The thought of you
Brings hope to my bosom
And stings my eyes
With tears of defiant faith
I had given up on humanity,
On the myth of altruism
Only to find
In the midst of treachery
A hand of friendship.
What was in it for you?
I wondered
Was it a Greek gift?
I waited to see
But nothing came forth
Save, for you, the satisfaction of the beatitudes
And for me, a wondrous elixir
Speaking healing to wounds old and new.
Why, there is hope
For us earthlings
Rekindled now and again
By folks of your kind
Though coated and hidden for ages
In dust and debris from ill winds,
Of the shameful parts of human nature
I see that love is, always is
For a god-like act does come along
To make it glisten
And save mankind
From the fate of beasts.
I know your generosity
I’ve tasted it
In things small and great
But not I alone
Providence does too;
I saw a vision of tomorrow
And the day after
I saw the field of a good man,
A great man
The rains came in their season
The sun shone at its time
The ground produced a harvest beyond measure
I drew closer
And the husbandman
Was you.
PS: Folks, this is my first deliberate attempt at poetry. I never seriously read or studied poems, and my comfort level is pretty low. So, help review, critique, dissect, analyze…
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Obisike @obiaguomba
I love to write. To paint with words, and draw out more useful meanings from all kinds of human experiences. Kainene; let's see how this goes - I'm only beginning to pay attention to that 'crafty feeling'.Go to Obisike's profile, and read more of his/her posts.
Nice. Nice.
For me, the first two verses are powerful–especially the first. I think that the last two verses kinda reduced the intensity of what you were trying to express; by trying to say too many things. If you had compressed what you wanted to pass across, it might have turned out better. Or maybe a full stop within some places within this verses would have helped to make it flow better.
My humble opinion of course…
Thanks, @chemokopi. I was actually trying to add them fullstops but I got stumped. Will be studying other people’s works, especially here on NS. Your comments about the waning intensity is also well taken.
I’m not a great poet myself but I enjoyed the simplicity of this. Keep writing.
Thanks, @Myne
respect to all the poets on NS
I like it too, but some parts are quite vague and it left me unsure and unsatisfied. Consider an intro of sorts if possible.
@nicolebassey…thanks for liking, and apologies for leaving you “unsatisfied”. We will get better. An intro….maybe…
This is nice. More of this please…
Thanks, bro. I will try…at least I could say you asked me to.
It is good.
@kaycee…thanks, bro.
I like the flow even though I don’t really understand it.
@babyada….thanks for liking. And I thought the content was simple! Anyways, I have taken note of the admonition about being too wordy.
I’d like to know this husbandman…Is he an alien?..
Your 1st attempt is good…trust me, listening or rather taking useful info from people on the site would make U better….Keep penning them lines…Well done Obi…$ß.
@sibbylwhyte…lol. He seems an alien to our norm on this planet, shey? Thanks for your comment.
A debut?
This is good
In time you will come to learn the ropes about certain symbolism, themes and all that jargons that makes poetry a delight.
This is good, really!!!
@midas…thank you, bro. I appreciate.
this is nice, well done.
@excellency…thank you.
Love, lover, loving, once upon a time i knew these words……..:(
Yeah, the simplicity…liked that.
Not always good to tell people it’s ur first attempt. People tend to see stuffs not there..
loved how it ended with the husbandman…the tenderer…
keep this up.
Thank you, @adaobiokwy
this is lovely