Eater

Eater

 a story about an unusual pregnancy and its effects on the unsuspecting mother.

 

ultrasound scan

EATER

 

The rain isn’t letting up any, but Adaora doesn’t notice. Outside her house, an apartment on the first floor of a four-storey building she calls home, the world is wet. Umbrellas bob past as people try to find shelter from the rain and splashing cars. Power is still on, and has been on for the past two hours since the rain started, which is unusual. Oblivious to the music blaring from her speakers, Adaora reaches for the biscuit on her plate, pops it into her mouth and chews silently, not tasting it. All food has lost taste in her mouth now; she just needs something to quell the pangs. A sip of juice, then a sandwich.  She chews, smacking her lips. Her right hand finds its way to her distended tummy, slipping beneath her T-shirt to rub the smooth skin. The skies mirror her mind; a deluge of images, just like rain. A stranger in her own head, she watches herself fall; a past life; Smiling Adaora, Crying Adaora, at work, with him; three whirlwind weeks of fun, away from everything, from everyone. The doctor’s, where she’d gone to when she’d started getting the cramps, too distracted by work and his sudden disappearance. The doctor, looking up from the test result, his eyes strangely enlarged by his glasses as he says…

 

“…pregnant.”

  The world snapped back into focus and Adaora sat up as she spoke. “Pregnant? Did you say pregnant?” Her voice sounded strange in her ears; was she shouting?

“Yes I did, Miss Adaora. You are not sick; you are carrying a baby.”

“But…” Her mind went blank momentarily, and then she continued. “But I haven’t had any morning sickness yet.”

“Well, for some women, that comes later. However, you are exhibiting all other signs. Fatigue, frequent urination, and-”

“But I just had my period, which is why I came here,” Adaora said, cutting him off.

  Dr Tolu’s eyes flashed for a moment, but then he relaxed visibly, smiled with something akin to pity. “That wasn’t your menstruation Miss Adaora. That is a sign that you are at least three weeks pregnant. Pink stains right around when you should have your menses is another sign.”

  Adaora tried to speak, but what came out was a weak croak as she fell back into the chair and stared at her shoes. The hospital hummed around her, the antiseptic smell invading her senses.

  Dr Tolu watched her for a while, and his heart softened. “What are you afraid of Miss? Won’t the father support you?”

“That’s if I can find him first,” she replied. Her voice sounded hollow, as though the news had just taken everything out of her.

“Pardon?”

“The father is not in the picture.”

“I see.” Silence. “Break-up?”

“Disappeared.”

“Where to?”

“How would I know?”

  Silence. Then, “You mean you don’t know where he is?”

  A pained expression on her face as she looked up. “I am on the pill, so I still don’t understand how I got pregnant.”

  Dr Tolu sighed, and then sat back in his chair. “Sometimes,” he said, “The body wants something so bad, it defies every impossibility.”

  Adaora clasped her hands, wringing them nervously.

“Don’t worry,” Dr Tolu said. “You will-”

 

An insistent scratching sound brings her back, and it takes a while of staring morosely to realize that her hand has been trying to grasp a sandwich that is no longer in the plate; she has finished it without knowing. She traces a finger on her lips and licks it. Maybe this will do for now. The intervals are getting shorter now; she can hold out for another what, thirty minutes? Twenty? It has been getting progressively worse. In the beginning it had been every four hours, and she’d attributed this to the pregnancy. When it changed to every three hours, she’d begun to worry.

She closes her eyes and leans back in her chair. A single tear traces a line down her left cheek.

Memories. So much joy; so much pain. One smile, and she’d been swept away like a leaf in the wind. She known it was something else, something new, something…unique. She’d never felt that way before. His eyes had been the deepest she’d ever seen, and now they haunt the hallways of her mind. Now she needs to-

The pangs pull her back to reality. She gets up. She needs to make some food before the pangs become worse. As she walks past the full-length mirror in her room, she turns involuntarily to look, and then she stops. A wraith stares back at her. She does not recognize this thin woman with the hollow cheeks and sunken eyes. The only that looks healthy is the rapidly growing bump. It is as if she is being sucked hollow from the inside. She turns and looks at an old, framed picture of her on the dresser beside the mirror, just before the madness and its consequences. Silently, she reaches out and turns it face-down.

