When I was a young boy,
My mother had said to me severally,
That I am free to pursue my education in the west,
To visit my friends in the south,
To establish my business in the north
Or to raise my family in the east.
Though I asked her why, (as a naive boy)
And she told me that we are one Nigeria,
And that we love each other,
And as such, that we can move freely
Or live together in any part of our country, (Nigeria).
But when I became a man,
I knew of the unrest in the south,
The destruction(s) in the west,
I even experienced the riot(s) in the east,
And the killing(s) in the north,
And all these terrible experiences cause fears for my heart.
And even when I paid a visit to the west,
I was asked to leave because of my tribal mark,
When I went for a job interview in the south
I was denied the job because I am not their indigene,
When I also went to the north
I was not welcomed because I couldn’t speak their dialect,
And even when I went to the east
No one smiled at me, all because my name is Giwa.
Then I went and shared my experiences with my friends;
Emeka, Musa, Babatunde, Lawani, and Ibori,
They all felt deep pity for me,
And they equally shared their own experiences with me,
And I was extremely surprised that
Their experiences were similar with mine.
Then I went to my mother and told her everything,
But she only asked me to keep praying for God’s redemption,
‘Is prayer the only solution, mama?’
‘Yes my son, it is.’
‘Why mama?’
‘Because we have made our self the prisoners
of our own freedom, so its only God who can save us now.’
I shook my head helplessly, shrugged, then went away,
But am always seen in the church, praying
As she had instructed me, hoping that God will
Surely answer my, or rather, our prayers, soon.
No related posts.
This doesn’t sound poetic to me, it looks more like a prose narrative. I like the thematic preoccupation and simplicity though.
Nice message
Nice idea
True talk.
Wrong rendition, wrong choice of rendition
Nice msg bt it read more like a story,wrong choice of genre….u try sha
This is not poetry. Poetry is, loosely, the skillful and imaginative use of words to evoke deep meaning….
mehn…u not from north,south,east or west…no loss o!!
my sentiments exactly o…where on earth do you belong to?
I get your message clearly. Correct the issues pointed out. You try.
†ђξ poem reads like a short story.
You can do better. Cool message.
Like the others before me…Correct message, but this didn’t work so well as poetry…
Well done for making an otherwise grave situation seem a little bit funny….
The critics have spoken and I agree with them.
Plus,
Why in the world’s it, (Nigeria) (naive) amongst others? No one is daft around here
I like the message of the poem though…
Personally , I don’t understand why some comments say this is not poetry , that poetry has to be in a “certain way” or a “certain style”. For crying out loud , writing is not like science with fixed formulas , you can be as creative as you like. So if you call this poetry , I also call it poetry , and personally I think it is a good one.
The only issue with this poem is the brackets as @adaobiokwy has already pointed out. They blocked the flow.
Overall I think the message is clear and I enjoyed it. Keep giving us different styles of poetry , be as creative and innovative as you like.
Well done
Homely thoughts, reflective and soberly. It will be mind blowing if you make it more aesthetic
It’s all been said.
It’s an effort. get better.
Enough has been said.As to if it is poetry or not,I cannot say. Liked the message sha.
Well done!!!
hey @maxwell…lend me this work for a week, let me have a go at tushing it up…whadddaya say?
They’ve said it all.
And ‘am’ is not ‘I’m’.
thanks to every one who dropped one comment or the other, deeply appreciated…..this is poetry in another style, i am still cookin up more innovations in the world of poetry, expect them soon..