I’m a foodie. I know it, my family knows it and my friends are learning to live with it. :d I like food, especially if it’s a snack, or what the Americans have aptly termed junk food. Once I don’t have to be actively involved in the preparation of a meal, you can assign me the role of levelling any height of food, and I’ll oblige willingly (did I hear someone say pari olodo?).
Well, I love food, can’t deny that, a healthy appetite is always cool for a man. And ladies have found my consuming abilities sexy and desirable =)) which brings me to the crux of this write up. See, as much as I like home made meals, I gotta say junk food trumps that: always.
There was this time I was craving puff puff for weeks. It got so bad, I swear I may have dreamt about it. Okay scratch that, truth is for weeks, I was on the look out for puff puff sellers and even had to walk long distances hoping to see a hawker, nada. Then one cool sunday afternoon after church, pips were still trooping out from the service and I spied it.
The way I pushed and shoved, to get out of the procession, you would think I was on my way to claim a million or something bigger. Instead, right there, I screamed ‘puff puff’ the hawker was the embarrassed one, me, I just got those balls and started tossing them in my mouth: right there. I was oblivious to the milling crowd around me, and they did well to avoid me. It was a perfect moment to satisfy a craving.
I remember in secondary school, just before senior WAEC, I was trying to score this transfer student I had a massive crush on. That afternoon, our final teacher had decided we weren’t worth his time and so did not show for his class. I turned entertainer and was doing my basketmouth routine. I was so on point that day that all the girls that sat in front of me couldn’t stop laughing. I had her pegged and the idea was to ask her then, her friends would compel her and all would be well; and then, it happened.
Like the action score of a James Bond flick that creeps up on you silently, the aroma, frail and imperceptible wafted to my nose. My hairs tingled, I stopped talking for two seconds and that was all the mistake I needed to make. The aroma, grew stronger. I raised my nose and took a deep breath, inhaling the glorious smell as I allowed the rich aroma course through me. My next words lost my audience. ‘Who dey sell groundnut?’ I asked and they all had weird looks on their faces. Apparently, their perceptive faculties weren’t that refined, or so I thought.
Then I made the ultimate mistake. I poked my head out of the window and saw the hawker selling guguru and epa (popcorn and groundnut). To say I was tempted is a lie, once I saw, I jumped out the window and made my way to the woman. I was almost halfway there when I heard her call. ‘Derin, where are you going?’ I did not bother to answer as I made my way to the woman, bought me a large mound, and went back to class. By the time I got back, my audience had dispersed. Years later, she confided that my compulsion to eat junk especially on the road was the turn off for her. How was I to know, egbami!
Anyways, that one is ancient history. I have matured, or so I’ve been lying to myself. Recently, I went to see my friend who I hadn’t seen in a while. Whilst lounging and gisting on his porch, we saw this cute girl living on his street. Since I was perpetually on his case to hook me up, he thought it might be a good time to introduce us. So, he calls out, ‘Florence, hey!’ She smiled and waved, he gestures for her to come and she complies.
Trust girls, it was as though he had given had a fore-warning that I would be there that day. The way she was sashaying and all, I was going mental. If eyeballs popped out of their sockets for real like in animations, then, I probably would have lost my eyes that day. Long story short, I was hooked and there seemed to be nothing that could break the connection that was being forged between me and the girl… I was wrong.
It was at that very moment that this hawker decides to make a cameo, as my eyes were fixated on the girl approving of the merchandise, I caught a peripheral sight in the background. Kulikuli! I was back in primary school having fights with my brothers and friends over the really long ones. Needless to say, it took all of two seconds to see, and in that time I was away already hailing the woman to stop, so I could buy some.
My friend’s jaw dropped, like me I care abi? The girl hid behind my padi, not wanting to be publicly seen around me. And ignoramus me, bought enough kulikuli for the three of us to have a good time. Dude didn’t even bother introducing us, he just discharged the babe after a few minutes. The girl couldn’t even look me in the eye, I mean, for all my tushness, I just felled their hands… On top kulikuli.
Lol. A few errors here and there; punctuation, tenses… But still a very funny piece; well done.
@shadiat unfortunately I had posted before fully editing. Since I can’t access this website via my phone, had to wait till I had access to a pc connected to the internet. Thanks for stopping though.
See, Daireen, do you know some one can guess your age from your posts?
Its not a bad thing though.
@kaycee, I can bet you’d be off by light years try let’s see
all those stories happened… :d
What i mean is that you should write in a way that will make it impossible for some one to put an age bracket on you. Thats what i want to try on my own.
@kaycee, ok, I get. But writing as an old man… *scratches head* that’s not any cool oo. But then again, will keep that under advisement and see how it goes. Thanks for the insight though, it has been noted, and the wheels have been set to strive for more mature writs (y)
Got me laughing out loud, nice piece
@ifiokobong *bows* Thanks, that was the objective, Sorry about the poor edits will patiently pore over the writs in future before posting…
And now,whats her own? Though i dont do junk on the general , i eat what i feel like eating. She doesnt take Kuli-kuli right? Or she has a Big superstore where they got packaged Kuli-kuli? I mean, no gal shud stop me from snacking on my choices. I wan crunch kuli-kuli or roasted maize, so?
@writefight I totally agree with you, but, we both know that they have a say in the little things we do…
Good on you, @daireenonline, for enjoying what you enjoy. To hell with anyone who is embarrassed to see you eat kulikuli in public.
Too many people front instead of just being themselves.
And kulikuli is NOT junk food. If you want to see real junk food, come to America where, after a year eating chicken, fries, burgers and pizzas, you will have swollen up to twice your weight.
@tolao Thanks boss! Will take you up and come eat American junk. I guarantee I wont get fat.
Thanks for stopping by, and reading…
@daireenonline, I enjoyed reading this. I’m not sure when I saw kulikuli last sha….eat as much as you want jare…afterall, who knows, we might not have food in heaven….
@queennobo, it’s easy to say ’cause you are not the girl in question oo. Twas some embarrassing ish. As for food and heaven, we’ll be praising God na.