Aug 212012
Under your watchful glare
I feel my coverings pale,
Then vanish altogether
Beneath your orbits shower,
I lay uncovered and bare
Nothing is hidden,
No cover up allowed
You unveil my soul
Open me up,
To discovery
Dissection
Devotion
or Disdain,
There are no lies
Whims or caprice here,
Everything is known
Plain, exposed,
I lift my head,
despise the shame
Two can play
The naked game.
Related Posts via Taxonomies
Comments
Sunshine @nicolebassey
i love writing. i love reading. i love feedback. Read my other poems/stories by clicking on my profile. You can also follow me on Twitter. @CeceBassey.Go to Sunshine's profile, and read more of his/her posts.
Nice.
“despise the shame”
Is that what you intended to write?
or
“despite the shame”
Well done.
Thanks @kaycee, I meant despise the shame, eg for the joy set before Him , Christ despised the shame. Thanks for reading.
Quite strongly.
What is quite strongly @sontel? Pray tell…
@nicolebassey. Your expression of the experience is strong. It hurries me along to the very end. In fact, when I got to the end, it was rather sudden.
@sontel
Oh no @nicolebassey. I really prefer the short version. Thanks.
Nicey…
Thanky @francis !
Now, this is poetry @nicolebassey.
you seem to replace full-stops with comma eg:
or Disdain,[FULL-STOP]
There are no lies
Whims or caprice here [FULL-STOP]
am i right?
Hmm, The first one yes. the second is a matter of taste i think . Or what do the poets say @writefight @midas @whizdapoet @ostar @andersonpaul @jefsaraurmax @sibbylwhyte
@chemokopi @everybody
I think a full stop works better as @xixay has noted.
@anderson-paul
Nice one @nicolebassey!As @xikay suggested, I would remove all the comas at the end of the verses.I don’t think that they are necessary.Well done!
Hmmm…very powerful poem–powerful imagery!
@nicolebassey yes, powerful, I have prayed.
Powerful is indomitable.
Poetry doesn’t go augur well with fullstops.