 

  Dr Tolu stared at the ultrasound scan, and then looked up. He started to speak, and then looked back at the scan. Dropped it on his table, leaned back, took off his glasses and robbed his eyes. “I don’t understand,” He said to himself.

“What?” Adaora asked, leaning forward.

  Ignoring her, he took the scan, got up and said “Just one moment,” leaving her staring at his vacant chair. The closing door sounded too loud. Adaora pinched herself. “Stay focused girl,” she muttered to herself. “Stay focused.” She brought out her phone and idly scrolled through her contacts list. She found his number and tried it for the umpteenth time. It rang continuously and then stopped. Just as she was trying to dial it again, Dr Tolu came back into the room with another doctor in tow, this one a tall, dark, be-spectacled female with soft, beautiful features.

“Miss Adaora,” he said as he walked round his desk, “I want you to meet a colleague of mine, Dr Margaret.”

“Hello,” Dr Margaret said, stretching her hand.

  Adaora shook her hand. “Hello. Is anything the matter?”

  Dr Tolu glanced at Dr Margaret, who resisted the urge to look back at him. “Nothing serious Miss Adaora,” she said. “I just need to ask you a few questions.”

“Okay…” Adaora glanced inquiringly at Dr Tolu, who focused on Dr Margaret.

“How far along are you now?”

“Huh?”

“I meant, how long have you been pregnant?”

“Six weeks now. Found out I was pregnant in my third week, and that was three weeks ago.”

“Good. Any unusual feelings?”

“Apart from the things I was told to expect? I’ve got mood swings.”

“That’s also expected.”

“Okay. I also have a craving to eat a lot these days, and a few of my colleagues at work say that I seem to be losing weight, which cannot be possible given the fact that I am pregnant and I now eat more than before.”

  Dr Margaret thought for a while and then asked, “How often do you get these cravings? What kinds of food do you crave?”

“I think it is every four hours, and I crave literally anything edible.” The furrowed brows on Dr Margaret’s face made her ask, “Is that normal?”

“Cravings during pregnancy,” Dr Margaret said, sitting on the chair beside Adaora and leaning forward, “are not unheard of. Some women crave certain kinds of foods for certain periods, and these cravings change. Sometimes a pregnant woman may crave sweet or salty foods, or even water. So your food craving is nothing unusual.”

“Are you sure?”

  Dr Margaret smiled. “Positive my dear. Now, I asked you how far along you were earlier on because of something we discovered-”

“Am I sick? Is the baby alright?”

“You are fine. The baby…appears to be alright.”

“But…?” Adaora asked. Her heart thudded within her chest, threatening to drown out all sound.

“I want you to look at something.”

   At this, Dr Tolu sat up and spread three pictures on his desk; two colour pictures and one ultrasound. “These are pictures of a foetus at three different stages,” he said. He pointed at the first picture; it looked like an egg divided in two. “This is the foetus at three weeks. The second one ,” the second colour picture, “is the baby at six weeks. And this last one,” -the ultrasound scan- “is the foetus at nine weeks.

  Adaora looked at the pictures, and then looked at the doctors. “And?”

“What do you think your baby will look like now?” Dr Tolu asked.

  Without hesitation, she reached out and touched the second picture. “Six weeks, so this one. Right?”

  Dr Tolu looked at Dr Margaret, who said, “That’s what it is supposed to look like, but you are wrong, which is why I asked you all those questions in the beginning.”

“What do you mean?”

“This,” Dr Margaret said, her finger on the ultrasound scan, “is your baby.”

  Adaora stared morosely at the doctors. “I…I don’t understand.”

“It means you are not six weeks pregnant Miss Adaora. You are nine weeks pregnant.”

“How is that possible?” Adaora asked. “Dr Tolu was the one who told me my test results!”

  Dr Tolu squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. “I know, and at the time all signs pointed to that. I am sorry about that.”

