May 262012
Hot tears flowed down her cheek.
She had never heard such a news before.
Her beautiful eyes became blood shot.
She could not look at the sky because of the hot tears.
She prayed that her father soul rest in peace but all she taught was that her prayer was not heard.
She tried to say a word but her voice seems to be far away.
‘Oh my dad’ she shouted.
The more she talks the more hot tears comes.
There was no one to come to her aid.
No one to console her!
Hehehe….May his soul rest in peace…
This is a poem?…
Hope its fiction.
You intension is clear, but it’s more like a letter…..
Yep. It read more like a letter
The title is captivating… a big contrast to the body.
Wish it had been more poetic, yet let me point out some typos
She prayed that her father soul [would] rest in peace but all she taught[thought of] was that her prayer was not heard.
She tried to say a word but her voice seems[seemed] to be far away.
The more she talks[talked] the more hot tears comes[came]
You could develop this into something else- fiction, flashback, anything- but if it has to be a poem, you are yet to do justice to it.
Well, that’s why this is NS… keep writing!
Just keep writing. You can get better…
thanks thanks and thanks.
@bubilina it is a peom dear. But why did you ask?.
I will improve in my writting.
alright!
the most important thing is to start somewhere and you have started. i know with time you will come out with longer poems- but never forget to take care of the typo’s so they don’t mess your work cheers and chin up.
My condolences to her…