On A Sabbath Day

On A Sabbath Day

It’s inexplicable how some situations in life could suddenly become real. The way we met, I don’t know if I should call it a coincidence or luck or chance. Many a times I’ve heard of the saying- ‘love at first sight’; perhaps it’s possible especially as it seemed quite a number of people have been a victim of this love at first sight. But whatever and however it was with us, I’m glad I found you. I could remember vividly how we met; it was on a sabbath day at my residential area, and I couldn’t have seen it coming but it did happened. Perhaps, the fact that it was a sabbath day could have been the reason of my thinking that our meeting was not a coincidence, rather it was ordained. First, I was impressed by her impeccable steps, her radiancy as strongly flaunted by the twirling wave of her monumental gown, thus nearly sweeping the sands off my feet; as though that was not commanding, there I gracefully admired the warmth of of her angelic smile, enveloped in between those soft lips were her teeth, so glittering like the tears of love; and the seductive scent of her perfume as she advances towards me was as breathtaking as love could be; and from that day, I knew she was the one.

For some minutes, I gazed admiringly at her, though poised and apparently stunned by the beauty she possessed. I couldn’t possibly utter a word since the words I needed seemed to be choked somewhere in my lung, and could only hoped that the few words bottling up in my belly would spare my blushes and adore her as she truly deserved.
Obviously as it would seem I was catapulted into a whirlwind of her presence though quietly reveling it, her sweet voice pierced through my ear drums and soon I was alived again, but now she was already standing next to me.

“hello”, she said.
“hi, welcome to Lugard Crescent”, I hurriedly gulped out. “how may I be of help to you?”

The expression I got on her face depicted that she was new to the neighbourhood and surely she would need aid accomplishing her aim.

“I’m heading to block 22A PrincetonHouse”, she said naively. Lugard Crescent was a heavily congested town, jostled up with buildings which are discouraging to locate by first timers- of course Princeton House was part of them. Perhaps, the topography of the land could largely account for the crowdiness of the buildings. 22A Princeton House was perched on a cliff, sited at the extreme of Lugard Crescent; so, I became much more handy for her if she must locate her destination .

At this junction, I knew my hospitality was needed, besides, I’ve fallen in love with the beautiful damsel than to dissapoint her. I gave her my word to help her through the stress of having to locate the destination herself- we both walked gently along the haggard road of Lugard Crescent while chatting away to humour the moment; even the birds chirped in concurrence to the moment as the wind whirled in submission.

Now it would seem we are gradually approaching her destination, however in all those moments on the way, we had actually gotten along well and probably she might have even realised my likeness for her.
Well, we finally got close to Block 22A Princeton House and I knew it was time to bid her adieu- our walk came to a halt and she gave me a benign hug in gratitude. I stood still watching her every steps as she turned and walked majestically towards the cliff where Princeton House was sited.
You might be wondering if I got to see her again. Of course, I did saw her- she had told me she would be staying indefinitely and that she hoped to see me again. We did saw eachother and our friendship started, and soon we became lovers.

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8 thoughts on “On A Sabbath Day” by shomyk (@shomyk)

  1. Avatar of Myne
    Myne (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    What can I say? It is a touching story of love at first sight but you need to improve. For instance, when you use did, you follow with present not past tense. So “did saw” is wrong, instead it is did see. In fact, find another way of saying it, simple as in “I saw her again”, or more complicated as in, “our paths crossed again”.

    All the best as you keep writing.

    1. @Myne, thanks for the correction. No doubt I need to work on my tenses.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  2. I see the comment are on now. You still need to pay more attention to tenses and spellings. Keep writing and keep reading.

    1. @kaycee, thanks for the observation bro. I really appreciate it. I’m back fully on NS and it’s a good site to devour a lot of books and stories.

  3. Nice try @shomyk.
    I found these adjectives rather clumsy in context… impeccable steps, monumental gown.
    Watch out for the tenses too. Here’s one: “the seductive scent of her perfume as she advances towards me was” . “Advanced” I believe is the proper tense here.

  4. The masters has corrected the mistakes you made,so please take note and do MORE better on your next post.
    I love this.

  5. *sighs.

    Keep reading.

  6. thanks at all…

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