“Look,” Dr Margaret said, “I know Dr Tolu, and I trust him. I don’t know what’s going on, but I wouldn’t worry about it. Maybe, your body is reacting differently to the pregnancy; maybe it had tried to reject it for a while but after acquiescing, is now trying to make up for lost time.” Dr Tolu turned to look at Dr Margaret, who ignored him. “So, don’t worry. Just come to us if you notice anything unusual. As for your craving, it is not a problem. Just stay healthy for you and the baby, that’s all I can say for now. But don’t for…”

 

The cold bathroom floor tiles on her bare skin. Sometimes it helps to lie down here; maybe it doesn’t like the cold. The light is off, and she has covered her mirror with a towel. She can’t bear to look at what she has become. The pangs, a little dull now, but she knows that this is only temporary respite; soon they’ll come back, and then the scratching and pulling, the kicking. An angry little baby. Her eyes focus slowly on the plate of rice in front of her. A poke on the left side of her tummy. She closes her eyes. A pinch. A finger, tracing a line on the insides of her womb. She gets up to eat.

 

  Dr Tolu’s eyes widened even further. It was bad enough that Adaora had lost so much weight even while the pregnancy appeared to have grown, but this? “What kind of sick joke is this?” he asked aloud. At 12 weeks, this was looking like a 27 week old pregnancy.

“Huh?” Adaora opened her eyes. She’d been enjoying the coolness of the scanner on her tummy.

“Nothing.” He turned off the machine, turned it on again and started all over. In moments, the baby appeared again on-screen. He stared at the bulge in surprise.

“How-” he started, then movement caught his eye. He turned and stared as the baby turned and…and…was it reaching out to him?

  The baby moved towards the screen suddenly, startling Dr Tolu who scrambled backwards, falling off his stool. The scanner swung freely from its cord, but the image remained on the screen. Adaora’s mouth hung open as the baby pressed its palm on the screen. The screen bulged. Dr Tolu tried to speak but only a croak came out. The screen bulged twice, and then a hand came out. It was a translucent pink and it ended in claws. The windows in the room blew out and the lights went off as the screen flickered. The air became too hot, and then too cold. An inhuman keening in the air as Dr Tolu screamed, scrambled to his feet and shuffled backwards, afraid of taking his eyes off the hand that now glowed blue with the light coming from the screen. “No, no, no, no, no” he kept muttering, his mind a slate.

“Doctor? Doctor Tolu?” Adaora’s voice coming from so far away.

  He turned and leapt out of the window four storeys off the ground. People, screaming as he flattened a  Toyota Camry, dying instantly.

  Adaora’s scream brought the whole floor to a standstill.

 

stop her someone should stop the person screaming someone should-

Adaora abruptly stops screaming. She is now in the tub; she cannot recollect finishing her food-the empty plate mocks her-neither can she remember filling the tub with water. It has stopped raining, but the sky is still dark, and power has been cut. There is nothing left for her now, she knows. Her only option is to get this baby out before it bec-

The pangs again. “No,” she says. “You’ve ruined my life enough. You have to come out. I don’t-”

A tug inside, as if in protest, and then she feels something tear. She screams in anguish as she clutches her stomach. She lapses into a blinding, coughing fit and when her sight clears, she can see the blood on the tiles, on her hand. She can taste the blood as well, she feels it run down her chin. She struggles to her feet as her stomach bulges unnaturally. She looks down to see two small hands pushing out from the inside of her stomach; pin-pricks of blood, rapidly spreading at the fingertips. Stifling a scream, she rummages in her bathroom cabinet for a razor. Ignoring the cuts, she unwraps it and holds it up to the fading light. Her eyes are glassy. A tug, agonizing pain and she almost drops the razor into the water which is rapidly changing colour; she is bleeding from every orifice.

As the razor parts the skin of her stomach, Adaora screams, and the world screams with her. The sky rumbles.

Outside her bathroom window, unseen to the world, yellow, serpentine eyes look in. An impossibly old face cracks in a smile, revealing razor-sharp teeth.

The lips move; the voice is a gravelly whisper.

“Hello, son.”

 

The End

Comments

comments


78 thoughts on “Eater” by Raymond (@raymond)

  1. Profile photo of chemokopi
    chemokopi (@chemokopi): Head Wordsmith - 281506 pts

    Hmmmm…masterful suspense. I enjoyed this. Well done Raymond.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      Thank you bro.

  2. Profile photo of Eletrika
    Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36476 pts

    Oooooooo…
    Dis guy sha…

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @babyada…wetin I do na?

