solar Eclipse,Saki 2006

The Birthday Serial Killer!

Sobi sat there in the cozy sitting room of her home, watching a program on E! It was going to be her birthday after 12midnight, and for no particular reason, Sobi wanted to see the day dawn on her. The TV program was about serial killers. She had just gone through one episode about a serial killer who loved to murder shopping single mums just for the sake of it; the screen pictures were getting too gory so Sobi put off the television. thank God she was in Nigeria, where serial killers did not exist, she thought in relief.
She stood from the sofa on which she had been reclining and stretched, then as though the Power holding company of Nigeria had been waiting for her clue, the light went out. Thick blackness took over the sitting room.
Why was everywhere so silent? Was she imagining it? Well what did she expect? Her whole family was away for the weekend, they had gone to be at a family friend’s wedding and Sobi had chosen to stay at home, saying she had some things to do; although the true reason she stayed was because she was angry they had all forgotten her birthday.
Sobi sat back on the sofa and groped around its fine leather surface for her phone then she remembered that she had left it in her bedroom. She almost cursed under her breath, but caught herself in time. She would just have to grope her way to the room. Suddenly, she became motionless; there had been stealthy movement by the parlor window, she was sure of it! Was the movement outside or inside? Sobi sat there stiff, with her heart beating so loud she could hear it! Nothing happened in the next few minutes and Sobi’s eyes got accustomed to the darkness, she breathed a sigh; it was nothing, just her active imagination, she concluded. Sobi stood up and groped her way to her bedroom.
In the room, she quickly found her phone under the pillow, she put on the torchlight on the handset and for once she was actually grateful she owned a torchlight Nokia phone. Feeling safe because of the light from her torch, she mounted her bed and lay there; the sound of an incoming message made her smile, at least some one remembered her birthday, she thought. The message was from an anonymous sender, and its contents soon made the hairs at the back of Sobi’s neck stand. It read:
“On the 9th of august, was Jane’s birthday, she did not see the day light, I slit her throat. Jane lives 6 blocks away.”
What nonsense was this? Sobi wondered. What kind of weird message was this? Just then, she heard a knock on the glass window of her bedroom, an eerie rhythmic knock,
“Tap tap, tap tap”
Sobi immediately put off her torch and laid still. Her phone beeped again, the very familiar sound jarred her nerves. She lay still for a few minutes, then again, nothing happened and she relaxed, why was she imagining all these scary things? However, one look at the text in her phone sent her wondering if it was possible to dial 911 in Nigeria.
“On the 9th of September, was Danielle’s birthday, she did not see the day light, I slit her throat. Danielle lives 4 blocks away.”
Sobi frenetically dialed 911 and had to hide her phone under the pillow to muffle the sound of the service operator’s error response. Just then another anonymous message came in, Sobi tried hard not to read it, but in a few seconds she found herself reading a message that said
“Today is the 9th of October, your birthday, your turn!”
Oh My God! Oh My God! Holy Mary Mother of God! Sobi found her mind running through almost every prayer she could think of. Then she heard the pointed heels, clacking on the tiled floor, one two, one two, precise steps bringing her death! she had earlier closed the room door but had not put the bolt in place, now she stood up from the bed in one swift movement and dived into the shadows in a corner of the room. Sobi heard the footsteps stop in front of her room; then the door creaking as it swung open. The pee was already trickling down Sobi’s legs to her bare feet; the liquids, streamed from her eyes and nose as she tried hard not to scream, then suddenly, the lights came on with the screams of “happy birthday!” It was only her mum and her two little brothers, but Sobi still fainted.
Her mother screamed for her uncle, who was outside manning the electricity control, he came in and together they revived Sobi. Should she be happy they did not forget her birthday after all? or should she be angry they had given her such a dreadful fright?

Comments

comments


11 thoughts on “The Birthday Serial Killer!” by Perfecta Bassey (@basseyperfecta)

  1. Profile photo of topazo
    topazo (@topazo): Head Wordsmith - 58959 pts

    wahahi if I be sobi ehn…wetin I go do dem…

    but I think ds kind of stunt ws too unrealistic…no parent wld joke wt smtn dt sinister

    1. Profile photo of Perfecta Bassey
      Perfecta Bassey (@basseyperfecta): Junior Writer - 4791 pts

      @topazo, thanks for that observation, lets just assume Sobi’s mum was super excited. I would be more careful in considering the minds of all characters next time.

  2. Profile photo of ash the dream
    ash the dream (@ash04): Junior Writer - 1920 pts

    ƒσя wia? Those texts? Naaaa! No way. Good writing though. Woulda preffered it continued and ended as horror.

    1. Profile photo of Perfecta Bassey
      Perfecta Bassey (@basseyperfecta): Junior Writer - 4791 pts

      @ash04, okay, i agree with you, no mother in her right mind would try that. thanks for the observation.

  3. Profile photo of Tola Odejayi
    Tola Odejayi (@TolaO): Wordsmith - 37111 pts

    @basseyperfecta, I don’t think it was realistic that a typical Nigerian mother would have played such a prank. But even as horror, I felt the story was missing something; maybe the build up to the dramatic moment was too quick, and you didn’t allow the reader to really feel the unease of the MC. But the story was well written – well done.

    1. Profile photo of Perfecta Bassey
      Perfecta Bassey (@basseyperfecta): Junior Writer - 4791 pts

      @Tola Odejayi, thank a lot for your very good observations. would do better next time.

  4. Profile photo of chemokopi
    chemokopi (@chemokopi): Head Wordsmith - 281414 pts

    Nice. Cool twist.

    Two major problems for me: The name ‘Sobi’ appeared too many times. There is a reason why pronouns are much used. Secondly, there was this style of telling you chose that seemed detached, like you wanted us to listen to you tell the story, rather than making us ‘enter the story’.

    Well done.

    1. Profile photo of Perfecta Bassey
      Perfecta Bassey (@basseyperfecta): Junior Writer - 4791 pts

      thanks for your observation. will do better next time.

  5. Profile photo of elovepoetry
    elovepoetry (@elovepoetry): Wordsmith - 34147 pts

    Nice story… keep it up

    1. Profile photo of Perfecta Bassey
      Perfecta Bassey (@basseyperfecta): Junior Writer - 4791 pts

      @elovepoetry, thanks a lot.

  6. Profile photo of innoalifa
    innoalifa (@innoalifa): Head Wordsmith - 111686 pts

    @basseyperfecta nice

Leave a Reply