On a certain day in the month of March, a day I will never forget; a wealthy foreigner paid a visit to one of the popular Cathedrals in town, where I worked and was in charge of-security wise. Now while my boss, the parish priest took the guest round for sight-seeing, I overheard her asking my boss why old men like me were still being used as security guards, instead of younger men who had been trained since they seemed to be more alert and capable to fight crime.
“Stupid Woman!” I thought to myself and didn’t even bother to hear what my boss would say. I begun answering her in own mind.
Doesn’t she know that old men like us have our own tactics which are very different from those so-called, well-trained young men? Of course people may think that all we do is sit and sleep all day, but we are actually monitoring-oh yes! Monitoring every Tom, Dick and Harry that enters the church premises.
When I see a security guard moving up and down in the name of being security conscious, he is just fooling himself! As far as I’m concerned, he is simply being impatient and will just wear himself out in no time. Infact, unknown to him, he is driving away the prospective thieves instead of luring them. After all, that was why he was employed in the first place; to catch thieves-not drive them away! But no! Their training has made them have itchy bottoms that just can’t sit in one place! Shior!
We old men know what we’re doing when we sit and cross our legs, taking short naps and just having it easy. Going for little strolls around the premises and listening to the radio. It’s all because we’re being patient. And sooner than the thieves expect, as soon as they tiptoe in, we catch them like a trap set to catch a rat! Hahahahahahaha……….”
I found myself laughing and crying at the same time and wiped my eyes with the right sleeve of my jacket. The weather had been a bit cold this past few days. That’s how Ilorin can be sometimes-especially during the harmattan. Now back to what I was saying o jare.
Honestly, as far as I’m concerned, those so-called modern day security people are just defending only. Yes ke! And with that kind of method, they can never catch a thief in their lifetime. I swear! Infact, they will just attract robbers who we all know are more daring and aggressive. And old men like me, if truth be told, don’t even have the time, not to talk of the strength for that category. But if they happen to pay us a visit, fine. I shall gladly leave them to slug it out with the angels of God. With all due respect to my age, I was employed to deal with thieves and cannot bite more than I can chew.
That was my answer to the guest even though she didn’t get to hear it. By the time I was through, she had already rounded up her excursion and was walking towards the parking lot to get her car when I heard her shrieking loudly.
Yepa! Egbami o! Mogbe! The unthinkable had happened! Her car had been stolen, right inside the church premises, right under my nose and I didn’t know.
By the time they came looking for me, I had already passed out!!!
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starrilyn @starrilyn
Writing is about creating adventure. Reading certifies it and makes it worthwhile. I'm part of both worlds. Isn't life just grand?Go to starrilyn's profile, and read more of his/her posts.
Chei!!! E don be be dat!
I like this. You have a distinct voice and an eye for weaving stories out of nowhere. I like this and i ll be back to read it again . Very Good Work.
@nicolebassey; Lol. Thank you very much. I’m glad you like it. And you’re always welcome to read it again.-anytime.
Hahahahahahaha, spellbounding!
@louis; Indeed it is. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
@starrilyn finally, I get to see this.
Hahahaha…
@shaifamily; Lol. Oh yes you did. Thanks for reading.
Shoot! Good
@magic; Yeah. I agree with you. Thanks for reading.
LOL!
Good story. A lazy old self righteous security guard who thinks the whole world of himself being proven by sudden circumstances that he was actually inefficient.
Nice twist at the end…that was the icing on the cake, it made us support the victim’s claim rather than the lazy MC.
well done..Starrilyn!
Lol. Oh yes indeed. I totally agree with you. Thank you @Afronuts. And thanks for reading too.
@Starrilyn: Alas, the almighty grand tactic wasn’t fail safe at all, was it? Beautiful piece here. I really liked!
@tosinosha; Thank you very very much. I’m glad you like it.
This is a very good one, and quite creative. Characterization of the MC was excellent.
@obiaguomba: Thank you. And I totally agree with you. Thank you very much indeed.
He really lured them hehehehe..
@Ono-Edosio; Lol. Oh yes he did. Many thanks for reading.
Funny and entertaining… good job.
Thank you @shadiat. I agree with you.
Hehehehe….The end was sooo tight!. So upon all im ginger ehn?
You wrote this well….Well done…$ß.
Lol. Thanks @sibbylwhyte.
Hehehe…nice! You did good with this starrilyn. But next time go over your work again to weed out the remaining grammatical errors.
Keep improving your art. There is no end to learning.
Thank you very much @chemokopi. Would do that.
hmmnnnnnn.
…tagged “funny” and it sure is! Good job @Starrilyn, like Chemopki said, you need to do some weeding, we all need it anyways. Encore ma’am!
very funny,after all his braggings,assuming he caught the culprits he wud have been justified,at the end he con still fall him hand,.lol
One of those kinds of stories you read and at the end you are like…mehnn!
Beautiful build up and a super finish.