Hey guys, so after incorporating most of your comments and taking others into consideration, I went ahead and sent it to an editor to clean it and trim it of the excess fat. I only received a week ago and have been working on it. I suddenly thought of writing a query and after much tinkering and deleting, I came up with what is below. Please can I know what you guys think, what works and doesn’t before I send it off to a literary agent. Please thanks.
QUERY BEGINS HERE!!!!!
Mr. Peterson never gave Frederick details about his African background, tradition and beliefs simply because he was afraid that his son might get involved in dark magic and become bewitched, and it usually made him angry and disappointed whenever Frederick was more interested in hearing his best friend, Nwakaego, a superstitious African girl, tell him stories about Africa, instead of playing football and riding bikes like other normal kids his age do.
If only he had, Frederick would have learnt a few things like:
- Singing at night brings evil spirits into the house.
- Anything thing that can think, behave and talk like a human with no physical evidence that it owns a brain is not trustworthy.
Instead Frederick has to learn things the worst way when a spirit girl called Ify offering to help him learn how to play football and a lot of things to gain his father’s like appears to him, on the condition that he would let her possess him for a little while.
Andrew agrees, but not long after his grandmother Ofoduli, arrives from Africa.
With Nwakaego already suspicious, and with Grandma Ofoduli giving out hints in the form of folktales and legends to destroy the spirit girl, Nwakaego would have to find a way to trap the spirit before she takes over Frederick’s body completely, but not before Ify finds out what she’s up to, and kills her first.
With Frederick discovering moments of his life missing, and with Nwakaego’s disappearance causing a lot of despair within the family, Frederick would have to come clean and tell Grandma Ofoduli everything so she can help expel Ify before it is too late, which leads Frederick to learn one last crucial lesson.
When you’re in serious trouble, grandparents understand you much better than your actual parents do.
The other child is a 49,000 word multicultural fantasy book for middle grade readers with crossover potential for young adults and even older men and women of twenty to thirty something years.