He is not my Father?

He is not my Father?

“Tolulope”!!!

I almost jumped out of my skin on recognizing the voice….. Wait, is that not? (No it couldn’t be) my Dad’s Voice?? I could hear my heartbeat as it increased its pace while I anticipated the second call.

‘Toluuu”!!!….

“Sir” I answered calmly then willed my legs to go to his room, but it was as if they had a mind of their own, because they just refused to budge.

“Tolulope!!!” He called once more and as if struck by a bolt of lightning, I jumped up and ran to his room. Getting to the door, I paused to catch my breath and compose my facial expression into a very plastic, fake smile that I was sure would be wiped off my face on seeing him; I knocked twice and then called out “Daddy”.

He replied “Come in and take off your shirt”.

I cringed inwardly as I pushed the door open, the sight that greeted me was one that would remain forever etched in my memory. My Dad was standing against the built-in wardrobe at the opposite end of the room, looking directly at me as I walked in and my Mum was sitting on the bed, her head held in her hands like she had a serious headache. I looked at my Dad’s face and his facial expression gave the clause “A Man in Pains” new meaning, I was dumbfounded at the way his facial features were arranged, it was as if He was “High”, Glazed seemed more appropriate. He told me to come closer, and I shut the door behind me wondering what on earth could have brought about this kind of situation; the tension in the room was so thick, you could take a knife and cut part of it.

I looked at my Mum, seemingly unaware that I even existed or entered the room, trying to find some sort of clue in her eyes as to what was happening but to my disappointment, she didn’t even look up, not to talk of look at me. I glanced furtively around the room, noticing that it looked as if an Hurricane swept through this place, pieces of paper were strewn all over the bed, the floor; files were left opened on the shelf, the reading table on the far left had a box on it with some clothes, and more clothes on the bed.

By this time, Dad obviously had no time for my snail-paced movement, so he walked over to me and dragged me towards my Mum then planted my feet firmly in front of her. She brought her head up and looked first at my dad,  right into eyes that were bloodshot from prolonged intake of alcohol coupled with tears, and said, “He is not your Son” in a voice that sounded weak and defeated.

“Louder” my Dad yelled at her.

“He is not your Son!” my Mum screamed right back at him. She grabbed me, turned my back and pointed to a darkened spot at the back of my neck, “Does this look familiar” she asked him?

I saw my my Dad lose his composure, the last ounce of strength in him visibly gone, color drained from his cheeks as he recognized the same mark that was on the neck of his brother.

“Femi”, he whispered, “Femi”, he said again, firmly this time and stormed out of the room with a look of pure hatred in his eyes.

My world crashed right in front of me, it felt like the air in the room was not enough for me to survive on, my feet swayed and I fell to the floor. The last thought on my mind before I blacked out was “How on earth is it possible that I’m not the son of the man who I feared much more than God Himself”?



29 thoughts on “He is not my Father?” by tolu oke (@teekellz)

  1. Er…. What was the fear all about?
    Something is missing.

    1. There is another part to the story which would be posted soon…………..

  2. Narrative non fiction?..hmmm..You try…You stopped at his black out, maybe you should have expounded on his feelings at finding out that ‘He is not his father’ after the blackout…
    I like the clear writing….Well done.

    1. I really thought I selected “editor’s pick” because that wasn’t even the title of the story when I submitted it………… and yeah.. the story continues…….. Thanks

  3. Very good and suspense filled bt it is so incomplete….u could have done more.

  4. Narrative non-fiction??

    Wow! If the categorization of the story is correct then I must say it needs much more work and expansion. I feel it should be more intense, suspense-filled and shocking. I don’t think the build-up was good enough.

    And maybe it should have been categorized as flash…

    1. “editor’s pick” was what I thought I chose……………….. why don’t you think of it as an extract, then read through it again….. maybe you’ll appreciate it more.

      1. @teekellz you canot categorize your own story as editor’s pick, the editors pick their choices and tag them with that. Real categories include fiction, poetry, non-fiction, among others. All the best.

  5. I hope Femi ain’t d houseboy??

  6. According to you men, shit happens. I’m sure this is one of such situations.

    But you could have done more. You started half-way and ended same. Maybe you should tell me the full story so that I can tell you how to put it up better?!

    Welldone.

    1. It was more of a extract from a larger story………………………. Guess I could take you up on that offer yeah ;-)

  7. I like this. I think you put it in the wrong category or maybe I’m mistaken. Aside that, I think the story is cool. You just talked about the revelation and I guess that was your intention. Right?

    Cool.

    1. Category: I guess I mistakenly clicked that…….. thought I selected “editor’s pick”………………… but thanks anyways.
      P.S That was my intention

  8. Really felt a tweeny incomplete…felt detached from the MC. I didn’t feel his fear…I didn’t feel what he felt at all…
    Shocking revelation though…esp with that last thought of his…

    1. Eeeerrrmmm ooooookkk, maybe you thought there was going to be a whole lot to it than there is………………

  9. Wait, is that not? (No it couldn’t be) my Dad’s Voice??…… (shoo?! How many question marks for one sentence?)
    “Tolulope”!!!…(incorrect); “Tolulope!!!”…(correct but you do not even need three exclamation marks.)
    .“Louder” my Dad yelled at her……(Yelled? Where is the exclamation mark?)
    noticing that it looked as if an Hurricane swept through this place….(an Hurricane?)
    it was as if He was “High”, Glazed seemed more appropriate…(High, Glazed? No, what happened to ‘small letter h and g?’ And then High in double quotation is for conversations mostly…
    This is probably due to the fact that you didn’t want to read through your work…reminded me of when sometimes I refused to read through the answers to exam questions.
    Not a bad one sha…something is missing which only you can fix. Well done

    1. All corrections duly noted and appreciated. Thanks

  10. I have really enjoyed this… more please!

  11. Hmmm. I’m somewhat caught between all the comments and a small place where silence is key…

    It’s okay.

    1. “a small place where silence is key” huh???? Hmmmmmnnnnn Talk ooooo

  12. Good work.This reads like an extract from a larger work.Is that what it is?

    Well done!!!

    1. Finally, “sighs” someone gets it…….. Yes it is and thanks :-D

  13. @teekellz, there were very few grammatical mistakes in this, and that was good. But at times, it sounded a bit melodramatic (with cliches like “as if struck by a bolt of lightning” and “…so thick, you could take a knife and cut…”).

    1. @tolaodejayi all noted……….. though I didn’t think they were “melodramatic” but thanks anyways

  14. I reserve my comment till next part… Silent is still the best for now.

  15. gud gud gud….bring on the next part, cos there must be.

  16. I thought it was @admin who could choose what was ‘Editors’ Pick’?
    U’ve read d comments. Go ye forth and write better.

    1. Yessir…………. :-D

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