      @kaycee, @seun-odukoya, @howyoudey, @xikay, @ablyguy, @jaywriter, @shaifamily, @Lade, @whoremain… :D . Thoughts please.

      1. Profile photo of Raymond
        Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

        @tadethompson, any scathing remarks? @sibbylwhyte, enter d place…

  3. Profile photo of tadethompson
    tadethompson (@tadethompson): Junior Writer - 4214 pts

    @raymond
    Not bad. Very spooky, kept me reading to the end.

    Needs wee bit of copy editing and there are a few POV issues, but by and large one of your strongest stories, Raymond. Very well done. I could visualise all elements of the story.

    In terms of the bleeding in early pregnancy which can mimic a period, it’s called implantation bleeding. The doctor may have used that term. Or not. You can keep it in reserve for another story :)

  4. Profile photo of tadethompson
    tadethompson (@tadethompson): Junior Writer - 4214 pts

    One more thing: it might strengthen the story to add some detail however minor about the ‘father’ of the child. a line or two. Nothing major.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @tadethompson, it was spooky? One of my strongest stories? Wow. Thanks! Got something in line later as well…call it my Christmas gift for the readers. Heh. Let’s see how it goes.

      Implantation bleeding. Yeah, just decided not to include it. The amount of research I did for this story eh…I’m surprised I’m not yet pregnant sef.

      As for the father, well, word limit limitations…if that’s an excuse (not!)

      Thanks a lot.

      1. Profile photo of tadethompson
        tadethompson (@tadethompson): Junior Writer - 4214 pts

        The research shows, and yet does not overwhelm the story. :)

        1. Profile photo of Raymond
          Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

          Thanks a lot @tadethompson!

  5. Profile photo of fEMI
    fEMI (@femtrols): Scribe - 19250 pts

    Finely written @raymond

    This line- ‘She known it was something else, something new, something…unique.’ She known* seems to be typo?

    You can check mine out, too: Our Ram Is Haram.

    All the best!

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      Will do bro. Thanks; didn’t spot the typo…there goes one point… Pah!

  6. Profile photo of ablyguy
    ablyguy (@francis): Senior Scribe - 21652 pts

    Spooky, Raymondish, vivid, insightful… However it left too many questions to qualify for a short story jor… I don’t envy that insane mind of yours at all.

    Splendid work boss!

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @francis, Thanks bro. What kind of questions?

  7. Profile photo of ablyguy
    ablyguy (@francis): Senior Scribe - 21652 pts

    Like, what is that thing in Adaora’s stomach? Who is the father? Why her? The doctor’s reaction seemed to portray to me he knew what it was and if he did how come? These are the questions in my head though after reading the story….

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @francis, the story is quite clear; from the summary to the end. Adaora is pregnant. The father is a mystery and obviously not human. Why not her? Doctor’s reaction was perfectly normal given the fact that it was a pregnancy…in a hospital…and it was progressing strangely…
      Any other questions?

      1. Profile photo of Olaedo
        Olaedo (@Olaedo): Senior Scribe - 26995 pts

        I think I understand what @francis meant. I enjoyed the story, even if it was a tad too spooky for my tastes. However, it raises a lot of questions for me too.

        Yeah, it’s obvious that the father’s not human. What’s his story, though? And yeah, why was she the ‘chosen one’? She woulda had some minimal relationship, at the very least, with the non-human baby-daddy. A mention of that relationship would have removed questions from anyone’s mind.
        Why did all that happen? Alien invasion? Some demon out to rule the world?
        Maybe, it’s just that part of me that wants things tied up nicely, asking all these :)

        Great story, still.

        1. Profile photo of Raymond
          Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

          @Olaedo, thank you for reading and liking the story.
          Now, for all these questions almost everyone wants answered… First of all, this is what I saw, and I had to write what I was permitted to see. Secondly, this is a short story. There are things you must not do in a short story, especially in one with such a short word limit like this; never over-tell. Yes we will like to know why Adaora was the chosen one (even me) but is this information necessary to the purpose of the story? No.
          Again, take a look at the writing style. This is not a narration; this is a re-collection of events juxtaposed with current happenings. Given the state of mind of the character, giving information like what kind of relationship they had, purpose of the father, why she was chosen etc will do nothing but break the trance-like state that the story is progressing in. The purpose of not mentioning too much of the relationship is
          1) to give little away, and
          2) it is unnecessary for this story

          In a novel, you will have time to answer all these questions; a short story, however, is a different ball game with a different set of rules, apart from the normal ones.

