Saint (Conclusion)

Saint (Conclusion)

“Well, he doesn’t want anything…” She scowls, showing me his picture on the Blackberry. Dark, handsome. He has fake jewellery on his neck, and ear. They are seated at a local bar, at a round table that is covered with a ‘Star’ mat. Green and brown beer bottles litter the table. She is seated beside him, smiling. There are others at the table too. He makes a “Peace” sign.

“When the going was good I presume?”

She nods sullenly, finishing her drink.

“My daughter… She is epileptic.”

She said it so quietly I almost did not hear her. I am too astounded to speak for a while.

“I’m sorry…” I mumble eventually.

She ignores me. We sit there in semi darkness, in silence for a while, listening to each other’s breathing. She has placed her head on my shoulder. I could see she didn’t want to talk in that direction any more.

“What do you wanna study?” I ask as if by the way, effectively going onto less tremolous holdings.

“Law.” she replies, matter of factly. “I have been doing some study at home. Jurisprudence. Lord Denning. Latin. Corruptissima re publica plurimae leges.”

“Ah ah?”

“That’s Terrence. In the most corrupt states are the most laws found,” she interpretes. “Like Nigeria…” she concludes.

“You have a problem with Nigeria?” I tweet, smilingly, rising up.

“Don’t we all? Our lives are messed up. While how we each react, why we do the things we end up doing is a choice, that some people have all our money in their bank account is the root of a lot of evil. It isn’t fair.”

I wonder why I do what I do. Finding no ready answer, I nod in agreement with her and finish my drink.

We reappear at the bar. My friends are waiting.

“The man, make we go o…” they laugh. Three of them. All dressed in work clothes. I had left them in different states of inebriation when I went into VIP, their eyes burning holes in my back. I guess they just danced and drank. They were regulars here. I am the first timer, and rookie.

Saint clings to me and won’t set me free. She is making a scene. I promise to come back soon. We exchange numbers. She asks me to buy her one more drink. I do, and she sits on my lap while my friends finish up their beer. As they round off, Saint asks me if she could go meet up with a friend. She motions at a dark looking character sitting in a lonlely corner. “He always wants me, and no one else” she explains. I say I understand perfectly. She smiles and breathes, “I never do this…” then, kisses me full on the lips. “Please, take care of Christine,” she admonishes.

I nod, smiling. She sashays away with a flourish.

My friends joke as we file out, that as is usual with me, another girl, a stripper this time, has fallen under my charm. I laugh too.

At the exit, I steal a look at her. She is dancing on the lap of her friend now.

She looks up too, and blows me a kiss.

27 thoughts on “Saint (Conclusion)” by omojola (@omojola)

  1. You write well.
    I like.

    1. Thank you so much.

  2. Hmmm…

    This piece just evoked a terrible feeling in me. I don’t know what it is. But I feel this is much stronger than fiction.

    1. @elektrika: so sorry about that feeling. I think I felt it too, as I wrapped it up. There are many like Saint. Thanks for reading.

  3. There are many like her indeed…Well written..well done…$ß.

    1. Hm. The praise of a master. Thank you so much,

  4. This should have been posted together. Like someone said the pre sex and post sex part read like two diff authors. The voice differed.
    I adored the voice and writing of the first part

    1. The first part was predominantly narrative led while the second part was dialogue led. Just experimented. K, I see i would do better as a narrator. Cool. Thanks for the light, and for reading.

  5. This eneded unsatisfactorily to me oh but you write good, even if I have to say it more than once… Kudos!

    1. It ended rather without drama. That’s how life is atimes. Thank you so much for reading.

  6. Too long to be posted together? Just like tweeting the important things. Good!

    1. Yeah… That can be a little boring. Thanks a lot men.

  7. good writing-well done

  8. I love this story. There’s something about their meeting that’s almost sad. Well done

    1. Yeah, something off. I felt that way too. Thanks for reading Dyra.

  9. Smooth writing. I enjoyed reading the prose.

    1. Thanks man. You r a wonder poet yourself.

  10. Hmm…I had to go and read the other part first. I like the other one but you still did good with this one.

    1. Thanks enoquin. Having to split cos of word counties the issue. It reads better in a single blow.

    1. Thanks lactoo

  11. i like the way u write. i hope you like the way i read.

    1. I do. I do. Thanks an awful lot.

  12. @omojola, you took the easy way out on this one. I was expecting a pivot, especially on Saint’s part, and I think you know what I’m talking about. Folks, especially like Saint, are more complicated than selling their bodies just to pay school fees or feed their family. Even if that were the case, the process of whoring would’ve affected her in such a way as to have rendered her normal see dude, fall in love with dude mode complicated…at best. Something should be off, and laying out that off thingy (especially when dealing with characters such as Saint) is where writers struggle.

    You still got the power of the word, man. I tell you.

    1. @howyoudey- thanks a lot my man. You r the critic, so I must not have made my self clear enough then. But permit me to defend a few pointers- Saint did not fall in love with the MC. She just liked his freshness; he was different from her usual clientele. Second, I think the off thingy was apparent when she went lap dancing on another client in the MCs presence. She wasn’t mixing business with pleasure. If the MC wanted her all night, he had to pay for it. And finally, she was whoring to settle a debt to loan sharks. The loan obtained to float a beer retail outlet. I guess I did not paint those points vividly enough although they r there in the narrative/dialogue. Thanks again for reading man.

  13. This was good stuff. Well done!

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