, I don’t read “supernaturals”, but I don’t know why I read this.
    The truth is that you didn’t disappoint me… The opening quote got me struck and saw me through the story.

    Well done…….

    1. @kodeya thanks ooo. I don’t write ‘supernatural’ stories either, I’m a pure romance and life tragedy kind of guy.

      But glad you like this, abeg watch out for more stories from me.

  13. Quite a magnificent debut…. make sure you keep us hooked!!!

    1. @elovepoetry thanks a lot, I intend too

    1. @shadiat, thanks a lot for the comment

  14. @dkny111

    Wow…I’m astounded and won. I like the depth of your imagination and the infusement of wit and humour along with the tragedy. A beautifully written dark thriller that teaches the a lesson in a rather insightful way. You wrote this so well that the saying – “He that invades the house belonging to another man, leaves his house open to be invaded by others.” resonates like an echo in the reader’s mind; there is that lingering after-taste of the horror of it all as the message of the story sinks in.

    I also like the story within the story – a double treat that prepared our minds for what was to come but still got us knotted in suspense.

    You did not disappoint at all Mee. Good job! I definitely will keep an eye out for your stories…

  15. Oh…I forgot to mention…I think the story deserves a more stronger title. What you titled it takes away the shine…it deserves a better title!

    1. @Afronuts I’m really happy you like it, especially coming from someone I admire their writing.

      I know I am bad with story titles, in fact in general with naming things, see my profile name now, Mee, very boring unlike Afronuts which I’m jealous of :)

      Thanks again for reading ooooo

  16. Very impressive for one who began writing only about a year ago. You’ll go places. However you have to watch your punctuation. You employ to many comas. Try to use a stronger mark like the semi-colon, if you do not want to use a full stop.In addition you will do well to write in shorter sentences you can manage better. looking forward to more wonderful tales from you.

    1. @elyone thanks for the comment and Yes I know I use to many commas. Will employ your idea about the semi-colon.

      I guess that’s an element of my writing that seriously needs improving, grammar and punctuation and that’s why I’m on this site. Will also explore the shorter sentence as this moves on the story quicker

      And AMEN to me going places :)

      Thanks again

  17. Hmm…Nice…nice… Next, work on place and mood setting as well.

    You did good with this…

    1. @raymond thanks ooo, coming from the main man on horror (everyone was mentioning your name on Horror writing competition)

      Yeah I have to learn to focus on setting because it’s something I completely ignore in my writing. I believe in letting the reader create the setting in their mind, but yeah I’ll take it on board.

      Thanks again for responding

  18. You can be better.

    See, this story is good. It CAN BE BETTER.

    I don’t think this is the best way it could have been told. For one, I did not feel ANY emotion whatsoever. Fear, horror, insanity…whatever. The story felt bland – like those nursery rhyme stories.

    You are a learner. So learn. I see greatness in your work – but ‘potential’ never wins any laurels.

    BE BETTER.

    1. @Seun-Odukoya OK now this one I disagree with you but again I’m grateful for the comment and like I said before I’m here to learn

  19. @dkny111, i hereby applaud the creative sickness of your mind…i mean, this is so out there shocking…the tentative emotions of the MC, the life-like narration…boss, you did good here…no questions.

    1. @ayomitans thanks oo, glad you liked it

  20. @innoalifa again thanks for reading. This was my 1st story on naijastories and it still means a lot to me. Glad u liked it

    1. @dkny111, always welcome………………………

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