On a certain day in the month of March, a day I will never forget; a wealthy foreigner paid a visit to one of the popular Cathedrals in town, where I worked and was in charge of-security wise. Now while my boss, the parish priest took the guest round for sight-seeing, I overheard her asking my boss why old men like me were still being used as security guards, instead of younger men who had been trained since they seemed to be more alert and capable to fight crime.
“Stupid Woman!” I thought to myself and didn’t even bother to hear what my boss would say. I begun answering her in own mind.
Doesn’t she know that old men like us have our own tactics which are very different from those so-called, well-trained young men? Of course people may think that all we do is sit and sleep all day, but we are actually monitoring-oh yes! Monitoring every Tom, Dick and Harry that enters the church premises.
When I see a security guard moving up and down in the name of being security conscious, he is just fooling himself! As far as I’m concerned, he is simply being impatient and will just wear himself out in no time. Infact, unknown to him, he is driving away the prospective thieves instead of luring them. After all, that was why he was employed in the first place; to catch thieves-not drive them away! But no! Their training has made them have itchy bottoms that just can’t sit in one place! Shior!
We old men know what we’re doing when we sit and cross our legs, taking short naps and just having it easy. Going for little strolls around the premises and listening to the radio. It’s all because we’re being patient. And sooner than the thieves expect, as soon as they tiptoe in, we catch them like a trap set to catch a rat! Hahahahahahaha……….”
I found myself laughing and crying at the same time and wiped my eyes with the right sleeve of my jacket. The weather had been a bit cold this past few days. That’s how Ilorin can be sometimes-especially during the harmattan. Now back to what I was saying o jare.
Honestly, as far as I’m concerned, those so-called modern day security people are just defending only. Yes ke! And with that kind of method, they can never catch a thief in their lifetime. I swear! Infact, they will just attract robbers who we all know are more daring and aggressive. And old men like me, if truth be told, don’t even have the time, not to talk of the strength for that category. But if they happen to pay us a visit, fine. I shall gladly leave them to slug it out with the angels of God. With all due respect to my age, I was employed to deal with thieves and cannot bite more than I can chew.
That was my answer to the guest even though she didn’t get to hear it. By the time I was through, she had already rounded up her excursion and was walking towards the parking lot to get her car when I heard her shrieking loudly.
Yepa! Egbami o! Mogbe! The unthinkable had happened! Her car had been stolen, right inside the church premises, right under my nose and I didn’t know.
By the time they came looking for me, I had already passed out!!!