I closed my eyes, happiness rumbling in my empty tummy. I thanked God for the golden moment. Sleep wasn’t far away , it had been dancing in my eyes all day. I was tired, exhausted and weak. In fact, my body fitted on the bed like it was made to be there. Muscle pains easing, back relaxing, this was Heaven.
The door to my mind flew open, those images began to form taking their usual place. It was raining cats and dogs, thankfully I was not outside. I was asleep. Then I heard voices, first mama pleading with papa next, a loud sound. It sounded like a slap. I stopped myself from thinking further I feared what my crazy head would tell me, it was famous for its gossips. The voices continued but I pushed them away. Nothing would spoil this, no matter what they planned today I was going to have my beauty sleep.
BANG!! BANG!! BANG!!… someone was banging the door real hard.”Arrghh! life is cruel” I thought, am sure reality behaved a lot better. I laid for another 30sec wondering who it was at 3am in the morning. I heard the voice, PAPA, I thought. Lazily I walked to the door and opened it. ”eka aro sir..mo..” before I could finish he pushed me inside, closed the door and turned the lock. ”undress“ he said. I laughed, rendering curses at my crazy head. I was sure I didn’t hear well. “se Kia boso” he said shaming me for calling myself stupid. I laughed even harder this was one sick joke. Shaming me again, he pushed me to the bed, reaping off my first wrapper. It hit me, this was no joke.”Papa please” I began to scream when I found my voice.He was my father. I was shocked, tired and angry. I thought of one thing. “MAMA”. I began to struggle real hard.” Ba mi eti yo, ejo this will destroy us, our family” he wasn’t listening, he was bent on wining the fight with me over my wrapper. I began to cry, searching my head for words to support my actions. My virginity. I began to struggle harder. ”papa please, this is against God , and you said I should marry a virgin” I said through shaky voice when I had the chance. He was already in his boxer. The room was dark, I could hardly see anything to use for defense. He was on me, my second wrapper being half way under my breast. He bit my breast infusing pain. I started screaming my only thought ‘poor, old mama’. As I struggled he kept hitting me, asking me to shut up. I tried to fight but had no clue what to do. I was just a small bodied 12 year old girl. I cried even more thinking of the unbearable pain, the fact that this was my father and the fact that I could do nothing. He pulled the remains of my wrapper which covered the kingdom for sacred acts. He laughed a wicked knowing laughter. I was still struggling preparing myself for the pain.
Someone was banging the door again. Then I knew I was finished. It had to be mama. I had just destroyed our home. The banging continued and for a second papa stopped, Infact, he wasn’t in the room anymore. I didn’t understand where had he gone?.I didn’t have much time to think. my mother was just a breath away. I wanted to find papa the banging didn’t let me.
I jilted back to reality, my breath faster than an angry ram. Took me some seconds to collect myself. The person was still banging. I checked, I still had my clothes on, it wasn’t raining, the sun rays shining angrily at me.”Get up ole omo” my mother said from the other end of the door. I rushed and opened the door hands shaking wondering if it was her turn now afterall, anything was possible now. “am going to the market. your father asked for you” she said running off. Fear hugged me like an old granny. then it occurred to me, I was having a double-sided dream, a dream in a dream. Papa would never hit mama, neither would he do the unimaginable. best of all I still had my pride. I smiled thanking kabesi for his love and asking him to please take such nightmares away.