She took a deep draw of the cigarette and gulped down all the content in the glass cup beside her. She was still tensed up, she noticed. She hated such feelings. It makes her feel unsecured. She dropped the glass on the table close to her and poured herself another drink from the uncorked bottle before her. Finishing the last content in the bottle, she draws deeply on her cigarette again. It wasn’t helping. Nothing seems to be helping. Abruptly her lips tightened into a smirk. The Valium, she thought smiling lightly. She threw the remaining cigarette into the ashtray; she headed to her study and pulled out the white container from the drawer. She uncorked it and took two of the whitish substances and threw into her mouth. She chewed them gently then she took a glass of water. She felt relieved a little. Although that isn’t the way she wanted to feel yet she felt better than before.
She abruptly felt a shiver run down her spin. She though she heard a noise in the porch. She titled her ears and listened. No noise. She relaxed. She wasn’t expecting anyone. Not at this odd time in the night. Trying not to dwell much on that, she stared out of the open window, inhaling the cool April air sipping in through the open louvers. It was spring. The trees were rustling under the heavy influences of the April breeze. The night was noiseless more because most people around may have gone to bed. There was no noise except for the croaking of toads and the shrill songs of the crickets somewhere in the distance. She stared up into the star filled sky. She thought she saw a shooting star swoosh past, she immediately made a wish.
There were only few houses in the suburb. Houses that were rather too old and old fashioned with leaky roofs and rats in the attics. Funny, this was the place she chooses to live. This was the places, she called home. Having bought the house from her one year saving in Mexico, she had immediately moved to Washington and bought this house. She smiled at her achievement, although it was nothing to count out for, but she felt proud.
It hadn’t been easy for her to move on in life after she lost Jim her husband two years ago. The bank had seized everything they had stripping her off the comforts she had known over the period of five years she lived with Jim. Jim had died living her with countless of his financial problems. In spite of the fact that he had the family fortune and business, he wasted them in bad business before his demise. He was a worthless gambler.
Things had been so hard, the bills to pay and repay. The huge sum of money he owed to the The paper grazed the side of his face. He felt the blood roll down towards his left eye. He could see the horror in her big bedroom eyes. Her blonde tresses were a bit ruffled. He watched her race into the sitting room. He knew that there was no time. He wanted to take his time and torture her but no, he was running out of time. He began to walk closer to her with long great strides.
Just as she began to scream, the phone rang. He saw her rush towards it. But he got there first, catching her wrist and squeezing them terribly, she winced in pain, screaming. Oh lord, don’t let Jessy wake up, she prayed silently. She knew she was no match for her tormentor. Although the light was dim, she could see the features of the bloke holding her. He wasn’t anything more than seventeen. He seemed to be very high in drugs and alcohol, she noticed from his heavy breathing.
The phone was still ringing, she was still screaming he didn’t know when he did it but just as the third ring ended, he pushed her down to the ground. She fought, still screaming. With her free hand, she shoved, knocking over the table. The phone fell on the floor beside him. He took the cord and wrapped it around her throat, pulling hard. He watched her wriggling under the cord, he didn’t stop pulling. He couldn’t not until the screaming stopped and he looked up and saw a teeny little girl creaming mummy. He lurched at her with bloody eyes. He was ready for more kills.
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sarahchristy21 @sarahchristy21
I am a writer with a passion to make an impact in every life with my piece of writing. I have so many stories swarming in like bees everyday to be penned down and i can't thank anyone but God for such gift and talent.Go to sarahchristy21's profile, and read more of his/her posts.
You tried with this. But the tenses went off in some places. Work on tenses, it is a tricky part of writing.
@Admin should have helped you to remove the paragraph that appeared twice.
As Kaycee has stated above, tense issues. If you start with present, go on with it. If it’s past tense, write on with it.
Then you didn’t state the purpose why she’s drinking and exhibiting all that behaviour.
Go on.
Is there a prelude or sequel to the main gist of the story? It just started, then veered into the killing. What’s the thread linking both?…
Please work on your tenses…well done…$ß.
Okay.
You made some mistakes. Maybe you should give your work to another person so they can proof read it. There’s not a lot of connection, I felt like you added some bits that did not quite belong to the story.
Try harder.
@sibbylwhyte has already pointed out the main thing for me, apart from the tense issues. Rewrite this story, edit it very well, take note of Ur tenses, include the missing part, and repost this for a more in-depth review.