          My take anyway, although I believe @Eyitemi answered it better for me sef…

  8. Profile photo of ablyguy
    ablyguy (@francis): Senior Scribe - 21652 pts

    No sir! Still unsatisfied a little, but that’s just me though…

  9. Profile photo of Thomasmann
    Thomasmann (@drzhivago): Junior Writer - 4089 pts

    I enjoyed this story very much @raymond. It was a great piece from a fertile mind.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @drzhivago, thank you Sir.

  10. Profile photo of omojola
    omojola (@omojola): Writer - 6542 pts

    @raymond: Good narative. Good suspense. Good writing. And, talking of points going ‘pah’ we are here to learn so do not ever feel bad about it. You have what it takes right here.

    here’s the link to my story: http://www.naijastories.com/2012/12/okula-a-daughters-vengeance/
    please read, comment and click on the stars to rate. Thank you, thank you.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @omojola, hehehe… Thank U. This, make me feel bad? Hehehe… I have seen worse. I don’t feel bad about anything at all.
      Will check Urs out.

  11. Profile photo of Eyitemi Egwuenu
    Eyitemi Egwuenu (@eyitemiegwuenu): Newbie - 335 pts

    @Olaedo…..at times, the best part of an excellent story is revealing as little as possible, and I believe Raymond has captured that, quite well here. Answering all the questions you have raised will take away from the story rather than adding to it. Moreover, if Raymond had given so much detail about the father in the middle of the story, then the last 3 to 4 lines of the story would not have carried as much punch as it does right now. I think Raymond said as much as he needed to say. The appeal of this story is the mystery around it.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      Thank U very much Sir @eyitemiegwuenu

  12. Profile photo of kaycee
    kaycee (@kaycee): Head Wordsmith - 150093 pts

    I am just so glad I am not pregnant.
    Great work.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @kaycee, hehehe… Thank God oh! Thanks bro.

  13. Profile photo of Jaywriter
    Jaywriter (@jaywriter): Junior Writer - 1809 pts

    I love the switch between the two scenes and the use of italics.

    Well written. Not a fan of this genre but I really enjoyed this one.

    It’s hard sometimes believing that the three ‘Raymonds’ are the same, looooooooooool.

    Nice one.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @jaywriter, hehehe. Abeg which 3 Raymonds?

      Thanks a lot.

  14. Profile photo of Kukogho Iruesiri Samson
    Kukogho Iruesiri Samson (@xikay): Head Wordsmith - 49897 pts

    I dont know whether to laugh or just pretend its not @raymond that wrote this, na one one bad ass guy write am…habba, this is just crazy….you don come again ba?…This na Christmas period o!

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @xikay, hehehe… my brother, no be my fault oh! This no be the main Christmas story sef… that one dey come…
      Thanks bro…

  15. Profile photo of howyoudey
    howyoudey (@howyoudey): Head Wordsmith - 97918 pts

    @raymond, calm down, my brother. You know the drill, now: Listen to what your reader says, say “Thank you, sir,” and then decide to use or explain or not explain. If you explain, don’t be defensive.

    From where I sit, no need for you to explain. This piece was a Raymond, and I liked it. Like you said, if you had more space, you’d tell us what the doctor ate for breakfast!
    Hehehehe..

    Goodluck, bro, and happy holidays.

  16. Profile photo of Raymond
    Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

    @howyoudey, thanks bro. Sorry if I came across as defensive; that wasn’t my intention at all; just trying to give some pointers, that’s all. I hope say U drop ya tori too oh!

  17. Profile photo of Ife Watson
    Ife Watson (@petunia007): Scribe - 15200 pts

    Goose-bumpish! I won’t recommend this for a pregnant woman. Your imagination is something else!

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @petunia007, hehehe… Thank U.

