It’s always a difficult task to want to assume the position of one who should encourage another who had been molested one way or the other. Strings of distrust and doubt cocoons the feeling exhibited most of the time. This is due to the fear of being exposed, stigmatised and at the end a laugh at and rejected figure in the society, if the truth ever got out. You may equally want to argue I have no pedigree to talk to you about the aftermath of such occurrence, especially when you get to realise my gender. The fact that a man like me inflicted such wound may aggravate your anger towards this article as I have seen some friends done to me in recent times.
I would equally be lying if I wrote here I knew how it felt or what you went through. Series of shared experiences has made me conclude I may actually never know how it feels to suffer such cruelty from whomever. I may not know about the series of wishes that feeds through your mind. The numerous emotionally said ‘ had I known ’ and your secrete tears. I may also not know how it challenged your logic for existing to the extent that all you want to do is just leave, run and hide behind the comfort of your deceits and delusions. You try to exude the strength you usually hear accompanies women during child birth.Then, you give yourself a self driven admonition that you can scale through. But instead at the end, memories streams back. The clarity of the brief mental short of the incident looms, almost blinding out your reasoning. It breaks you down, again and again. Friends talked about your kind of ordeal as common on tabloids though unaware of your incidence and you felt they knew, oh! How you wish the grounds would accommodate you. It’s true I can never know how it feels; how it feels throughout the long period of recuperating that you have to exert your strength to love your body again because you believe your body doesnt belong to you anymore.
But I understand one thing, and that is that you need to live again. If there is anything you deserve more at this point is the determination to live one more time. Evil that men do are like stars in the sky. They lock around for prey as each day winds out. So if those that do evil knows how to express their interest to live as it suits them, how much more an angel like you? You can’t continue to keep running from yourself. Your life, needs you to be lively and vibrant again. That is why I have five reasons for you to really live your life again;
You need to know that nothing was taken from you except you let him have it. What is taken from you is what you have giving your assailant. What you didn’t give he does not have. He might have had his way but not your dignity. Not your sense of worth and belief. It does not matter what went wrong that day, what matter now is how you still see yourself. The value God places in you remains your strength except you refuse it. You need to live again for this valuable self worth to show in you. Say to yourself I am still me, nothing was taken from me. I am still the pride of my family, the future of my generation. You are a jewel, the most precious of all kind. Your type is rear and uncommon. The values in you are countless, no scale can measure your worth but until you live again, it may all perish.
You also need to live again because you are a virtue of recompense and voice of the voiceless. You are the gift from God to many women, the inspiration they need to move on. Your experience have placed you on the advantaged pedestrian, the high hopes of the downcast. You have paid a price for many, not until you live again; the price would have been in vain. You have a calling to save, to wipe tears and reduce tears. Many out there have such fate awaits them. A little advice from you, little warning here and there will go a long way redirecting any of such endangering engagement by ladies. You see, that little girl who felt her uncle loves her, that gentle lady who didn’t know her trip to her boy friend’s house is a set up, that school girl who, due to late practice would fall into the hands of men and that poor loving little girl who is about to lost herself to incest all need you now. They are all waiting for you to reach out to them, to advice them.
Another reason is that there are terrible men out there, hoping to have won the battle. Several other maniacs are still being regenerated. A stand tall fight from you will give some of them a run. With your determination and effort, such inhuman act can be addressed and culprit apprehended. But if you choose to allow it all define the bearing of your existence, you have giving in to men’s threat. You have to live again to win the war; several NGO’s need you to fight this war. Your input, suggestion and opinion will go a long way in fighting this crime to its barest minimum.
Another good reason which ought to be considered is that you need to live because you are destined for a purpose in life from birth. You are not a biological mistake, that you went through life ordeal doesn’t make you less worthy of your God giving task. It’s when you refuse to live your life to the optimum level, high enough to pursue your purpose that God will be displeased. As an individual, you are divinely created for a specific purpose. A particular loophole ravages the earth and God has assigned you to fill the vacuum. You properly have a gift that you want to thrust off due to your experience. Suddenly nothing makes sense to you and all you just want to do is abandon your dream of making impact in the society. After all you think the society couldn’t even protect you. But I tell you today, whatever your mission is on earth is a directive from your creator whom you will be answerable to not the society. You are a special gift to this entire world . That very talent is peculiar to you and no other person can proffer your kind of solution. So don’t give up on life yet, live again and fulfil your part. Millions of people are waiting the day when you will honour them with your solutions to make their lives much worth living. You probably know how to sing, dance, write, construct? Don’t let it all die in you.
Finally, live again for your love ones. Do you realise there are people whose commitment to you has directly or indirectly synchronized their existence to your comfort, peace and happiness. The moment you choose to allow your experience dictates your mood; their lively existence has been equally challenged. What I am saying is there are host of people whose happiness is defined by your smile, people whose heart beat is conditioned by your joy. If you think you have no other reason to live, this people are placing before you, their life worth as the reason to consider living again. Your siblings, friends, spouse, colleagues need you to be happy again.
I want you to know, as a conclusion, that to live again is to be happy again, lively and active. If you don’t allow the past to pass, you will remain a past. The past is only relevant to the extent you allow it to teach, correct and direct your next steps. When it’s used beyond these three areas, it has over stayed its welcome, and taking undue advantage of the situation. The past can do no other thing but give you experience to face posterity, wit to manoeuvre your way and intelligence to blend with the future unhurt. The past can never be the future, it can only guide your way into it. Whenever your past appears to you like the air you breathe, it’s a sham. The past has a limit, and you are only permitted, in good fate, to look in the box that contains it for useable experience to help in your decision making. When the past is telling you that you are friends for life, it’s the devil cloaked in your past. Remember, behold old things are passed away, all things have become new. So challenge the challenger of your wit. We are all missing you. We can’t wait to see you smile like before; we missed your chats, hanging around and your friendship. Please live again.
I get that this is an inspirational piece. Still it is fraught with typos, please look into that and edit well before submitting your subsequent post, (I’m learning to do so too).
One more thing, men are NOT the whole problem, we are a small fraction, not all of it. Peace.
Thanks for writing. Its not easy.