My Girlfriend’s Ex – 1

My Girlfriend’s Ex – 1

Wonders will never cease to happen, this story is a real life story of my girlfriend, our friends and their men stories that led to the prefix EX.

As we all know that EX is attributed to something that is no longer existing but once existed. my girls stories are plenty, that it can be converted into a book, but before u understand this story, let me take y’all from the top.

Meet Tola, she is a butter, a typical naija babe born with a silver spoon, wait, i should say ‘silver golden diamond spoon’ her mum is a doctor in chemical engineering and the dad is a minister. she is the second daughter out of two kids, her elder sister is married to a football player and they live in the states, tola did her ist degree and masters in the states but comes home occasionally, she is oe of my friends that when i hear that she is coming to naija, i will clear out my wardrope, tola is a friend indeed £wink with my teeth£, she is 27years and a gorgeous 27 year old at that, she is not facially beautiful like ‘take my breath away kind of beauty’ but she has the right curves, she works in an international company, in its naija branch but what seem to be her problem, ‘A MAN’.

I met tola in lagos when i was staying with my aunt in festac, she was a good friend but we didn’t really meet on a friendly base. On that faithful day, tuesday to be precise, it was the holidays and nothing excite a teenager more than a holiday lesson, i grew up in the East but i was spending the hols with my aunt who deemed it necessary to chip me into a holiday lesson so that i get to socialize, those were her words, not mine.

I have always been an extrovert, but when you are the new girl(esp one from the east), you will be baptized with the gene for introvesy. I kept quiet, kept to myself and didn’t want to get noticed, but trust the rich spoilt kids to always know how to mark the new students ( i guess itz one of their traits because i can’t mark people who are new), so i guess she wanted to drive a point home to me that she was the queen and owned the place, ( i figured out later that she was threatened cos of my so called beauty), so she was a total bitch to me, things got better when we found out that we attended the same church and she then realised that i wasn’t even aware of my beauty and as such, i can’t use it against her, we became best of friends and has remained so ever since.

Tola has a boyfriend, a yoruba guy, Tunde, they have been together for over 12 years, they have lived together for 5 years and seem soo much in love but there is a thing little problem……..he has not popped the huge question yet and this is what make tola sad. Tola is now so worried because she wants her fourth finger to be adorned, she is back to naija now to go see a counsellor and am her plus one, i didn’t want to go but when tola is broke emotionally, the sun cannot rise. The meeting was scheduled on a friday 3pm, and from my calender, am free from one, so, i will meet her at the salon and we will go from there.

We got to the counsellor on time and the meeting began and was going smoothly until the counsellor began opening our eyes or rather my eyes. After tola finished naratting everything to him(counsellor), he asked have u ever broken up with him tola, ‘no, i haven’t, he has been my only boyfriend’ counsellor, ‘but you want the ring? Since u have being together, has he ever talked about kids, or what his future plans are’ Tola, ‘well, he is a very work oriented man, he only talks abot expansion of his company’ counsellor, ‘ how does he see his present situation with u? Are u sure that he loves you’ Tola, ‘he not only love me, he adores me, he is proud of my achievements, he always say that he is happy that he has me, he worships me, and i love him more’ counsellor, ‘ then what are u doing here?’ Tola, “i want the ring, i want him to kneel and ask the ques, i want to jump into the air and scream when i say yes, i want him to put his seed inside of me and watch it grow and help nurture it, i want all of it, is dat too much to ask, i just want his name right after mine, i want to call him MY HUSBAND, THE FATHER OF MY KIDS, counsellor, ” he hasn’t popped the question because you haven’t required him to” tola, ” what exactly do u mean?” councellor, ” check yourself, u do everytin a wife does, u clean for him, you wash for him, you cook for him, you sleep with him, you live with him, you bathe with him, so what more do u need”? Tola burst out crying.

 



7 thoughts on “My Girlfriend’s Ex – 1” by Pinkice (@Pinkice)

  1. @Pinkice, you can do better! I love this you must know.

  2. @pinkice, you have an interesting story, but there are many, many errors. To take a sample paragraph:

    “Tola has a boyfriend, a yoruba guy, Tunde, they have been together for over 12 years, they have lived together for 5 years and seem soo much in love but there is a thing little problem……..he has not popped the huge question yet and this is what make tola sad. Tola is now so worried because she wants her fourth finger to be adorned, she is back to naija now to go see a counsellor and am her plus one, i didn’t want to go but when tola is broke emotionally, the sun cannot rise. The meeting was scheduled on a friday 3pm, and from my calender, am free from one, so, i will meet her at the salon and we will go from there.”

    This would be better written as:

    “Tola had a boyfriend, a Yoruba guy, Tunde. They had been together for over 12 years, and they had lived together for 5 years of those years. It seemed that they were so much in love but there was a little problem – he had not popped the big question yet and this was making her sad. In fact she was so anxious to get married that she had travelled back to Nigeria to go see a counsellor. I had agreed to follow her – I had not wanted to go, but when Tola was depressed, the sun would not rise. The meeting was scheduled for a Friday 3pm, and from my calender, I was free from one, so, I would meet her at the salon and we would go from there.”

    Note especially the tense corrections and the usage of words.

    Keep writing, but do pay attention.

  3. @TolaO, I think our writer here has to agree with the particular tense that ‘she’ wants to use: whether it is present or past. Perfect or continuous. When that is done, we can know how to flow.
    @Pinkice: Well done on this. I like the spirit of the narrative but like my brother, T.O said, there are just about too many errors to be ignored. First, we might have to ask: was this written with a phone? (no offence)… There are short forms and all – ‘u’, small singular ‘i’ instead of the proper pronoun ‘I’… Lots of the capitalization are not on point. Even ‘Tola’ gets to be ‘tola’ at some points.
    I think you need a total overhaul of this and a proper remix because this version is not just it… seriously. Now, let’s see a paragraph for instance…this one:

    I met tola in lagos when i was staying with my aunt in festac, she was a good friend but we didn’t really meet on a friendly base. On that faithful day, tuesday to be precise, it was the holidays and nothing excite a teenager more than a holiday lesson, i grew up in the East but i was spending the hols with my aunt who deemed it necessary to chip me into a holiday lesson so that i get to socialize, those were her words, not mine.

    IT might read better as:
    I met Tola in Lagos. We later became to be good friends but our meeting wasn’t on a friendly note. I had come to spend the holidays with an aunt of mine in Festac. My aunt insisted that I attend lessons to socialise – not as if I minded. It was fun as nothing could excite me more than holiday lessons! …

    Even this is rough. I would suggest ‘something’ like this.
    Forgive me if I have sounded somewhat harsh or anything. The truth is I like the spirit of your tale and I really think that if you take your time to shine this tale you would have something far better…

    Keep reading, keep writing. Well done gal! Now, where’s the Part 2? ;)

    1. Am so sorry about the mistakes, i didn’t know that concord is checked here, and for the fact that i write my stories with my phone doesn’t help at all, but i will try and improve, thanks guys for your support

  4. @sueddie, I feel this story is more like narrative of a true life experience, so use of tenses should be ‘past’ and not present continuous, Isnt that true? @TolaO?

    1. I think the past tense would be better too, @whizpoet.

  5. @Pinkice. You can use any tense you want, but just be consistent. I think you need to rework this piece – edit for typographical errors and grammatical blunders. Choose one narrative tense and stick with it. It’s a nice plot.

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