  18. Profile photo of Ellie
    Ellie (@elly): Writer - 9158 pts

    Spooky stuff, the reaction of doctor said a lot- jumping to his death? Well done, I liked it a lot…

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @elly, thanks a lot…

  19. Profile photo of focus
    focus (@focus): Junior Writer - 1797 pts

    Wow…

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @focus, Hehehe… Thanks for the ‘Wow’…

  20. Profile photo of Bubbllinna
    Bubbllinna (@sibbylwhyte): Head Wordsmith - 123293 pts

    Wait o! @Raymond! You called me here to frighten me ba? What do you mean sef? I was thinking of getting a baby this january and here’s what I had to read. So it’s bye -baby- bye, for now.
    Lovely yet spooky story, told by a wonderful writer.
    Well done and goodluck. Cheers! $ß.

  21. Profile photo of Fiyinfoluwa Akinsiku
    Fiyinfoluwa Akinsiku (@fiyinsiku): Junior Writer - 4906 pts

    @raymond, you did quite a job here and I must say a big kudos. But then you entered my field and that’s the basis of this comment. ‘Cramps’ means menstrual pain not the pain you feel when pregnant. By the way, pregnancy is an entirely normal process. Any pain means there’s a problem. There’s no where in this life, I mean no hospital in this world can say a woman is pregnant at 3weeks.No. A menstrual cycle is 4weeks. That is why a woman would tell you ‘she missed her period.’ She can’t miss it at 3weeks. And here in Nigeria, we book pregnancies at 8weeks(that is after the 2nd missed period.) So, by 6weeks, a woman would tell you she’s 2weeks late. The test is called a PT. Pregnancy test. Not an ultrasound scan. And by the way, its a ‘probe’ not a scanner.I mean the part that touches the woman’s belly when she’s doing a scan. I have a lot of non-medical comments, but I’d keep them. Well done.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @fiyinsiku…Chei! U aff finished me! And I thought I had become an honorary Gynecologist… Chei… My own don kpafuka!
      Thank U for reading oh! *Crying inside bucket*…

      1. Profile photo of Dotta Raphels
        Dotta Raphels (@dottaraphels): Senior Scribe - 29367 pts

        I would think that the three weeks was the glaring reason why this preggers chick was weird….the whole concept and method echoed DAMIEN from the start,,,,so the normality of actual pregnancy ought to be void,as told by our @aymond here :)

        That said, I always suspected you were psycho, just didn’t know how badly :)…this is sheer genius!,

        1. Profile photo of Raymond
          Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

          @dottaraphel, thank you very much not just for your comment, but for understanding the story a@dottaraphels, thanks a lot.

  22. Profile photo of Raymond
    Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

    @Seun-Odukoya, have I even seen Ur comment here? o_O

    1. Profile photo of Seun-Odukoya
      Seun-Odukoya (@Seun-Odukoya): Head Wordsmith - 103763 pts

      There are two things.

      1. What really am I going to say that you haven’t already heard?

      2. I have a very similar story to this – the similarity is eerie. I started reading – and then I began to see the similarities and so I stopped.

      And then, by the way…I haven’t exactly seen your comment on my story either – so what do we say to that?

      Musketeer. Respect always.

  23. Profile photo of h0n3ydr0p5
    h0n3ydr0p5 (@h0n3ydr0p5): Senior Scribe - 20064 pts

    Hi. I enjoyed your story, you are right about us being in the same sort of line, even though I think your stories are scarier than mine ever could be.

    Man I can feel Adaora’s pain!

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @h0n3ydr0p5, hehehe… Thanks.

  24. Profile photo of Da Writing Engineer
    Da Writing Engineer (@banky): Wordsmith - 32889 pts

    The imagination is there, as always. I think I expected more of the writing, feels like you might have had little time to write this after the amount of research.
    Above all, this is very Raymond. Will like to see this without the hindrance of a word count. I so know you can make this far better.

    Wetin dey to talk again…?

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @banky, I hear U bro…I hear U loud and clear. Thanks.

  25. Profile photo of Idi Ace
    Idi Ace (@IdiAce): Head Wordsmith - 54663 pts

    Great story and great telling…loved it.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @IdiAce, thanks boss.

