Friendly Fiend

Friendly Fiend

…Ours was a divine consummate…
… Earthen concluded that the bond was filial…
…Ours became a reference point for earthen who longed for harmonious existence…
…Ours was an inseparable spirit which shared intrinsic and extrinsic values which made all seem peaceful and perfect…
…Oh! Earthen are your eyes merely looking or seeing…
…Oh! Earthen if you really pry with your third eye you may discover that though the amour is shining it is not made of gold…
…Oh! Earthen you may discover that my treasured soul mate has stolen the heart of my beau…
…Oh! Earthen do you stand still? As my soul mate deconstructs my dwelling unit…
Oh! My friendly fiend I beg of you a last favor… let go of my gem of inestimable value…



6 thoughts on “Friendly Fiend” by babsiwalewa (@babsiwalewa)

  1. Oh well….wah can I say?
    I didn’t see much here to “tickle me” ; sorry.

    Check: …Ours was a divine consummate…

    Doesn’t sound right….somehow!

  2. Why did you use earthen? Society may have been a better word. Also check spellings like amour should have been armour. Nice story in there though.

  3. Good effort I shd say, do a spell check…

  4. Poetry or prose?

    Unnecessary grandiose words spoil the effect this might have had.

  5. There is something here, like it’s a rough diamond. I like the style, and it somewhat justified the prosaic nature of the poem.

    Since you chose to use the ellipsis a lot, you should be aware of it’s punctuation requirements: you leave a space between the letter and the dot. As in:

    “… Oh! Earthen …”

    Keep improving your art.

Leave a Reply