Adventures with the Bafanaz PT 1: Conversations with the Bafanaz

Adventures with the Bafanaz PT 1: Conversations with the Bafanaz

The “Bafanaz” is the nickname we have given my sister’s 3 boys.

I decided to write a series of shorts on them; their childhood years, their adventures and the lessons they learn along the way.

Why? Because through guiding, teaching, and loving them, I have come to learn a great deal about myself as a person, and appreciate that there truly is, beauty in the world.

In the interest of Internet privacy, we’ll call them Dr. Seuss (DS), Mad Hatter (MH), and SpongeBob (SB) in chronological order (I am violently opposed to posting children’s photos or names online; there are too many evil people out there).

Here’s a bizarre conversation I had with all three of these little angels the other day…

 “Aunty Uche, Aunty Uche, SpongeBob just kicked my stomach!” cried Mad Hatter one day, in a frightfully loud shriek.

After carefully slapping the hearing back into my ears, I said slowly (just trying to calm the Mad Hatter down, you understand), “Well, why did he kick you? Were you wriggling around?” I asked

“Noooooo…” says MH in a VERY crafty voice (so I already know he’s lying to me, “I was just pushing Dr. Seuss’ head around” ( like this is not a major offence, pushing your older brothers’ head for fun! Lucky for you Dr. Seuss is such a gentle giant, or else…)

“Well, maybe SB felt he should defend his brother, or what do you think?”

Now, I acknowledge that I have become illogical. If you have stayed with children under the age of 12 for any extended period of time, you will understand what I mean.

How could I expect a child of 6 to understand all my big English? So, I called SB and sternly asked him,

“Is it good to kick your brother’s stomach?”

He gave me his well-rehearsed shaggy dog-hanging-head-ashamed of himself look from under his eyelids and replied,

“NO! Is bad habit!” (That “bad habit” thing they picked from my mother, and they just adore her, so they use it constantly. Hopefully when she comes again, she’ll teach them a new buzzword during one of their marathon midnight gossip huddles (they all curl up around her on the bed and show her their story books, drawings and tell her about their latest friend, toy, or cartoon hero)!

So anyway, moral dilemma. To impress upon SB the gravity of his crime, I asked “Why is it bad to kick your brother?”

AND THAT’S WHERE THE STORY IS! This was his response,

“Because when you kick your brother, he will die, and then you go to hell fire(!), and the devil will be dancing around, and demons will come and suck your blood, and your brother will cry because you cannot kick yourself again (notice how my little boy got mixed up on who exactly is getting kicked here), and your mummy cannot come and carry you in hell, and devil will just laugh HAHAHAHAHA (sounding scary here and rolling his little eyes wildly) and you can NEVER EVER come out again. (Brief pause to catch breath)…AND THEN you can not eat cheese balls, or drink Capri Sonne, or eat biscuit and cake in hell because fire is burning you very very hot and you’re sweating and shouting, and devil is eating chocolate and laughing at you (apparently lucifer has a sweet tooth!), FOREVER AND EVER!”

Now, I may have paraphrased some bits, but this is the summary of what he told me.

I am slightly alarmed. My understanding of hell was not this comprehensive when I was his age. Not at all. His idea of hell even has a soundtrack and 3D!

 



11 thoughts on “Adventures with the Bafanaz PT 1: Conversations with the Bafanaz” by hotchocolate (@hotchocolate)

  1. LOL…. where do they even pick these things from?

    1. I have no idea!

  2. Like seriously…where do they get all this information? Kids of nowadays receive information from all sorts of media…I can imagine what images they see on Africa Magic.

    1. @chymdiinma, we found out later that their Sunday school teacher has some very vivid ideas of what hell is like!

      1. Really? There isn’t any need to scare the kids  that way, though itz’s quite amusing to see theBafanaz’ rendition as in an action movie… :-) Otherkids areknown to have nightmaresafter hearing that.

  3. This is just totally hilarious!
    @Myne abeg na, you could post this on your blog for your readers like you did with the Nigerian husband and wife thing.

    This is so very funny.

  4. I love this and yes kids sometimes have very vivid if not over imaginative minds

  5. lol….i miss the days i was a kid just reading this…

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