  26. Profile photo of Lulu
    Lulu (@Lulu): Senior Scribe - 29152 pts

    I hate horror, but love great writing, and in my head great writing won. This a scenario that been played over and over from Exorcist to several low budget movies, but you managed to pull it off convincingly and with great panache. Since you brought in the Frank Perreti unseen spiritual things, where were the angels of light when this is happening. Scary tho, but great writing

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @Lulu, in all honesty, I can’t remember watching any movie with this kind of plot, and I am sure no Exorcist movie featured a baby eating the mother from the inside.
      Thank U very much though bro. Meanwhile, I still dey wait ya work oh. I wan read.

  27. Profile photo of lelouch
    lelouch (@lelouch): Scribe - 18254 pts

    Felt right at home with this. I noticed quite a number of incongruities but…this is still pretty good.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @lelouch, thanks a lot.

  28. Profile photo of maisolomonic
    maisolomonic (@maisolomonic): Junior Writer - 3786 pts

    hhmmm! Fair enough

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @maisolomonic, see beef… Hehehe.

  29. Profile photo of Joey
    Joey (@brizio): Junior Writer - 2432 pts

    There were two lines I counted where you mixed present and past tense in one sentence. Still an awesome read. Kept me glued truly, I even overlooked the medical inconsistencies.

    PS: congratulations on your win

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @brizio, thank U. As for the medical inconsistencies, didn’t have time to get someone to look at it as it was written 2 days to the deadline and also because of work, so I did all I could.
      Will do better next time.

  30. Profile photo of shiningem
    shiningem (@funmioladimeji): Junior Writer - 1263 pts

    this is great,i couldnt stop reading till d end. kudos

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      Thank you very much.

  31. Profile photo of maisolomonic
    maisolomonic (@maisolomonic): Junior Writer - 3786 pts

    @raymond did u xpect me b say perfect? Na! D story is scary! Afta dat, I cnt rily hang on to anytin. D suspense is weak nd a tad confusing 4 me. Anyways na my opinion nd it does nt detract frm d fact dat d story was gud enuf 2 win d contest. Congrats bro.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @maisolominic, Hehehe. I hear U. Thank U.

  32. Profile photo of katiee
    katiee (@katiee): Junior Writer - 4351 pts

    SCARY STUFF!!!…but I loved!!…not a fan of horror but well this………

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @katiee, thank you very much.

  33. Profile photo of EXCELLENCY
    EXCELLENCY (@excellency): Scribe - 13135 pts

    …congratulations on ur win sire!

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      Thank you @excellency

  34. Profile photo of adams
    adams (@coshincozor): Scribe - 13240 pts

    wow!! horror… what a wide and wild imagination!

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @cochincozor, thank you boss.

  35. Profile photo of Malcolm O. Ifi
    Malcolm O. Ifi (@saymalcolm): Head Wordsmith - 72521 pts

    Wow! I love the way the tempo of the story builds up, heightening the suspense with every flash back until it reaches a crescendo! I was totally sucked in and had to fight the urge to skip to the end to find out what happened. I haven’t read a story by a Nigerian that has made me feel this way.

    GREAT, GREAT WORK! I congratulate you for winning the best short contest. It was well deserved!

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @saymalcolm,…..wow… Thank you…

  36. Profile photo of Ohmston Weth
    Ohmston Weth (@ohmston): Scribe - 19827 pts

    @Raymond; been trying to contact you, even went to your blog. Anyway, I’ve got something for you, so if you could send me ur e-mail so we can talk, I’d be most grateful. My mail is tony_bigboys@yahoo.co.uk. Congrats on your win.

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @ohmston, thanks bro. Sorry, will email U asap.

  37. Profile photo of estrella
    estrella (@estrella): Scribe - 16323 pts

    So the Anti-christ sires a child? how dreadful!
    Ray,its official…you’re insane and i mean that in a good way…
    I’m a Dean Koontz fan and reading something that he could have written except you did it better is exhilarating…well done!

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      @estrella, wow….Welcome back, but….again, wow… Me, better than Dean Koontz? Wow…

      Thank U.

  38. Profile photo of Mee
    Mee (@dkny111): Scribe - 18791 pts

    @raymond now I understand why everyone was calling your name for the horror competition. Men your mind is in a different world ooo.

    I guess I would have liked to read a bit more of the father, but hey it doesn’t take anything out of the story at all.

    I’m almost scared to read anything else from you

    1. Profile photo of Raymond
      Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47558 pts

      Hehehe… Thanks…

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