The Shit Test

The Shit Test

There is no scientific definition for “shit test”, but it’s generally defined as follows: the test a woman gives a man in the early stages of dating, usually through curious and sly questions or comments.

Here are some example and their categories (they vary in shittiness):

A) Some deal with your courtship rituals, like “I can’t talk with a man until he buys me a drink”
B) Some deal with her sex appeal, like “that barwoman is so hot?  Don’t you think?”
C) Some deal with your dating habits, like “so you’re quite the player, aren’t you?”
D) Some deal with your intellectual prowess, like she’ll tell  a joke (it could be unintelligble) and say, “You’re a little slow, aren’t you?”

Women do this, sometimes consciously, sometimes not.

If they do it–embrace it.

It means they’re interested.

It means they’re stimulated–or want to be.

It means they’re setting up sexual tension.

It means they want to dance, rather than just sit around bored, twittling their thumbs, waiting for some cuter guy to come along.

But it also means they’re setting up a protective layer–because you might just be the one to make them happy, and hence hurt them.

The shit test is often interpreted as a test a woman gives to see if he is worthy of her; it’s her way of weeding out the pussies from the men.

She’s so great and perfect, she has the pick of the litter, so she has the luxury of choosing the smartest, the best, fittest. That’s only half the story.

Here’s the other (female) half: the shit test doesn’t only test your confidence, it is designed to raise hers!

Even the smart and beautiful woman has many insecurities. (Is he only after my body? Will he still like me without make-up and when I have morning breath?

Will he continue to pursue me when I start needing or pursuing him?). She knows she’s the prettiest girl at the party, but she also knows she’s a little girl seeking love.

So she sets up small pitfalls, knowing that some ditches are in store when you get past the first drink and actually get to know each other.

The questions/comments are designed to (referring to the earlier examples, respectively):

A) Get what is due her as a desirable lady being courted  by a man
B) Confirm your attraction to her above others
C) Differentiate you from the jerks
D) Know that you’ll seek to understand her and be a better  man for her

But the desirable woman doesn’t want to broadcast her insecurities, so she hides them through wit and challenge.

The man must show he’s not fazed by or even cognizant  of her insecurities, so he should respond with wit and challenge in kind, while also boosting her up.

Some Pros advise the man to ignore the shit test (by changing the subject) — and that’s good advice if you only want to get into her pants.

But if you actually want to date her, you should step up and use the shit test as an opportunity to prove that you can handle her – when she’s up on that pedestal as a goddess, and when she’s a plain woman taking a poop on a different kind of pedestal.

Here are some examples of answers to the sample questions above. (If the chemistry’s right, your intuition should guide you.)

A) I was about to get you a drink, but I didn’t want you to  think I wanted to get you drunk
B) She’s okay (then look at her like with desire), but you’re  the hottest girl here (watch her blush)
C) Of course I’m a player, just looking for the right woman to reform me (wink)
D) What can I say, I’m no match for your wit, but I can drive a pretty fast BMW, can you?

Ultimately, the shit test is not only testing yours, but hers. And when the shit hits the fan, she wants to know that you can laugh about it together. Because, ultimately, she’s human too.

Originally By WingGirl



14 thoughts on “The Shit Test” by Dozemaniac (@jamesndu)

  1. Hmmm quite the Mr I think I know girls huh?…hehehe..Nice one…quite an eye-opener for some guys, i think….Well done..$ß

  2. Reading this I couldn’t help thinking, insecurities? insecurities? over the top a bit…
    Or maybe, I just never had any of these conversations…ever.

    Could work for someone though.

  3. Incidentally I have been having similar thought patterns of late.Well described @jamesndu.Well done.

  4. Okay. The guys have heard but does it always work that way?? Nice anyway.

  5. Hmmm! Well what works for somebody might not work for the other person. Personality is the key and they differs.

  6. I said me too. Or are u deaf. ME TOO!

  7. i really liked the subjectmater:It’s not everyday that the masculine logic driven mind bothers with the intrigues and nuances of the feminine psyche. However i dont like the title Shit test. I dont think it is the shit test,i think it’s more of a grouping &crossmatching or a stress test. A woman has to know where a guys attention is leading and the sooner the better. If the rumours are true, even animals like the female eagle ll test the guy they want to mate with by watching him catch a log of about her body weight! Also, some parts of the write up seemed unclear,and the last line sounded lame and a bit cliche. Maybe you would like to re-edit the piece. Over all it wasa good, brave piece, keep writing and keep it up!

  8. Let the players in the house please stand up!

    1. HAHAHAHHA!!! Players?

  9. The bachelor NIGERIA…lol ; how cute!

  10. I enjoyed this, especially because it was well written. I laughed hard at some points. Introspective.

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