How many days again?
How many nights of pain?
How many drops of rain?
I never knew how long,
It felt like like an eternity of horror,
A heart break would have been a blessing
A bullet in my head was my prayer
But I was still aware, dead inside
A torn piece of flesh
Becoming a living tragedy.
How many jumped on me days and nights?
No memory, just devils on top of me,
Their deadly weapon digging inside me!
Their chain of horror de- womanizing my body,
Call me a thing! A hole! A whore!
But never call me a woman again.
How many of us ?
mothers, daughters , grandmothers,
Assaulted one by one
By five, ten of them maybe dozens!
Filled with hate!
Drunk with madness!
Drugged by power!
Power over powerless women!
Power of their guns!
Pounding tirelessly our intimacy,
the origin of their humanity!
If they had been humans once!
Call us mops, things, holes,
but never name us
Mother, Darling, Sister, Daughter,Grandma.
Just broken bodies
With dead souls
And torn hopes
Each assault :
a stab in our womanity,
a disgrace to our womb,
a crime against humanity.
No more tears to cry,
No more strenght to try
Just our hearts so dry
Missing the aching of my first time
When I was still a woman ,
Missing the pain of excision
When I lost my childhood!
Missing the griefs of countless miscarriages
Missing the suffering my mother’s death brought to me
Short of pains to remember, we silently bear the endless movements going through our flesh
I lost my voice in the air trying to shout my hate, to name my pain.
And then all I can see is them:
Furaha lost her life because of her frail body, 10 years old and raped by 10 men !
Malaika killed her child to protect her from the rapes,
Amina got Aids
How many names can I remember?
Just faces grimacing with pain, death,
Lost souls with dreams buried alive
Just returning from a journey to Hell
The devils left open scars in our hearts, souls and bodies ,
Invisible Scars that might never heal!
How many nightmares to face,
Before being able to say a word
To sketch a smile,
To be Alive without being just a Zombi,
To deserve the name woman again?
Break the Silence to heal our scars
Break the Silence to soothe our pain.