Sometimes, I’m amazed when Siju talks about her past experience in the hands of men. The victim of about a dozen hit-n-runs as at my last count (yeah I know, it’s better imagined what thoughts the revelations conjure up in my head when I hear them and believe me, it’s anything but funny). Well, Siju’s no baby as she’s quite older than I am but that’s still not enough justification for a dozen relationships I must confess. There have been times I’ve questioned her confidence or what better word would suffice for a lady telling about her adventurous past? Whatever happened to the adage, “don’t kiss and tell”? Hmmm, maybe she’s drunk on affection so much she finds it safe to share with me. So far, I’ve not shown any indication of wincing so she probably believes I take it in good faith. So, it’s no wonder when she heaps praises on my maturity questioning sometimes if I simply am too old for my age. Hmmm, anyone who didn’t know me would think I was a 13 year old.
Anyways, guys are not lost to my consciousness in these hit-n-run dramas. I mean, how could one be so deceitful just for the sake of getting a lady’s back on ground? It’s for some (or many), a game synonymous to trying to get a cat’s back to touch the ground, though in this case, a mattress best fits. Okay, I’m not trying to play the Holier-than-thou guy here. If any, I already set the records straight with Jazee with an apology two years after, thus, ending the thoughts of someday getting bathed in acid while asleep. Plus, she’s married (happily I hope) now like the others. I’m just surprised at the length we go as guys to taste nirvana the lustful way with little consideration to the emotional effects on ladies. True, there are ladies whose asking are for such but they are not the focus here. I’m talking about ladies like Siju (the victimized one she paints) who guys have hit left, right, center and behind (OMG!) using all sorts of disguise; some amazingly crafty, you wondered why nothing of a fraudulent term’s been coined to describe their wit.
Yet, these are not the works of Lagbajas o! It’s guys like you o! Even in my cycle of association, I know a few and till date, marvel at how crafty they are at this game. I heard once how lies sell in this game too; how true given my experience in the hands of some birds. It’s seemed in many a case that the truth hardly gets you a heart. I mean, if you’re a lady and reading this, how appealing is a guy whose routine involves pushing pixels, coding, irregular naps and regular fantasizes to name a few? Yeah, weird! And to add that I enjoy being solitarily confined to hidden spots as much as possible even while working off public spaces as I do on some days makes it all the more odd. And understandably so when matched against a life of movies, dinners, beach etc; normal in the real sense but stereotypic in my world. Just to cap up the following, I’ve been told my life belongs to the 19th century .
Well, what matters now is Siju ‘no send’. Probably because she’s tired of finding Prince Charming who is by far a stark contrast to her current boyfriend with his bushy hair and beard, jeans and tee-shirt dominated wardrobe. She’s mentioned how weird I am but in a sexy manner which makes my head swell.
Back to the hit-n-run theme, Jude, my crazy colleague once intimated me of an episode where he was chatting up this girl he’d just met. They’d gone deep into the conversation when they decided to exchange contacts. When he mentioned his name, she stood dead in her track and he had to double-check if he’d mistakenly introduced himself as “Lucifer”. Rather, he wasn’t insane and had rightly introduced himself as Jude, his birth-name after Saint Jude in the Holy Books. She apologized for her attitude but added that she didn’t want to be friends with him. Thus, she refused to give her name or number after explaining that his name evoked bad memories given her experience in the hands of a certain Jude. Hmmm. Now, here’s where the story gets twisted as my own Jude (whiz Jude) wondered whether it appeared any guy with same name as the dude who’d inflicted this emotional scar had same ulterior tendencies. If only she knew whiz Jude; a guy who’s most likely never hugged a lady much to his frustration at his social insecurity. Also, God knows what her real reason must have been as the Jude I know is only as interesting and enlightened as binary subjects. Though, unverifiable, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out the girl was only trying to ridicule or do away with my extremely weird friend. In his narrowed view though, she’d probably seen the movie “Face off” starring John Travolta right after or before her sour encounter with ‘Evil Jude’.
Moving on, life’s surely what it is and we may never be able to tell what’ll become of our relationships. For some like Siju, her heartbreak got to a point where she didn’t even know if there was any piece left to break until I came along. [smiles] Yeah that fateful day with my signature backpack holding my MacBook, tee-shirt bearing Fela Anikulapo’s face, dirty jeans and a sneaker that now sits atop my wardrobe as a souvenir with which I traversed the streets of Abuja selling my computing skills. How time flies. Her focus now is on settling down the family way with a ring and babies. The way I’d rather it be, a baby then the rest but she says her faith disallows it. I wonder, “Does her faith not disallow of the adventures I’ll stop short of speaking of”? Or, is this same faith lost in the wonders of our ecstatic exploits which she not only introduced me to but says its regularity (as she deems and dictates) is evidence of our love? Perhaps, she doesn’t see me as a ‘soji’ guy. We may never know.