May 272012
Living in this ever changing world
Life being acquitted for it benefit
Problem revolves all round
The foundation of our existence
Has being jeopardize
Our understanding has being
Activated and actualize
Being cover by a calculated shot
Slowly, steadily, steadfast
We move
So approaches the purpose
Of our existence
The coming of the legend is far approaching
O what a calculated shot
Life being acquitted for it benefit
Problem revolves all round
The foundation of our existence
Has being jeopardize
Our understanding has being
Activated and actualize
Being cover by a calculated shot
Slowly, steadily, steadfast
We move
So approaches the purpose
Of our existence
The coming of the legend is far approaching
O what a calculated shot
_____
ogunleye kayode peter
Very concise and meaningful poem. You have written well, but there are a few flaws I’m sure proper editing would handle. However, let me point them out:
Life being acquitted for it[s] benefit
Problem revolves all round- [problems revolve all around]
Has being[been] jeopardize
Our understanding has being[been]
Activated and actualize[d]
Being cover[ed] by a calculated shot
Slowly, steadily, steadfast[ly]
The coming of the legend is far[fast] approaching
Like @chimzorom says; quite concise and meaningful…is the calculated shot/coming of the legend Christ and his heralded coming?
This has religious overtones/connotations for me.
Bar your typos, this is nice.
Ditto @chimzorom.
Nice try. Keep writing
Keep writing Kayode…Keep an eye out for sneaky typos…
Improve your use of tenses
It sounded forced to me…
Being is not Been.