In My Dreams,
I found a piece,
A piece of me
I long sort to meet,
And there she stood,
In the middle of a mist,
Dressed in a blend of white and gold,
holding my soul captive with her stare,
eyes as blue as the sky,
Oh My! I exclaimed,
beauty of beauties,
Epitome of perfection,
Glowing with grace,
An infallible master-work of bone,
defying imperfection was her face,
cheeks and her feminine chin,
her form crafted and carved,
like a status of ancient Greece,
Dazed by the sight,
I lost the will to move,
possessed by the beauty I see.
she smiled at me,
and I lost my breath,
Gasping for air,
I woke from my sleep.
only to find a 76years old lady,
Giving me a CPR,
Ewwww…I exclaimed,
With Goose bumps all over my Skin.
apparently I slipped and fell unconscious.
I pray this dream come be.
I think you’re crazy. I mean that in a complimenting way. Hope you understand.
I like the poem. Maybe the transition into reality could be better – but I like the poem. Simple.
Nice.
thanks, compliment well taken
Forget that thing man. Who says a a 76-year-old woman cant have all the characteristics you dream of? hehehehehehe
hehehe, 76yrs old lady with artificial dentures?..not my dream….thanks for dropping a comment though.
I liked the beginning and my interest reached Its crest with “in the middle of a mist” but it kinda went downhill from there when you began to use cliches like:
holding my soul captive with her stare,
eyes as blue as the sky,
beauty of beauties,
Epitome of perfection,
I think to make your poem strike a beautiful balance between sophistication and simplicity, you should do well to be more creative with some of your metaphors.
Well done. Keep improving your art.
thanks, can only get better
@chemokopi, there is nothing wrong in using cliches.
Fear catch me when I saw another “The Fall”
The poem was nice. I like where you were going with it. Like Seun said, the transition should be the key element. And I suggest you remove ’76yrs old woman’ and put in something less exact, like a wrinkled old woman. For one might ask how you knew her age
yeah, @vescucci, and it isn’t very believable how a 76 year old woman would be giving someone a CPR.
Real mumu poem. Before you get angry, remember the saying ‘fools fall in love’ I totally liked this, simple. Poignant. Real. The part with the 76yr-old, I’ll pass her off as your granny